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Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and
the
replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots
generally
leave for maintenance crews.
Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”
Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”
Problem: “Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.”
Solution: “Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.”
Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”
Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”
Solution: “Evidence removed.”
Problem: “Number three engine missing.”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”
Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”
Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”
Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
Solution: “Live bugs on order.”
Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.”
Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”
Problem: “IFF inoperative.”
Solution: “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.”
Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”
Solution: “That's what they're there for.”

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