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1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and
then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10
minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover
behind me, advising me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives
me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me what my goals SHOULD
have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating with a cost of
living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is
the priority. I like being a psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office and really
have nowhere to go or anything to do. I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that gets out,
it could mean a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be
popular in conversations. I was born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them
down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done. No use
confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to
know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's
nice to know someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story
about having to pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.


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