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An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the
value of nothing.

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all
the wounded.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had
in a way you don't understand.

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it
a "brief."

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked
children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells
you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
that you will look forward to the trip.


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