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Tips for managers

1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 4:00pm and
then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. 2. If
it's really a "rush job", run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to
inquire how it's going. That helps. Or even better, hover behind me,
advising me at every keystroke. 3. Always leave without telling anyone
where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone
asks where you are. 4. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me
what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a mediocre performance rating
with a cost of living increase. I'm not here for the money anyway. 5.
If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the
priority. I like being a psychic. 6. Do your best to keep me late. I
adore this office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do. I
have no life beyond work. 7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a
secret. If that gets out, it could mean a promotion. 8. If you don't
like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in
conversations. I was born to be whipped. 9. If you have special
instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until
the job is almost done. No use confusing me with useful information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. I have no right to
know anything. In the corporate food chain, I am plankton. When you
refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them. 11. Tell
me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know
someone is less fortunate. I especially like the story about having to
pay so much taxes on the bonus check you received for being such a good
manager.

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