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Many thanks to everyone who mailed me to wish a speedy recovery, and
a very merry Christmas to all my subscribers!

History Of The World According To Actual Grade School Student Exam
Papers!

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
Hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.
The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red sea, where they made
unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses
went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before
he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had Myths. A Myth is a
female moth.

5. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of
that name.

6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death his career suffered a dramatic decline.

7. Eventually the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
Romans because they never stayed in one place for long.

8. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to
be made King. Dying he gasped out: 'Tee hee, Brutus'

9. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice
for the same offense.

10. Another story was William Tell who shot an arrow through an
apple while standing on his sons head.

11. Queen Elizabeth was the 'Virgin Queen' As a Queen she was a
great success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
shouted, "Hurrah!"

12. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention
was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical
figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir
Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

13. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never
made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last
wish was to be laid by Juliet.

14. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
wrote paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise
Regained.

15. One of the causes of the revolutionary war was the English put
tacks in their tea. Also the colonists would send their parcels
through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the war
and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13
states formed the contented congress. Thomas Jefferson, a virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the declaration of
independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats
backwards and declared, 'A horse divided against itself cannot stand'
Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster
which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German and half Italian and half English. He was
very large.

17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf
he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later
died from this.

18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
reproducing by machine. The invention of the steam boat caused a
network of rivers to spring up.

19. Louis Paster discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Madman Curie
discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Mark Brothers.

20. The first world war, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck
by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.


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FREE Tax Software!
TaxACT is your ultimate tax solution! Download TaxACT and prepare
your 2001 tax return for free. TaxACT is updated to handle the new
tax law changes to get you the refund you are entitled. No rebates
or coupons required!

<a href="http://directleads.com/ad.html?o=12741&a=cd33456">Click
Here</a>

****************************************************************