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#3665 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Mon Aug 2, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 2, 10: Native Tongue 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 2, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Misunderstanding"
o       QdJ
o       "Native Tongue"
o       Picture du Jour

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Traveling is a state of mind. Just close your eyes and
go where you want to be.

LadyHawke
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"Misunderstanding"

Two American women stopping at the Hotel in
Lisbon wanted another chair in their room. The
steward who answered their ring could not
understand English.

One of the women pointed to the only chair in
the room, then tried pantomime, seating herself
in an imaginary chair.

With a knowing smile, the steward bowed and
motioned for her to follow him. At the end of
the corridor, he stopped, smiled, and bowed
again, and pointed triumphantly to the door
of the Ladies Room.


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        Quote du Jour

If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a
hundred minus one day, so I never have to live
without you."
-- Winnie the Pooh

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"Native Tongue"

A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who
was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most
Germans would speak English. But I found that many
people spoke only their native tongue - including the
ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket,
then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like
a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show
him that I was interested.

When he had gone, an American woman soldier in
the compartment leaned forward and asked if I
spoke German.

"No," I confessed.

"Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an
eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong
train."


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        Picture du Jour

Failing test questions with dignity. 8

[]

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3666 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Tue Aug 3, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 3, 10: The Moon or Not 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 3, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "The Sun"
o       QdJ
o       "The Moon or Not"
o       Picture du Jour

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Stupidity of some people is so astonishing that
commenting on it would be redundant.

LadyHawke
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"The Sun"

While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate
agent which direction was north because he did not
want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"

My brother patiently explained that the sun rises in the
east and has for sometime.

She shook her head and said, "Oh, I do not keep up
with all that stuff.


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        Quote du Jour

"Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead."
-- Anonymous


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"The Moon or Not"

NEW YORK - resident Kathy Evans brought humiliation
to her friends and family when she set a new standard
for stupidity with her appearance on the popular TV
show, "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire."

Evans, a 32-year-old wife and mother of two, got stuck
on the first question and proceeded to make what fans
of the show are dubbing "the absolute worst use of
lifelines ever." After being introduced to the show's host
Meredith Vieira, Evans was posed with a typically easy
initial $100 question.

The question was: "Which of the following is the largest?"

A) A Peanut
B) An Elephant
C) The Moon
D) Hey, who you calling large?

Immediately Mrs. Evans was struck with an all consuming
panic as she did not readily know the answer. "Hmm, oh
boy, that is a toughie," said Evans, as Vieira did her level
best to hide her disbelief. "I mean, I am sure I have heard
of some of these things before, but I have no idea how
large they would be."

Evans made the decision to use the first of her three lifelines,
the 50/50. Answers A and D were removed, leaving her to
decide which was bigger, an elephant or the moon.
However, faced with an incredibly easy question, Evans
still remained unsure.

"Oh! It removed the two I was leaning towards!" exclaimed
Evans... "Darn. I think I better phone a friend." Mrs. Evans
asked to be connected with her friend Betsy, who is an office
assistant.

"Hi Betsy! How are you? This is Kathy! I am on TV!" said Evans,
wasting the first seven seconds of her call. "Ok, I got an
important question. Which of the following is the largest?
B, an elephant, or C, the moon. 15 seconds hun."

Betsy quickly replied that the answer was C, the moon.
Evans proceeded to argue with her friend for the remaining
ten seconds.

"Betsy, are you sure?" said Evans. "How sure are you? Duh,
that cannot be it."

To everyone's astonishment, the moronic Evans declined
to take her friend's advice. "I just do not know if I can trust
Betsy. She's not all that bright. So I think I would like to ask
the audience," said Evans.

Asked to vote on the correct answer, the audience returned
98% in favor of answer C, "The Moon." Having used up all her
lifelines, Evans then made the dumbest choice of her life..

"Wow, seems like everybody is against what I am thinking,"
said the too-stupid-to-live Evans. "But you know, sometimes
you just got to go with your gut. So, let's see. I am going to
have to go with B, an elephant. Final answer."

Evans sat before the dumbfounded audience, the only one
waiting with bated breath - and was told that she was
wrong, and that the answer was in fact, C, "The Moon."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


 []



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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3667 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Wed Aug 4, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 4, 10: Dumb as a box of Rocks 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 4, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "It's a What?"
o       QdJ
o       "Dumb as a box of Rocks"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


It's fun to make fun of former presidents, isn't it?

LadyHawke
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Keep LadyHawke flying: 
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"It's a What?"

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a
beer just as former President George Bush, Jr. aired
on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at
the television and mumbled ,"Now, there is the
biggest horse's a*s I have ever seen."

A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up,
walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer,
former President Ronald Reagan appeared on the
television. "He is a horse's a*s too!" the man said.

This time, a customer at the other end of the bar
quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked
him off his stool.

"Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the
bar. "This must be republican country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied, "Horse country!"
 


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        Quote du Jour

"Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down
to their level then beat you with experience."
-- Anonymous


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"Dumb as a box of Rocks"

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic
function where George Bush Jr. happened to appear.
George took the opportunity to schmooze the good
doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he
was most at ease.

"Would you mind telling me, Doctor," he asked, "how
you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who
appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the
person hesitates, that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?" asked George.

"Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which
one?'"

George thought a moment, and then said with a nervous
laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example
would you? I must confess I do not know much about
history.."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


 []

Can you 'spot' the cat?

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3668 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Thu Aug 5, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 5, 10: A. A. A. D. D 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 5, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "A. A. A. D. D"
o       QdJ
o       "A. A. A. D. D" Cont'd
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet...
Your day is coming!

LadyHawke
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"A. A. A. D. D"

Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at
my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the
porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. 

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the
garbage can under the table, and notice that the can
is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take
out the garbage first.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay
the bills first.

I take my check book off the table, and see that there
is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the
study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find
the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push
the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the
refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of
flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading
glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm
going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container
with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone
left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when I go to watch TV, I'll be looking
for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the
kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where
it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills
on the floor. So, I set the remote back on the table, get
some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was
planning to do.

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants
to live in an institution?"
-- Groucho Marx


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

"A. A. A. D. D"
Cont'd

At the end of the day:
- The car isn't washed
- The bills aren't paid
- There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
- The flowers don't have enough water,
- There is still only 1 check in my check book,
- I can't find the remote,
- I can't find my glasses,
- And I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done
today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy
all day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get
some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor. Forward this message to everyone you
know, because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

 []


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3669 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Fri Aug 6, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 6, 10: Asking The Time 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 6, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Asking The Time"
o       QdJ
o       "Keeping Cool"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Baby, it's hot outside...

LadyHawke
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"Asking The Time"

A blonde is walking down the street and stops
a man to ask for the time.

The man, looking at his watch, helpfully responds,
"Why, certainly! The time is now four o'clock."

The blonde scratches her head and says, "You know,
it's really weird. I've been asking people that question
all day long, and each time I get a different answer!"


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired."
-- Anonymous


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Keeping Cool"

In the office where I work, there is a constant battle
between our technical-support director and customer-
service personnel over the room temperature.

The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his
position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep
the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the
computers will overheat."

Thinking this was just another excuse, one of my shivering
colleagues retorted, "Yeah, right! So how did they keep
the computers from overheating before there was air
conditioning?"

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

This beats the heck out of bunk beds!

[]

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3670 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Sat Aug 7, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 7, 10: Counterfeit Notes 		s_sence77
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   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 7, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Bank Phone"
o       QdJ
o       "Counterfeit Notes"
o       Picture du Jour

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Staying with the theme...

LadyHawke
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"Bank Phone"

One of my jobs at a bank is to answer the phones
and put callers through to the right person.

When a customer called one day asking to speak
with a bank representative, I said,

"Of course, Sir. What is it about exactly?"

Dryly, he replied, "It's about money."


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        Quote du Jour

"A new study shows that licking a frog can cure depression.
The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets
depressed again."
-- Jay Leno


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"Counterfeit Notes"

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to
pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small
hick Southern town. So, he got into his new wheels
and off he went.

He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered
the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the
man behind the counter. "Can you change this for
me, please?" he said.

The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time,
then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll
want 2 nines, or 3 sixes?"


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        Picture du Jour

Awl shucks, I thought I'd end up in the kitchen...

 []

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3671 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Sun Aug 8, 2010 5:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 8, 10: Last Words 		s_sence77
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   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 8, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Last Words"
o       QdJ
o       "Something For The House"
o       Picture du Jour

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My husband has mastered those words years ago.
That's why we have such a happy harmonious
marriage.

LadyHawke
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"Last Words"

Two husbands were discussing their married lives.
Although happily married, they admitted that
there were arguments sometimes.

The first man said, "I've made one great discovery.
I now know how to always have the last word."

"Wow!" said the other, "how did you manage
that?"

He replied, "It's easy, my last words are always
YES DEAR."

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        Quote du Jour

"What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging
from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer
and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will
be pretty bad."
-- Dave Barry


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"Something For The House"

The husband was not home at his usual hour, and
the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and
later. Finally, about 3:00 AM she heard a noise at
the front door, and as she stood at the top of the
stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk,
trying to navigate the stairs.

"Do you realize what time it is?" she said.

He answered, "Don't get excited, I'm late because
I bought something for the house."

Immediately her attitude changed, and as she ran
down the stairs to help him, she said, "What did
you buy for the house, dear?"

His answered, "A round of drinks!"


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        Picture du Jour

 []
[]  
[]  
[]  
[]  
 
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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3672 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Mon Aug 9, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 9, 10: A New Movie 		s_sence77
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   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 9, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Songwriter"
o       QdJ
o       "A New Movie"
o       Picture du Jour

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My son is writing music these days, serious piano Music,
influenced by Bach and Debussy.  If only I had contacts
in the music world to somehow present it...

LadyHawke
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"Songwriter"

"Hey, Bob! You say you're a songwriter?" Andy said.

"I sure am. Why, I've written songs for Michael Jackson,
Faith Hill, Ricky Martin, Madonna, Bruce, Lady Gaga..."
Bob said, modestly.

"Wow! Have all those stars sung your songs?"

"Well, actually, I didn't say they sang any of them. I
just said I wrote songs for them."


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        Quote du Jour

"Time's fun when you're having flies."
-- Kermit the Frog


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"A New Movie"
{From the Archives}

A top movie producer was discussing his new project, an
action docudrama about famous composers with several
top stars.

Stallone, Schwartzenegger and Van Damme were present.
The producers really desired the box office 'oomph' of these
three, so they were prepared to allow them to select what
famous composers they would portray.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would
love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite," said Van Damme,
"I'll play him." 

The producers were pleased.
"Sounds splendid. But who do you want to be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."


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        Picture du Jour

Husband of the Year Awards

The honorable mention goes to:
The United Kingdom

461d47.jpg


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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3673 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Tue Aug 10, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 10, 10: Wedding Ceremony 		s_sence77
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   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 10, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Acknowledgment by LadyHawke"
o       "Wedding Ceremony"
o       QdJ
o       "Bad Arrest"
o       Picture du Jour

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It's still a wedding season...

LadyHawke
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"Acknowledgment by LadyHawke"

Dear Friends and Subscribers,

I have sent email thank you notes to all
July 10th, 2010.

If I have an email address on the check or the
enclosed card/letter/etc., I've sent a personal
thank you note.  Please INCLUDE your
email address when sending your checks
so I could send you a personal thank you!

For those subscribers, who sent checks
and whose email address I do not have,
please accept my thank you for keeping
LadyHawke flying.

Thank you so much for surprising me once
again.

They are:

Joyce A. Sun City, AZ
Arthur P. Jr., Eureka, MT
James K., Loyalton, CA
Alice D., Frankfort, KY 
James C., Shelby Township, MI
Elizabeth R. F., Pittsburgh, PA
Melvin B. S., Bethesda, MD
Jacqueline K., Hackensack, NJ


Keep LadyHawke flying: 
        Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm

When using a PayPal, please, pretty please, with
sugar on top send the money NOT for the purchase.
Click on a 'Personal' tag and then click on 'Other'
as one of 5 selections. This way, eBay will charge me
less for the fees. Thank you so much!

If you prefer to pay by a regular check, please make it
payable to

Irene A. Mystery

and send it snail mail to:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007

Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart!

 <>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Wedding Ceremony"

At a wedding ceremony that I was performing,
I raised my hand to give the final blessing.

The bride misunderstood my gesture and surprised
me with a high-five.

Not wanting to exclude the groom, I offered him
a high-five, too.

I was finally able to get my blessing in, amid the
laughter of the guests.


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        Quote du Jour

"If the guy was poor, I would give it back."
-- Yogi Berra, when asked what he would do
if he found a million dollars.


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"Bad Arrest"

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist
who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer." the man began, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let
you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner
and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's
wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell.
"I'm the groom."


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        Picture du Jour

Husband of the Year Awards

...followed closely by...
The United States of America


461d57.jpg



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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3674 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Wed Aug 11, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 11, 10: Try Saying These Early In The Morning 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 11, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Try Saying These Early In The Morning I"
o       QdJ
o       "Try Saying These Early In The Morning II"
o       Picture du Jour

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Some tongue twisters for you...

LadyHawke
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"Try Saying These Early In The Morning I"

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk,
but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. Did
Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers? If Peter
Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, where's
the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

Betty Botter had some butter, But," she said, "this
butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would
make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter--
that would make my batter better." So she bought
a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter, and she
baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter.
So it was better Betty Botter bought a bit of better
butter.

Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.

A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the
big black bear bleed blood.

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

Pope Sixtus VI's six texts.

She sells sea shells by the sea shore. The shells she
sells are surely seashells. So if she sells shells on the
seashore, I'm sure she sells seashore shells.


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        Quote du Jour

"Usually I try to take it one day at a time, but lately
several have attacked me at once..."
-- Ashleigh Brilliant


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"Try Saying These Early In The Morning II"

Surely Sylvia swims!" shrieked Sammy, surprised.
Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she
shall not sink."

Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.

Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.

A flea and a fly flew up in a flue. Said the flea, "Let
us fly!" Said the fly, "Let us flee!" So they flew through
a flaw in the flue.

Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?

Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather
better.

A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter back.
And the bitter bittern, bitten, By the better bitten
bittern, said, "I'm a bitter biter bit, alack!"

We surely shall see the sun shine soon.

Which witch wished which wicked wish?


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        Picture du Jour

Husband of the Year Awards

Serbia

[]



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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3675 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Thu Aug 12, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 12, 10: Borrowing 		s_sence77
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   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 12, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Stamps"
o       QdJ
o        "Borrowing"
o       Picture du Jour

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Ahh... wishful thinking R Us!

LadyHawke
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Keep LadyHawke flying: 
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"Stamps"

For a while my husband and I had opposite schedules.
He worked during the day, and I worked at night. One
morning I noticed he had left a note to himself on
the kitchen counter that read, "STAMPS!"

As a helpful surprise, I bought him some at the post
office and put them on the counter before going to
work.

The next morning I found the same note. The word
"STAMPS!" was crossed out.

Underneath it he had written, "ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"


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        Quote du Jour

"Everything in excess. Moderation is for monks."
-- Anonymous


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"Borrowing"

Our four children, always on the go, frequently
communicate with each other by leaving notes
around the house telling where they've gone, what
they're doing, or whatever.

Recently, we came across the following written
exchange between Michael, 18, and Steve, his
12-year-old brother: "Steve--borrowed your hairbrush.
I'll return it when I get back. If you need one, mine
is in Mom's car (which is why I had to borrow yours).
--Mike"

Steve's response, written on the same note was:
"Mike--It's not mine. It's the dog's. --Steve"

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

Husband of the Year Awards

Greece


461d95.jpg


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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3676 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Fri Aug 13, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 13, 10: A Computer And A Hillbilly 		s_sence77
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   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 13, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Printer Repair"
o       QdJ
o       "A Computer And A Hillbilly"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Of course it's true. How would you prove it otherwise?

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"Printer Repair"

When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he
called a local repair shop where a friendly man
informed him that the printer probably needed
only to be cleaned. Because the store charged
$50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be
better off reading the printer's manual and trying
the job himself.

Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does
your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied
 sheepishly.

"We usually make more money on repairs if we let
people try to fix things themselves first."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"A truly great book should be read in youth, again
in maturity, and once more in old age, as a fine
building should be seen by morning light, at noon,
and by moonlight."
-- Robertson Davies,


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"A Computer And A Hillbilly"

A hillbilly was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks.
After serving about 12 years he is notified that his Uncle
Joe from Chicago has died and left him over $100,000.

The hillbilly was so happy when the warden said he would
put it in trust until he was released. The warden asked him
if there was anything he wanted to buy before tying the
 money up. The Hillbilly said he had read a lot about
computers and wanted a computer.

The warden said "sure" and got him a computer. A brand
new Dell computer was soon delivered. After a few weeks
the warden visited him in his cell to see how he was doing.
To his amazement he saw the computer smashed on the
floor.

The warden asked the Hillbilly what happened. The Hillbilly
said it didn't work right and he got mad. He said it would
not even complete the simplest task.

The warden asked him what he wanted the computer to
do. The Hillbilly said he just wanted one thing from the
computer. One simple task and it could not do it.

The Hillbilly said, "I hit the escape key and nothing happened,
I hit the key again and still nothin', I am still here. I think I will
sue Dell."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

Husband of the Year Awards

Poland


461d86.jpg

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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3677 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Sat Aug 14, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 14, 10: Welcome Aboard 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 14, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Sir"
o       QdJ
o       "Welcome Aboard"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Sir it is!

LadyHawke
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"Sir"

When my brother-in-law was in the Army during World
War II, he found that he was not the only one who had
difficulty addressing young officers as "sir."

At one inspection, the private next to him was asked by
an officer, "Did you clean your rifle?"

"No," the private replied, leaving off the hated "sir."

"No what?" thundered the officer.

"No clean."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

Robert Elliott's quote, "Every job is a self-portrait of
the person who did it," should include the ending,
"so autograph your work with quality."
-- Bev Shapiro


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Welcome Aboard"

My wife Anita worked at the Navy exchange dry
cleaners while I was stationed at the submarine
base in Groton, Conn.

One evening a familiar-looking man in civilian
clothes came to pick up his dry cleaning. Anita
was sure he was on my crew and that she had
met him at the "Welcome Aboard" party a few
weeks earlier.

As she handed him his change, she said, "Excuse
me, but aren't you on my husband's boat?"

"No, Ma'am," my commanding officer replied,
"I believe your husband is on MY boat."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

I declare August a Redneck season!


 []   


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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3678 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Sun Aug 15, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 15, 10: Suspicious Tie 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 15, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Oldest Profession"
o       QdJ
o       "Suspicious Tie"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Boy, did they miss that one by a mile!

LadyHawke
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"Oldest Profession"

Three friends - a surgeon, an engineer, and a politician -
were discussing which of their professions was the oldest.
The surgeon said "Eve was created from Adam's rib - a
surgical procedure."

The engineer replied: "Before Adam and Eve, order was
created out of chaos, and that was an engineering job."

The politician said, "Yes, but who do you suppose created
the chaos?"


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. "
-- Anonymous


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Suspicious Tie"

At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court
judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for
one of her husband's sports jackets.

Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a
resort complex to get his mind off a rather
complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed
a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie.

The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was
equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted
by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the
device to FBI headquarters in Washington, DC for
analysis.

Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington
office to learn the results of their tests.

"We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI
told him, "but we discovered that when you press it,
it plays 'Jingle Bells'."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

 []  

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3679 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Mon Aug 16, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 16, 10: Oneliners CII & CIII 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 16, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Oneliners CII"
o       QdJ
o       "Oneliners CIII"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


I found more... You do like them, don't you?

LadyHawke
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"Oneliners CII"

Life's too short to wear tight pants.

The wedding ring is very symbolic . . . of a man's income.

Since television is abbreviated to TV, shouldn't we
abbreviate telephone to TP?

That you're alive is reason to live.

The funny thing about miracles is that they never happen
the way you plan them.

Alimony is always having to say you're sorry

Behind every great idea was someone who hated it.

If you want to feel rich, just count all the things money
can't buy.

Personality is everything. Confidence is the rest.

The funny thing about panic is that it always comes at
the least useful moment.

Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

If electricity comes from electrons....does that mean
that morality comes from morons?

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"Life is suffering. Once you learn to accept that
life is suffering, life will cease to be suffering."
-- Sidhartha Gatauma Buddha


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Oneliners CIII"

Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.

Without geometry, life is pointless.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your
imagination.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable
occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of
the world walks out.

Every big problem was at one time a wee
disturbance.


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

Husband of the Year Awards

the winner of the husband/partner of the  year is:
Ireland.
Ya gotta love the Irish. The Irish are true romantics.
Look, he's even holding her hand....

461db5.jpg

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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3680 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Tue Aug 17, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 17, 10: Book for Class 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 17, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Book for Class"
o       QdJ
o       "Moving Cars"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


It is back to school time yet?

LadyHawke
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"Book for Class"

A freshman walked into the campus bookstore.

Questioning the store clerk about a book for one
of his classes, the clerk responded, "This is the book
you want for that class. It will do half the work for
you!"

"Great," the young man replied, "I'll take two."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"Science is everything we understand well enough
to explain to a computer. Art is everything else."
-- David Knuth
{Dated a bit, isn't it? - LadyHawke}


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Moving Cars"

And now, for you college students getting ready
to take tests and go home for the holidays:

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement
came over the intercom: "Will the students who are
parked on University Drive please move their cars so
that we may begin plowing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Will the twelve hundred students who went to move
26 cars please return to class."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


 []  


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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3681 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Wed Aug 18, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 18, 10: Poker Night 		s_sence77
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   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 18, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Poker Night"
o       QdJ
o       "Don't Blame The Doc, Doc"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Well, it is a Wednesday...

LadyHawke
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"Poker Night"

A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar
voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

'We need a fourth for poker,' said the friend.

'I'll be right over,' whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked,
'Is it serious?'

'Oh yes, quite serious,' said the doctor gravely.
'In fact, there are three doctors there already!'


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"A red sign on the door of a physics professor: "If this
sign is blue, you're going too fast."
-- Anonymous


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Don't Blame The Doc, Doc"

A patient was waiting nervously in the examination
room of a famous specialist.

"So who did you see before coming to me?" asked
the doctor.

"My local General Practitioner."

"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of
time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he
give you?"

"He told me to come and see you."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


 []


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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3682 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Thu Aug 19, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 19, 10: No More Rhubarb 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 19, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Newspaper Ads"
o       QdJ
o       "No More Rhubarb"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Truth in the advertising...

LadyHawke
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"Newspaper Ads"

My friend and I run a kids' clothing consignment sale
twice a year called "Duck, Duck, Goose," after the
popular childrens' game.

One time we advertised our sale in the local newspaper,
and I checked to make sure it appeared on the front
page of the classifieds as we had requested. It wasn't
there.

I started looking through the section, worried that it
hadn't run at all. Finally I found it in the "Livestock"
listings. It was placed beneath the category titled
"Poultry."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"I'm not sure who he is, but I get the feeling he's
got his hand in a lot of things."
-- Kermit The Frog speaking about Jim Henson


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"No More Rhubarb"

I was visiting my neighbors when their youngest son
offered to cut the lawn. Everything went well until his
horrified mother realized he was heading straight
toward her prize rhubarb patch. We yelled frantically,
but it was too late. The patch was gone.

A year later, I was chatting with the neighbor's son and
a few other friends. The rhubarb-patch incident came up,
sounding like one of those we've all committed in our
wayward youth.

"I'll bet you got punished that day," one woman said.
"How old were you?"

"Forty," the son reluctantly replied.


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


 []  


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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3683 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Fri Aug 20, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 20, 10: Dog Words 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 20, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Dog Words"
o       QdJ
o        "Inoculations"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Woof! Meow! Sit! Stay!

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"Dog Words"

The teacher was telling the class about plants
that have the word "dog" in front of them:
dogrose, dogwood, dog violet.

She asked the class if they could name another
flower with the prefix "dog."

Steven raised his hand and said, "Sure, Miss
Jones, a 'collie' flower!"


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"In difficult moments, behave like a duck. Keep calm
and unruffled on the surface, but keep paddling away
like crazy underneath."
-- Anonymous


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Inoculations"

A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies
to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming.

As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one
another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to
tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on
the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened
each dog's head when I had finished.

After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client
had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head,
the woman leaned forward and whispered,

"I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

[]   

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3684 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Sat Aug 21, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 21, 10: Neighbors 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 21, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Fridge"
o       QdJ
o        "Neighbors"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Neighbors! Some are good while others...
well... the less said the better.

LadyHawke
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"Fridge"

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To
get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard
and hung a sign on it saying:

"Free to good home. You want it, you take it. "

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone
looking twice. He eventually decided that people
were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed
the sign to read:

"Fridge for sale $50."

The next day someone stole it!

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no
common denominator, but among those whom I
love, I can. All of them make me laugh."
-- W.H. Auden


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Neighbors"

Every time the man next door headed toward Robinson's
house, Robinson knew he was coming to borrow
something.

"He won't get away with it this time," muttered Robinson
to his wife. "Watch this."

"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this
morning," the neighbor began.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Robinson with a smug look,
"but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

"In that case," said the neighbor, "you won't be using
your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


[]

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3685 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Sun Aug 22, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 22, 10: Birthday Presents 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 22, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Motivation"
o       QdJ
o       "Birthday Presents"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Kids are great. And I am so happy that mine
is a grown up!

LadyHawke
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"Motivation"

A father noticed that his son was spending way
too much time playing computer games.

In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing
more attention on his schoolwork, the father said
to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was
studying books by the light of the fireplace."

The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he
was The President of The United States."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp,
and peace in your heart."
-- Inuit proverb.


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Birthday Presents"

Although we had recently moved into a new
neighborhood, our young son had already made
many new friends, ten of whom were invited to
his birthday party. When the happy day arrived and
he opened his presents, I was amazed to see that
eight guests had presented him with sweaters.

Later I visited the mother of one of the boys to explain
about the multiplicity of sweaters in the hope that an
exchange might be arranged.

She said coolly, "Well, after all, you were the one who
wrote on the invitation what you wanted me to buy."

For a few minutes I was stunned into silence; then I
realized what had happened. Since the party was
being held in our basement, which is always cool,
I had written on each invitation: "Please have your
child bring a sweater."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

 []

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3686 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 23, 10: Expecting 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 23, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Expecting"
o       QdJ
o       "What do you think you're doing?"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


I am expecting a lot also. And I usually get it too.

LadyHawke
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"Expecting"

"How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked
his friend John.

"Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting."

"What's the difference?" Bob pressed.

"Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook
dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework,
she's expecting me to walk the dog, she's expecting
me to rub her feet..."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"The only people to get even with are those that have
helped you."
-- Anonymous


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"What do you think you're doing?"
 
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in
their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them!' demands
the wife, and so they continue shopping. 

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up
a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,'
replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser
and it's half the price!!'   

On the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have
a husband down!!!'


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


[]  



<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3687 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Tue Aug 24, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 24, 10: Feeding The Hungry 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 24, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Feeding The Hungry"
o       QdJ
o        "Faith"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Why is faith such a sore subject? Somebody
somewhere is always is getting offended.
Lighten up!

LadyHawke
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"Feeding The Hungry"

A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the
flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And
they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread
and two thousand fishes.' "

A member of the church snicked at the preacher's
snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of
a trick. I could do that."

The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday
he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it
properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five
loaves of bread and two fishes."

Smiling, the minister said to the wise guy from the
week before, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?"

The member of the flock said, "I sure could."

"How would you do it?" asked the preacher.

"With all the food I had left over from last Sunday."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions.
Conservatives feel they deserve everything
they've stolen."
-- Mort Sahl


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"Faith"

One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose
a man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop.
While there a neighbor passed by in a row boat and
shouted, "Come with me I'll take you to higher ground."

The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord,
he will save me."

Two hours later as the water continued to rise another
neighbor passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them
to higher ground.

Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will
save me."

Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to
the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast
Guard helicopter hovered overhead and threw down
a ladder, "Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!"
he heard them say.

Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord he will
save me!"

Well no one else came and they met their fate.

Standing before G~d, the man said, "Lord I believed
in you, my faith was strong and unwavering and you
let us drown!"

Looking at him G~d replied, "I sent a boat, a raft, and
a helicopter. What more did you want from me!"


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


Redneck Camper

[]

[]



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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3688 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Wed Aug 25, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 25, 10: What Gender Is Computer? 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 25, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "What Gender Is Computer?"
o       QdJ
o       "What Gender Is Computer?"
         Cont'd
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


I don't know about yours, but mine is definitely
male. It doesn't respond to my son or my husband.
Only to me.  Yay.

LadyHawke
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"What Gender Is Computer?"

A language instructor was explaining to her class
that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts,
are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her
French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into two
groups, appropriately enough, by gender and asked
them to decide whether "computer" should be a
masculine or feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their
recommendation. The men's group decided that
computers should definitely be of the feminine gender
because:

1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2 The native language they use to communicate with
other computers is incomprehensible to every one else.

3 Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term
memory for possible later retrieval.

4 As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find
yourself spending half your pay-check on accessories for it.


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"When I bore people at a party, they think it is their fault."
-- Henry Kissinger


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"What Gender Is Computer?"
Cont'd

The women's group, however concluded that computers
should be masculine, because:

1 In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.

2 They have a lot of data but they are still clue less.

3 They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half
of the time they are the problem.

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd
waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better
model.


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour

[]   

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3689 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Thu Aug 26, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 26, 10: George And The Dragon 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 26, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "George And The Dragon"
o       QdJ
o       "Pirate's Injuries"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


They are making another "Pirates of the Caribbean"
movie. I can't wait for Johnny Depp's another turn
as Captain Jack. Yum!

LadyHawke
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"George And The Dragon"

A tramp who had tramped many miles along a
rough outback track came to a small pub named
'George and the Dragon' and made his way around
the back in search of a handout.

Before he had time to ask, the publican's wife came
on the scene and gave the tramp the greatest
verbal thrashing of his life. She called him a lazy
good-for-nothing loafer and added if he was hoping
to get even a crust of bread he could forget it.

The tramp heard her out in silence, then just stood
there.

"Well," she snapped, "now what is it you want?"

"I was wondering," said the man, "if I could have
a word with George?"


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"A government that is big enough to give you all you
want is big enough to take it all away."
-- Goldwater


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Pirate's Injuries"

A pirate walks off his ship. He has a wooden leg, a hook
 for a hand, and a patch over his right eye. He sits down
on a bench, and begins throwing peanuts to the seagulls.

Two curious young children shyly sit down next to him and
ask the pirate how he came to have a wooden leg.

The pirate replies, "Well, I was standing on the deck of me
ship one day, and a wave washed me overboard. Then,
a hungry shark attacked me and bit me leg off."

The little boy then asks, "How did you lose your hand?"

"Many years ago, I was fighting the Navy, and one of them
boys cut me hand off. Me doc couldn't find a hand, so he
gave me this hook."

Next, the little girl asks, "How did you lose your eye?"

"Well, I was standing watch up in the crow's nest, and just
as I looked up, a lousy seagull flew over and did his business
right in me eye."

The children, now thoroughly confused, ask, "How did that
cause you to lose your eye?"

The pirate explains, "Well, it was me first day with the hook..."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


[]

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3690 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Fri Aug 27, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 27, 10: Getting a Tan 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 27, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Getting a Tan"
o       QdJ
o       "Fantastic Watch"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


I can't get a tan. Redhead, you know. 15 minutes
in the Sun spells 'Lobster Time!" Ouch.

LadyHawke
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"Getting a Tan"

It was cold and rainy at the Atlantic Ocean resort where
I was spending my vacation, but I finally bundled up and
went down to the beach. There I saw a man in a bathing
suit, lying on a large beach blanket. I walked up to him
and asked why he was punishing himself that way.

"I've been waiting all year for this vacation so I could
get some color," he said.  "And I'm going to get it -
even if it's blue."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"The best inheritance a parent can give his/her children
is a few minutes of his/her time each day. "
-- O.A. Battista


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Fantastic Watch"
{From the Archives}

Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge
and obviously heavy suitcases when a stranger walks
up to him and asks, "Have you got the time?"

Jake sighs, puts down the suitcases and glances at his
wrist. "It's a quarter to six," he says.

"Hey, that's a pretty fancy watch!" exclaims the stranger.

Jake brightens a little. "Yeah, it's not bad. It's an invention
of mine I've been working on. Check this out" - and he
shows him a time zone display not just for every time
zone in the world, but for the 86 largest metropolises.

He hits a few buttons and from somewhere on the watch
a voice says "The time is eleven 'til six" in a very West Texas
accent. A few more buttons and the same voice says
something in Japanese. Jake continues "I've put in regional
accents for each city." The display is unbelievably high
quality and the voice is simply astounding.

The stranger is struck dumb with admiration. "That's not all,"
says Jake. He pushes a few more buttons and a tiny but
very high-resolution map of New York City appears on the
display. "The flashing dot shows our location by satellite
positioning," explains Jake.

"Zoom out," Jake says, and the display changes to show
all of eastern New York state.

"I want to buy this watch!" says the stranger.

"Oh, no, it's not ready for sale yet; I'm still working out the
bugs," says the inventor.

"But look at this," and he proceeds to demonstrate that the
watch is also a very creditable little FM radio receiver with
a digital tuner, a sonar device that can measure distances
up to 125 meters, a pager with laser paper printout and,
most impressive of all, the capacity for voice recordings of
up to 3000 standard-size books, "though I only have 32 of
my favorites in there so far" says Jake.

"I've got to have this watch!" says the stranger.

"No, you don't understand; it's not ready..."

"I'll give you $1,000 for it!"

"Oh, no, I've already spent more than..."

"I'll give you $5,000 for it!"

"But it's just not..."

"I'll give you $15,000 for it!" And the stranger pulls out
a checkbook.

Jake stops to think. He's only put about $8,500 into
materials and development, and with $15,000 he
can make another one and have it ready for
merchandising in only six months.

The stranger frantically finishes writing the check and
waves it in front of him. "Here it is, ready to hand to
you right here and now. $15,000. Take it or leave it."

Jake abruptly makes his decision. "OK", he says, and
peels off the watch.

They make the exchange and the stranger starts happily
away.

"Hey, wait a minute!" calls Jake after the stranger, who
turns around warily.

Jake points to the two suitcases he'd been trying to
wrestle through the bus station.

"Don't forget your batteries."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


And here I thought that's one thing they would get right...


[]  

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3691 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 28, 10: How Many Chickens? 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 28, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "How Many Chickens?"
o       QdJ
o       "Cows"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.

LadyHawke
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"How Many Chickens?"

There were two rednecks walking toward each
other down the street. One of them was carrying
a sack. When they met up, the other redneck asked,
"Whatcha got in that there sack?"

The redneck with the sack replied, "Just some chickens."

The other redneck said, "If I guess how many chickens
are in that there sack, can I have one?"

The redneck with he sack answered, "I'll give ya both
of them if you get it right."

So, the other redneck thought and thought, and he
finally said, "Five?"


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"Remember, it's the thought that counts. Think money."
-- Anonymous


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Cows"

A city slicker was visiting a dude ranch and being
showed around. As they were walking the visitor
said to one of the cowhands. "Are we going to be
driving that big bunch of cows over there?"

The hired hand replied, "Not bunch, it's a herd."

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure I've heard of cows, "exclaimed the slicker,
"There's a bunch of 'em right over there."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


[]

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3692 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Sun Aug 29, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 29, 10: Hospitalized 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
 
   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 29, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Hospitalized"
o       QdJ
o       "On The Phone"
o       Picture du Jour

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


I am not commenting on this one!

LadyHawke
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"Hospitalized"

I was hospitalized for a few days, and my wife reported
that my dog really missed me. "She spends the night at
the front door, awaiting your return," she said.

"What an example of true love," I replied. "I wonder if
you'd be that concerned about me?"

"Honey," my wife answered, "if you were gone overnight,
and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd
be waiting for you at the front door..."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Quote du Jour

"If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog
biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of
them."
-- Phil Pastoret


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"On The Phone"

The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay
phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side and
politely waited until it was free, thinking it would only be
a couple of minutes.

Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone.
He was just standing there, not saying a word. Two more
minutes went by, and he still wasn't talking.

Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could
use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to
make an important call.

"Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver.
"I'm talking to my wife."


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


        Picture du Jour


[]


<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3693 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Mon Aug 30, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 30, 10: Handwriting 		s_sence77
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   ** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 30, 2010

        Joke du Jour Table of Content

o        "Numbers"
o       QdJ
o        "Handwriting"
o       Picture du Jour

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School days are here!

LadyHawke
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"Numbers"

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."

"Good. What comes after three?"

"Four," answers the boy.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine j
ob. What comes after ten?"

"A jack."


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        Quote du Jour

"9 out of 10 doctors say the 10th should just mellow out."
-- Anonymous


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"Handwriting"

An English teacher often wrote little notes on student
essays. Often she worked late, and as the hours passed,
her handwriting deteriorated.

One day a student came to her after class with an essay
that had been returned.

"I can't make out this comment you wrote on my paper."

The teacher took the paper and, after studying it,
sheepishly replied, "It says that you should write more
legibly!"


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        Picture du Jour


[]  

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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

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SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
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For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
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SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Websites:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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terribly inconvenienced.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
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Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

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Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
#3694 From: "Irene A. Mystery" <ladyhawke@...>
Date: Tue Aug 31, 2010 4:00 am
Subject: JdJ Aug 31, 10: Dead Lawyer 		s_sence77
Send Email Send Email
  
** Welcome to Joke du Jour!  **

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Joke du Jour (sm)  Set 1.  Volume 148;  Aug 31, 2010

          Joke du Jour Table of Content

o       "Dead Lawyer"
o       QdJ
o       "On Trial"
o       Picture du Jour

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Nobody likes lawyers... until you need one.

LadyHawke
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          Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm ">AOL link</a>
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"Dead Lawyer"

A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak
to my lawyer."

The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."

The next day he phones again and asks the same
question.

The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died
last week."

The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to
his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little
annoyed and says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer
died last week. Why do you keep calling?"

The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."


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          Quote du Jour

"We'd like to say thank you on behalf of the group
and ourselves, and we hope we passed the audition."
-- John Lennon
(at the taping of the 'Let it Be' album, 1969)


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"On Trial"

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk
and started a fight with the other two men. The police
came and took the drunk guy to jail.

The next day the man went before the judge.

The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?"

The man said, "Here and there."

The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a
living?"

The man said, "This and that."

The judge then said, "Take him away."

The man said, "Wait, Judge, when will I get out?"

The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later...."


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          Picture du Jour

[]


Ok, I think I'm done with redneck ingenuity... for a while.

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Copyright © 1995 - 2010 Joke du Jour. All Rights reserved.
Feel free to forward this, in its entirety, to anybody.

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>
SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour        Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
http://www.jokedujour.com/subscribe.htm

For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
mailto:Administrator@...?Subject=Ad_Rates_JdJ

VISIT our archives at
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JdJ/messages

SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Websites:
http://www.jokedujour.com
http://www.ladyhawk.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No trees were injured in the creation of this
email, but a large number of electrons were
terribly inconvenienced.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
this mailing list, in accordance with the 2005
Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>

Reply | Messages in this Topic (1)
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