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There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple or
pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you
can be pretty sure it isn't canine. English muffins were not
invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are
candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take
English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers
write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers
don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is
cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice.
One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian
eat? Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by
truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet
that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a
slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a
wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day
and cold as hell another? When a house burns up, it burns down.
You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by
going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a
bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights
are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I
start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? (Author unknown)


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