"One hundred and twenty six thousand"... "One hundred and twenty seven
thousand"...  Eyes wide, the desicated salty flesh of her eyeballs in
fixed gaze evading the dangerously close slumber, which threatens to
shatter all reason.  "One hundred an"...ebony eddies enwrap her.
Insidiously a distant murmur steals proximity, the decibel slowly
rising. She could almost make it out;
"nurse .....nurse!   ...nurse!...nurse!...Nurse!!!!! I want my
morphine!!!I must have my morphine!!!! Nobody cares!!! I'm dying!!!

Lucy rolls overand sighs. It was 3:16 am. The neverending haunting
overtures of the drug seeking patient....even find you in your
sleep.......

In that case, maybe i can expand upon it. It might make a good short
story.


--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Yvette"
<yvette_n_chad@y...> wrote:
>
> I agree with marcie Matt, I've always had a special spot in my
heart
> for the banshee.....
>
>
> --- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "mouseymouseim"
> <mouseymouseim@y...> wrote:
> >
> > Matt,
> >
> > I like this one, really like this one.
> >
> > Marcie
> > --- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Matt"
> <gauvaine@y...>
> > wrote:
> > >
> > > Uncontrollable wailing. Mournful weeping. A loud hysterical
> dirge
> > > that was a lamentation of the dead. It filled up the hallways
> and
> > > seeped through the eaves of  the roof. It floated though the
> trees
> > > and bushes of the grounds. It hovered about the fountains and
> > > hedges. And made my teeth chatter.
> > >
> > > "Does she have to do that?"
> > >
> > > "She's a banshee, lad. They all do that," Angus intoned as he
> > hacked
> > > at a row of cabbages with a hoe.  We both stood in the
sprawling
> > > garden, doing our best to rid it of the weeds that were always
> > > rampant everywhere. The radishes and potatoes would next get
our
> > > attention.
> > >
> > > " They lament for their lack of life. Hating us for our own. A
> > more
> > > fell creature you will never meet."
> > >
> > > I nodded as I half-heartedly pawed at the ground with my own
> > > hoe. "But why does she have to haunt around here? Can't she go
> > into
> > > Woodbury or Brighton?" I gritted my teeth as another wail
ripped
> > > through the giant house behind me.  "And why does Lady Melanie
> > > insist on still living here? Doesn't she have holdings to the
> > north?"
> > >
> > > Angus leaned on his hoe, peering at the house in thought, as
if
> he
> > > could see the misty form of the banshee in one of the top
> > > windows.  "Aye, she has other estates. And plenty of coin to
> move
> > > about as she sees fit. But this place is where her kin are
from.
> > > Where she was born. And this is where her sister died. She's
> tied
> > to
> > > this place as surely as that hellspawn is."
> > >
> > > An uneasy feeling crept up my back. "How do you mean?"
> > >
> > > Angus sighed.  "The spirit of Lady Melanie's sister, Mary,
> haunts
> > > these grounds. It is her voice you hear wailing away. Bereft
of
> > hope
> > > and unable to pass beyond. A sad thing that is."
> > >
> >
>

Well, i always liked it. It's what came after that kind of put me off,
but not for literary reasons, but for theme and content i wasn't
comfortable with. Stone of Tears made me uneasy after the first 100
pages or so, i had to put it down and haven't been brave enough to
pick it back up again. I'll get around to it, though.

Have to say that I'm really enjoying Going Postal by Terry Pratchett.
One of his better Discworld books. Next up is Gardens of the Moon by
Erik Larsen.


--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Yvette"
<yvette_n_chad@y...> wrote:
>
> I picked up Wizards First Rule.....I've put it off, remembered
> multiple debates on this site, and have had a hankering for
something
> new.  I'll let you know what I think....
>

Ha, personal experience on that one, Y. You're showing your nursing
background. But good. Thought you had a zombie story going at first.
Of course, after working a double shift on two different floors, and
then being on call, you would feel like a zombie.

--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Yvette"
<yvette_n_chad@y...> wrote:
>
> "One hundred and twenty six thousand"... "One hundred and twenty
seven
> thousand"...  Eyes wide, the desicated salty flesh of her eyeballs
in
> fixed gaze evading the dangerously close slumber, which threatens to
> shatter all reason.  "One hundred an"...ebony eddies enwrap her.
> Insidiously a distant murmur steals proximity, the decibel slowly
> rising. She could almost make it out;
> "nurse .....nurse!   ...nurse!...nurse!...Nurse!!!!! I want my
> morphine!!!I must have my morphine!!!! Nobody cares!!! I'm dying!!!
>
> Lucy rolls overand sighs. It was 3:16 am. The neverending haunting
> overtures of the drug seeking patient....even find you in your
> sleep.......
>

Just wanted to say hi since I just joined.  I've always liked science fiction
but haven't spent a lot of time reading that genre.  I'm really wanting to start
reading more of it though but not sure where to start.  So I was hoping to get
some ideas and suggestions from the group.  I tend to like things with dragons,
wizards and magic.  I love "epics".  I just picked up a Tad Williams book but
I'm trying to finish Eldest and another book before I start it.  Looking forward
to chatting.

   Stacey


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I enjoyed the entire series except for the last book. He tends to be a
little long winded and a little too graphic at times, but the story is
intensly interesting. In fact I've reread the series several times
(Even the last book. This is a prime example of my OCD shining
through. It is impossible for me to start a series and not read every
book in that series available to me, even if it's not a great book! A
curse I tell you! A Curse!).
>
> I picked up Wizards First Rule.....I've put it off, remembered
> multiple debates on this site, and have had a hankering for
something
> new.  I'll let you know what I think....
>

Doesn't anybody want to read my humble chapters?  I am most curious
about two things:  how well does the old-fashioned language work in
the dialogue?  How well will the reader handle the very fat main
character?
>
> Sorry for getting the formatting wrong.  Here are the 1st 2
chapters
> properly formatted.  Enjoy.
>
> Chapter 1: The Comission
>
> "By Crom's frozen beard, my name is Gwig!"
>
>  The barbarian banged his tankard on the table for
> emphasis. "Not Mister Gwig, Master Gwig, Colonel Gwig, Gwig Jones,
> Gwig The Magnificent, or any other double, triple, or quadruple
> moniker!  I have only one name and that name is Gwig, plain and
> simple!"
>
>  "But hearken to this" said the richly attired minister
> reasonably.  He motioned to the wench for another tankard for his
> companion and a fresh goblet for himself.  "Mr…" he put his hand
to
> his mouth, "er.. Gwig.  In this modern age everyone needs must
have
> a second name.  What about Gwig, son of.."
>
>  "Gwig.  My father's name was Gwig."
>
>  "Well then what village are you from?  You might be Gwig of…"
>
>  "It doesn't have a name.  The locals call it "the other
> village.""
>
> "Mayhaps an occupational title: "Gwig the Mercenary""
>
>  "And have every bravo and rutterkin in every hamlet from
> here to the sea trying to slit my weasand?  I think not."
>
>  "Well then there's always…"
>
>  "I feel certain you were not about to suggest "Gwig the
> Barbarian."  He said causing the minister to gulp.  "One name has
> always sufficed me and shall continue so to do.  Primus, other
than
> mine own father I have never met another Gwig in all the land, so
> that were a friend or foe to shout in a crowd "Avast Gwig!" there
be
> little danger of a dozen swains turning around.  Secundus, My dear
> mother, by virtue of my having but one initial saved a fortune in
> the monogramming of all my fancy suits, and tertius, when I
retires
> as an old and rich man and devote myself to managing my properties
> and investments, a short signature will save my right hand from
the
> arthritis."  The little man gave a sigh and spread his hands apart
> in resignation.
>
>  "Have it your own way, but if you are to perform this
> service for my master, the king, you will need a knighthood and
will
> be perforce yclept "Sir Gwig" whether you will it or no."
>
>  "I shall worry about that an I decide to perform the service
> in the first place."  He took a long pull from his mug. "Back to
> business.  Tell me more about this "important mission.""
>
> "Why tis none other than to escort the king's youngest daughter,
The
> Princess Jucunda, in comfort and safety to her nuptials.  She is
> affianced to the Sultan of Ghaspar.  For this the king will pay
you
> three hundred golden sovereigns: One upon your departure and two
> hundred more payable by the Sultan when you deliver the princess
> into his safekeeping, plus, of course, an allowance for reasonable
> expenses."  Here his voice fell to a whisper. "The king will also
> entrust to you a number of valuable, yet easy to conceal gemstones
> which comprise the princess's dowry.  Ghaspar, as you know, lies
on
> the other side of the Furiant Mountains, beyond the lands of
Pasmea
> and Aspidouros.  On horseback the journey should not take much in
> excess of three weeks, and you will have a map showing the best
> mountain pass and the finest inns along the way."
>
>  "I would think that the king would want to send a larger and
> grander retinue."  The minister took a sip of his wine and then
put
> a hand on Gwig's shoulder, for which he had to reach up.
>
>  "I can see you are a man of the world, Sir Gwig.  Know ye
> that the queen gave birth to thirteen daughters afore the change
of
> life was upon her.  The King's younger cousin is the heir
apparent.
> With no brothers to look after them when the king is gone, it were
> paramount to marry them off to good husbands.  Augland is not a
> large kingdom and after the dowries  for her twelve older sisters,
> in sooth the king is looking to leave a little something in the
> royal treasury for his old age.  Rather than subject his beloved
> daughter to an entourage that is in any way less than regal, the
> king prefers to keep "a low profile,""  At this he held his hand
> with palm parallel to the floor at the level of his knees.  "You
are
> to travel incognito.  You've a reputation for honesty and
competence
> and in light of the delicacy of the situation his majesty is
willing
> to pay 300 sovereigns.  True, it's a bargain for a retinue but a
> handsome sum for a lone wayfarer."  Gwig looked at him over the
rim
> of his tankard.  "I could go as high as 325," he said at last.
>
> "Done!" said the barbarian, making up his mind.  The minister
beamed
>
> "I'm delighted sir!"  He handed over a small clinking
pouch.  "Here
> are some monies for provisioning.  The princess will have her own
> horse and you shall have your choice from the stables.  Would
three
> days be enough time to prepare?"
>
> "I reckon it so.  I will come to the palace two mornings after the
> morrow."  The minister moved to depart but a massive hand detained
> him.
>
> "A final question sir.  Why does she marry thus far away?  Did
they
> fall in love at a blue-blood convention of some sort?"
>
> "Nay.  Though the sultan has gazed upon a portrait of Jucunda's
> radiant visage, in the flesh they have yet to meet."
>
> Chapter 2
>
> By Herod Antipas 2005
>
>  "Sir Gwig, have another sweet roll to fortify you for
> today's journey.  The princess is seeing to the packing of her
> trousseau and will be with us anon."  Gwig winced at the
honorific,
> but accepted the pastry, putting the whole thing into his mouth
with
> a push of his forefinger in what he hoped was a delicate manner.
> The king was a hearty, red-faced man, going a little bit thick
> around the middle, tall and with a full head of hair.  The queen
was
> quite attractive, with an aquiline nose and a slender and regal
> bearing.  Her reddish locks mostly concealed the gray hairs.  She
> sat with ankles crossed, tapping the tip of a brocaded slipper.
> Both seemed friendly but slightly ill at ease, as if trying to
avoid
> an unpleasant subject.
>
>  Gwig's mind returned to the puzzles of the past few days.
> Why was the princess marrying someone who lived so far away?
> Perhaps after twelve princesses, the nearby pool of royalty had
been
> somewhat depleted, but perhaps on the other hand there was
something
> wrong with the princess which made marriage to a stranger easier
to
> bring off.  And was there not some family retainer who would have
> made a better choice than to escort her?  Why had they chose
> a "barbarian" outlander, albeit one with a good reputation?  It
was
> almost as if the king were trying to keep his daughter's marriage
a
> secret until the last possible moment.
>
>  The king's question snapped him out of his exercise in brain
> cudgeling.
>
>  "I said do you have any children, Sir Gwig?"
>
>  "None that I know of, Sire." He thought back to sassy, broad-
> hipped Wenda from his home village.  He'd heard she had gone away
to
> become a lady's maid in Artabaria. She was probably long-since wed
> by now to some ostler or wainwright.  "Betimes it has not been
easy
> with our little Jucunda."
>
>  The princess was coming into view and everything became
> clear.  She was, if not the largest girl, certainly the heaviest
> princess Gwig had ever seen.  On the tallish side, maybe 16 or 17
> hands and must have easily weighed 25 stone.  She had her mother's
> red hair, done up in ringlets with a coronet of flowers.  She had
> fine features, with broad cheekbones, ruby lips, and an upturned
> nose with a sprinkling of freckles which enhanced the girlishness
of
> her appearance.  It was harder to guess the age of fat girls, but
he
> thought her to be about 20 years old.
>
>  "She was a beautiful baby.  Probably the fairest of all our
> daughters, and certainly the liveliest.  She has kept me
constantly
> on my toes."  Here the queen interrupted.
>
>  "At first we used to try to control her girth.  How she used
> to cry when her sisters got sweetmeats and she was served carrots
at
> table.  In the end we just let her eat whatever she would and she
> seemed happier, and I suppose no fatter, for it.  But I have
worried
> so about finding her a husband.  She is virginal of course, and
not
> very knowledgeable in the ways of men."  The princess was fussing
> with a large basket now.  She wore a fine cream colored gown.  The
> bodice was laced tight, forcing her ample bosom up into two snowy
> orbs, likewise sprinkled with freckles.  Gwig wondered if she were
> freckled all over.  The dress had been cleverly tailored to
> be "concealing" but he could see that her prominant belly doubled
> over into an apron that reached to mid thigh so that everything
> jiggled when she walked.  He could make out the outline of her
navel
> through the stretched fabric.  As she approached her parents he
was
> struck by the purity and intensity of her large blue-green eyes.
>
> "Where I come from," Gwig said, treading lightly, "the men
> appreciate a goodly woman.  True she is more generously
proportioned
> than most, but the fat girls do not lack for suitors."  The
queen's
> brow furrowed at the mention of that simple word and Gwig almost
bit
> his tongue.  "I'm sorry if I have offended, your majesty.  In
sooth
> I think the Princess Jucunda is a beautiful girl."
>
> "Let us hope the sultan does likewise.  I had the royal
portraitist
> take ten stone off her and the painting be only from the shoulders
> up."
>
> When the princess reached the table Gwig stood and bowed low, from
> the waist, so that his long hair almost swept the table.
>
> "Is this the barbarian then?" Jucunda said in an amused
tone, "'Tis
> plain he possesses mighty thews, but he looks not over bright.
Art
> sure he can read a map?"  Gwig bit back a  retort, forced himself
to
> smile, and adopted a pedagogical tone.
>
> "Please allow me to allay your highnesses concerns.  Though I am
> called "barbarian" in these parts (and `tis true most of the men
of
> my land see no need for books) I was learned my letters by a
> traveling priest of Plar, the Southern god of learning.  He came
to
> our village to study nearby rock formations or some such.  I can
> also write a fair hand and I speak Lomish, Artabarian, and a
> sprinkling of the tongue of the Gnolls.  If any of these should
fail
> us, then…" he gestured to the six foot two-handed sword which he
> wore in a scabbard slung over his back "my weapon shall safeguard
> both your person and honor."
>
>  She regarded him skeptically while her parents made
> encouraging gestures.  Meanwhile a huge white mare, the size of a
> draft horse, was led in by a couple of stable hands.  She was
> bedecked with flowers and loaded with baggage.  The king spoke up
>
> "Now see, here is Buttercup, all ready for your journey.  She
shall
> be part of your dowry when you arrive."  Behind Buttercup was the
> smaller roan gelding Gwig had chosen for his own mount.  Gwig
> worried that he was supposed to help the princess mount and that
he
> might be unequal to the task, when a couple of footmen arrived
with
> a sort of staircase on wheels.  With the aid of this groaning
> contraption she assumed a ladylike sidesaddle position.  The king
> seemed eager to get things moving again.
>
> "Now daughter, you mind Sir Gwig here and follow his instructions
> regarding your safety"
>
> "Yes father" she said in a bored monotone.
>
> "And keep your expense money and dowry separate and hidden from
> view.:
>
> "Yes father."  Her mother broke in
>
> "And remember to bathe every sennight whether needed or not."
>
> "Yes mother."  Jucunda was beginning to blush, ebing treated like
> child in front of Gwig.
>
> "Neglect not to brush your teeth with a stripped twig after every
> meal, oh and put the special paper I gave you over the privy seat
> ere you use it."
>
> "Mother, please!" the princess said, outraged and blushing ever
more
> deeply.
>
> "Well it's for your own good Jucunda, and keep to the diet Dr.
> Murgroth has written out for you and maybe you could reduce by a
> whole stone before the wedding.  You know how that gown chafes you
> in the…"  The princess was blushing furiously and now seemed close
> to tears, so Gwig thought it best to cut short the queen's final
> advice.  He gave buttercup a slap on the hindquarters, sending her
> trotting off through the palace gate.  With a wave of his arm, he
> followed on the roan beyond the castle walls.
>

Yvette, I like that one.  Walking the halls listening to that.


--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Yvette"
<yvette_n_chad@y...> wrote:
>
> "One hundred and twenty six thousand"... "One hundred and twenty
seven
> thousand"...  Eyes wide, the desicated salty flesh of her eyeballs
in
> fixed gaze evading the dangerously close slumber, which threatens to
> shatter all reason.  "One hundred an"...ebony eddies enwrap her.
> Insidiously a distant murmur steals proximity, the decibel slowly
> rising. She could almost make it out;
> "nurse .....nurse!   ...nurse!...nurse!...Nurse!!!!! I want my
> morphine!!!I must have my morphine!!!! Nobody cares!!! I'm dying!!!
>
> Lucy rolls overand sighs. It was 3:16 am. The neverending haunting
> overtures of the drug seeking patient....even find you in your
> sleep.......
>

He sank into the darkness, feeling the great throbbing orb of the sun rising
over the horizon behind him.  His heart stilled as his daily death banished the
breath from his lungs.  Visions rose in his mind's eye; memories, dreams,
nightmares.  Somewhere in the distance he could hear the cries of a suffering
child and wanted to cry out himself.  A single icy tear trickled down his cheek
to lose itself in the silken depths of his casket.  Helplessness stole the light
from his soul as the lightening sky stole life from from his limbs.

Death is never easy, even when you go through it with each dawning day.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I love the old language!!!  Makes you feel you are really there in medieval
times.

and I think the reader will be able to relate more to the main character.  Lets
face it........reality is not all glamorous princesses with barbie doll shaped
figures.

we are all shaped different and some of us are plump.

I think her character helps us to relate  and I felt her pain and was more
attentive to her description and her personality.

I think its great!!!!


but that is just my opinion, :)

Christina-NC

-----Original Message-----
From: Herod Antipas <antippas@...>
To: fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Thu, 17 Nov 2005 03:33:14 -0000
Subject: [Fantasy Fiction Dungeon] Re: Reformatted first 2 chapters of Jucy and
the Barbarian


Doesn't anybody want to read my humble chapters?  I am most curious
about two things:  how well does the old-fashioned language work in
the dialogue?  How well will the reader handle the very fat main
character?
>
> Sorry for getting the formatting wrong.  Here are the 1st 2
chapters
> properly formatted.  Enjoy.
>
> Chapter 1: The Comission
>
> "By Crom's frozen beard, my name is Gwig!"
>
>   The barbarian banged his tankard on the table for
> emphasis. "Not Mister Gwig, Master Gwig, Colonel Gwig, Gwig Jones,
> Gwig The Magnificent, or any other double, triple, or quadruple
> moniker!  I have only one name and that name is Gwig, plain and
> simple!"
>
>   "But hearken to this" said the richly attired minister
> reasonably.  He motioned to the wench for another tankard for his
> companion and a fresh goblet for himself.  "Mr?" he put his hand
to
> his mouth, "er.. Gwig.  In this modern age everyone needs must
have
> a second name.  What about Gwig, son of.."
>
>   "Gwig.  My father's name was Gwig."
>
>   "Well then what village are you from?  You might be Gwig of?"
>
>   "It doesn't have a name.  The locals call it "the other
> village.""
>
> "Mayhaps an occupational title: "Gwig the Mercenary""
>
>   "And have every bravo and rutterkin in every hamlet from
> here to the sea trying to slit my weasand?  I think not."
>
>   "Well then there's always?"
>
>   "I feel certain you were not about to suggest "Gwig the
> Barbarian."  He said causing the minister to gulp.  "One name has
> always sufficed me and shall continue so to do.  Primus, other
than
> mine own father I have never met another Gwig in all the land, so
> that were a friend or foe to shout in a crowd "Avast Gwig!" there
be
> little danger of a dozen swains turning around.  Secundus, My dear
> mother, by virtue of my having but one initial saved a fortune in
> the monogramming of all my fancy suits, and tertius, when I
retires
> as an old and rich man and devote myself to managing my properties
> and investments, a short signature will save my right hand from
the
> arthritis."  The little man gave a sigh and spread his hands apart
> in resignation.
>
>   "Have it your own way, but if you are to perform this
> service for my master, the king, you will need a knighthood and
will
> be perforce yclept "Sir Gwig" whether you will it or no."
>
>   "I shall worry about that an I decide to perform the service
> in the first place."  He took a long pull from his mug. "Back to
> business.  Tell me more about this "important mission.""
>
> "Why tis none other than to escort the king's youngest daughter,
The
> Princess Jucunda, in comfort and safety to her nuptials.  She is
> affianced to the Sultan of Ghaspar.  For this the king will pay
you
> three hundred golden sovereigns: One upon your departure and two
> hundred more payable by the Sultan when you deliver the princess
> into his safekeeping, plus, of course, an allowance for reasonable
> expenses."  Here his voice fell to a whisper. "The king will also
> entrust to you a number of valuable, yet easy to conceal gemstones
> which comprise the princess's dowry.  Ghaspar, as you know, lies
on
> the other side of the Furiant Mountains, beyond the lands of
Pasmea
> and Aspidouros.  On horseback the journey should not take much in
> excess of three weeks, and you will have a map showing the best
> mountain pass and the finest inns along the way."
>
>   "I would think that the king would want to send a larger and
> grander retinue."  The minister took a sip of his wine and then
put
> a hand on Gwig's shoulder, for which he had to reach up.
>
>   "I can see you are a man of the world, Sir Gwig.  Know ye
> that the queen gave birth to thirteen daughters afore the change
of
> life was upon her.  The King's younger cousin is the heir
apparent.
> With no brothers to look after them when the king is gone, it were
> paramount to marry them off to good husbands.  Augland is not a
> large kingdom and after the dowries  for her twelve older sisters,
> in sooth the king is looking to leave a little something in the
> royal treasury for his old age.  Rather than subject his beloved
> daughter to an entourage that is in any way less than regal, the
> king prefers to keep "a low profile,""  At this he held his hand
> with palm parallel to the floor at the level of his knees.  "You
are
> to travel incognito.  You've a reputation for honesty and
competence
> and in light of the delicacy of the situation his majesty is
willing
> to pay 300 sovereigns.  True, it's a bargain for a retinue but a
> handsome sum for a lone wayfarer."  Gwig looked at him over the
rim
> of his tankard.  "I could go as high as 325," he said at last.
>
> "Done!" said the barbarian, making up his mind.  The minister
beamed
>
> "I'm delighted sir!"  He handed over a small clinking
pouch.  "Here
> are some monies for provisioning.  The princess will have her own
> horse and you shall have your choice from the stables.  Would
three
> days be enough time to prepare?"
>
> "I reckon it so.  I will come to the palace two mornings after the
> morrow."  The minister moved to depart but a massive hand detained
> him.
>
> "A final question sir.  Why does she marry thus far away?  Did
they
> fall in love at a blue-blood convention of some sort?"
>
> "Nay.  Though the sultan has gazed upon a portrait of Jucunda's
> radiant visage, in the flesh they have yet to meet."
>
> Chapter 2
>
> By Herod Antipas 2005
>
>   "Sir Gwig, have another sweet roll to fortify you for
> today's journey.  The princess is seeing to the packing of her
> trousseau and will be with us anon."  Gwig winced at the
honorific,
> but accepted the pastry, putting the whole thing into his mouth
with
> a push of his forefinger in what he hoped was a delicate manner.
> The king was a hearty, red-faced man, going a little bit thick
> around the middle, tall and with a full head of hair.  The queen
was
> quite attractive, with an aquiline nose and a slender and regal
> bearing.  Her reddish locks mostly concealed the gray hairs.  She
> sat with ankles crossed, tapping the tip of a brocaded slipper.
> Both seemed friendly but slightly ill at ease, as if trying to
avoid
> an unpleasant subject.
>
>   Gwig's mind returned to the puzzles of the past few days.
> Why was the princess marrying someone who lived so far away?
> Perhaps after twelve princesses, the nearby pool of royalty had
been
> somewhat depleted, but perhaps on the other hand there was
something
> wrong with the princess which made marriage to a stranger easier
to
> bring off.  And was there not some family retainer who would have
> made a better choice than to escort her?  Why had they chose
> a "barbarian" outlander, albeit one with a good reputation?  It
was
> almost as if the king were trying to keep his daughter's marriage
a
> secret until the last possible moment.
>
>   The king's question snapped him out of his exercise in brain
> cudgeling.
>
>   "I said do you have any children, Sir Gwig?"
>
>   "None that I know of, Sire." He thought back to sassy, broad-
> hipped Wenda from his home village.  He'd heard she had gone away
to
> become a lady's maid in Artabaria. She was probably long-since wed
> by now to some ostler or wainwright.  "Betimes it has not been
easy
> with our little Jucunda."
>
>   The princess was coming into view and everything became
> clear.  She was, if not the largest girl, certainly the heaviest
> princess Gwig had ever seen.  On the tallish side, maybe 16 or 17
> hands and must have easily weighed 25 stone.  She had her mother's
> red hair, done up in ringlets with a coronet of flowers.  She had
> fine features, with broad cheekbones, ruby lips, and an upturned
> nose with a sprinkling of freckles which enhanced the girlishness
of
> her appearance.  It was harder to guess the age of fat girls, but
he
> thought her to be about 20 years old.
>
>   "She was a beautiful baby.  Probably the fairest of all our
> daughters, and certainly the liveliest.  She has kept me
constantly
> on my toes."  Here the queen interrupted.
>
>   "At first we used to try to control her girth.  How she used
> to cry when her sisters got sweetmeats and she was served carrots
at
> table.  In the end we just let her eat whatever she would and she
> seemed happier, and I suppose no fatter, for it.  But I have
worried
> so about finding her a husband.  She is virginal of course, and
not
> very knowledgeable in the ways of men."  The princess was fussing
> with a large basket now.  She wore a fine cream colored gown.  The
> bodice was laced tight, forcing her ample bosom up into two snowy
> orbs, likewise sprinkled with freckles.  Gwig wondered if she were
> freckled all over.  The dress had been cleverly tailored to
> be "concealing" but he could see that her prominant belly doubled
> over into an apron that reached to mid thigh so that everything
> jiggled when she walked.  He could make out the outline of her
navel
> through the stretched fabric.  As she approached her parents he
was
> struck by the purity and intensity of her large blue-green eyes.
>
> "Where I come from," Gwig said, treading lightly, "the men
> appreciate a goodly woman.  True she is more generously
proportioned
> than most, but the fat girls do not lack for suitors."  The
queen's
> brow furrowed at the mention of that simple word and Gwig almost
bit
> his tongue.  "I'm sorry if I have offended, your majesty.  In
sooth
> I think the Princess Jucunda is a beautiful girl."
>
> "Let us hope the sultan does likewise.  I had the royal
portraitist
> take ten stone off her and the painting be only from the shoulders
> up."
>
> When the princess reached the table Gwig stood and bowed low, from
> the waist, so that his long hair almost swept the table.
>
> "Is this the barbarian then?" Jucunda said in an amused
tone, "'Tis
> plain he possesses mighty thews, but he looks not over bright.
Art
> sure he can read a map?"  Gwig bit back a  retort, forced himself
to
> smile, and adopted a pedagogical tone.
>
> "Please allow me to allay your highnesses concerns.  Though I am
> called "barbarian" in these parts (and `tis true most of the men
of
> my land see no need for books) I was learned my letters by a
> traveling priest of Plar, the Southern god of learning.  He came
to
> our village to study nearby rock formations or some such.  I can
> also write a fair hand and I speak Lomish, Artabarian, and a
> sprinkling of the tongue of the Gnolls.  If any of these should
fail
> us, then?" he gestured to the six foot two-handed sword which he
> wore in a scabbard slung over his back "my weapon shall safeguard
> both your person and honor."
>
>   She regarded him skeptically while her parents made
> encouraging gestures.  Meanwhile a huge white mare, the size of a
> draft horse, was led in by a couple of stable hands.  She was
> bedecked with flowers and loaded with baggage.  The king spoke up
>
> "Now see, here is Buttercup, all ready for your journey.  She
shall
> be part of your dowry when you arrive."  Behind Buttercup was the
> smaller roan gelding Gwig had chosen for his own mount.  Gwig
> worried that he was supposed to help the princess mount and that
he
> might be unequal to the task, when a couple of footmen arrived
with
> a sort of staircase on wheels.  With the aid of this groaning
> contraption she assumed a ladylike sidesaddle position.  The king
> seemed eager to get things moving again.
>
> "Now daughter, you mind Sir Gwig here and follow his instructions
> regarding your safety"
>
> "Yes father" she said in a bored monotone.
>
> "And keep your expense money and dowry separate and hidden from
> view.:
>
> "Yes father."  Her mother broke in
>
> "And remember to bathe every sennight whether needed or not."
>
> "Yes mother."  Jucunda was beginning to blush, ebing treated like
> child in front of Gwig.
>
> "Neglect not to brush your teeth with a stripped twig after every
> meal, oh and put the special paper I gave you over the privy seat
> ere you use it."
>
> "Mother, please!" the princess said, outraged and blushing ever
more
> deeply.
>
> "Well it's for your own good Jucunda, and keep to the diet Dr.
> Murgroth has written out for you and maybe you could reduce by a
> whole stone before the wedding.  You know how that gown chafes you
> in the?"  The princess was blushing furiously and now seemed close
> to tears, so Gwig thought it best to cut short the queen's final
> advice.  He gave buttercup a slap on the hindquarters, sending her
> trotting off through the palace gate.  With a wave of his arm, he
> followed on the roan beyond the castle walls.
>








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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I also enjoyed the old language! It wasn't so overboard that you
couldn't follow the story (like with Michelle West's Sun Sword
books). I don't think that there is anything wrong with a fat main
character. I do think that it might be wise to consider carefully
how you refer to her size if you are planning on this being a
mainstream novel.("It was harder to guess the age of fat girls,
but...") words like fat are harsh and might put off some women. In
general though, I like the idea of a large main character. She will
be more sympatheic and original.

> he
> > thought her to be about 20 years old. --- In
fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Herod Antipas"
<antippas@h...> wrote:
>
> Doesn't anybody want to read my humble chapters?  I am most
curious
> about two things:  how well does the old-fashioned language work
in
> the dialogue?  How well will the reader handle the very fat main
> character?
> >
> > Sorry for getting the formatting wrong.  Here are the 1st 2
> chapters
> > properly formatted.  Enjoy.
> >
> > Chapter 1: The Comission
> >
> > "By Crom's frozen beard, my name is Gwig!"
> >
> >  The barbarian banged his tankard on the table for
> > emphasis. "Not Mister Gwig, Master Gwig, Colonel Gwig, Gwig
Jones,
> > Gwig The Magnificent, or any other double, triple, or quadruple
> > moniker!  I have only one name and that name is Gwig, plain and
> > simple!"
> >
> >  "But hearken to this" said the richly attired minister
> > reasonably.  He motioned to the wench for another tankard for
his
> > companion and a fresh goblet for himself.  "Mr…" he put his hand
> to
> > his mouth, "er.. Gwig.  In this modern age everyone needs must
> have
> > a second name.  What about Gwig, son of.."
> >
> >  "Gwig.  My father's name was Gwig."
> >
> >  "Well then what village are you from?  You might be Gwig of…"
> >
> >  "It doesn't have a name.  The locals call it "the other
> > village.""
> >
> > "Mayhaps an occupational title: "Gwig the Mercenary""
> >
> >  "And have every bravo and rutterkin in every hamlet from
> > here to the sea trying to slit my weasand?  I think not."
> >
> >  "Well then there's always…"
> >
> >  "I feel certain you were not about to suggest "Gwig the
> > Barbarian."  He said causing the minister to gulp.  "One name
has
> > always sufficed me and shall continue so to do.  Primus, other
> than
> > mine own father I have never met another Gwig in all the land,
so
> > that were a friend or foe to shout in a crowd "Avast Gwig!"
there
> be
> > little danger of a dozen swains turning around.  Secundus, My
dear
> > mother, by virtue of my having but one initial saved a fortune
in
> > the monogramming of all my fancy suits, and tertius, when I
> retires
> > as an old and rich man and devote myself to managing my
properties
> > and investments, a short signature will save my right hand from
> the
> > arthritis."  The little man gave a sigh and spread his hands
apart
> > in resignation.
> >
> >  "Have it your own way, but if you are to perform this
> > service for my master, the king, you will need a knighthood and
> will
> > be perforce yclept "Sir Gwig" whether you will it or no."
> >
> >  "I shall worry about that an I decide to perform the service
> > in the first place."  He took a long pull from his mug. "Back to
> > business.  Tell me more about this "important mission.""
> >
> > "Why tis none other than to escort the king's youngest daughter,
> The
> > Princess Jucunda, in comfort and safety to her nuptials.  She is
> > affianced to the Sultan of Ghaspar.  For this the king will pay
> you
> > three hundred golden sovereigns: One upon your departure and two
> > hundred more payable by the Sultan when you deliver the princess
> > into his safekeeping, plus, of course, an allowance for
reasonable
> > expenses."  Here his voice fell to a whisper. "The king will
also
> > entrust to you a number of valuable, yet easy to conceal
gemstones
> > which comprise the princess's dowry.  Ghaspar, as you know, lies
> on
> > the other side of the Furiant Mountains, beyond the lands of
> Pasmea
> > and Aspidouros.  On horseback the journey should not take much
in
> > excess of three weeks, and you will have a map showing the best
> > mountain pass and the finest inns along the way."
> >
> >  "I would think that the king would want to send a larger and
> > grander retinue."  The minister took a sip of his wine and then
> put
> > a hand on Gwig's shoulder, for which he had to reach up.
> >
> >  "I can see you are a man of the world, Sir Gwig.  Know ye
> > that the queen gave birth to thirteen daughters afore the change
> of
> > life was upon her.  The King's younger cousin is the heir
> apparent.
> > With no brothers to look after them when the king is gone, it
were
> > paramount to marry them off to good husbands.  Augland is not a
> > large kingdom and after the dowries  for her twelve older
sisters,
> > in sooth the king is looking to leave a little something in the
> > royal treasury for his old age.  Rather than subject his beloved
> > daughter to an entourage that is in any way less than regal, the
> > king prefers to keep "a low profile,""  At this he held his hand
> > with palm parallel to the floor at the level of his knees.  "You
> are
> > to travel incognito.  You've a reputation for honesty and
> competence
> > and in light of the delicacy of the situation his majesty is
> willing
> > to pay 300 sovereigns.  True, it's a bargain for a retinue but a
> > handsome sum for a lone wayfarer."  Gwig looked at him over the
> rim
> > of his tankard.  "I could go as high as 325," he said at last.
> >
> > "Done!" said the barbarian, making up his mind.  The minister
> beamed
> >
> > "I'm delighted sir!"  He handed over a small clinking
> pouch.  "Here
> > are some monies for provisioning.  The princess will have her
own
> > horse and you shall have your choice from the stables.  Would
> three
> > days be enough time to prepare?"
> >
> > "I reckon it so.  I will come to the palace two mornings after
the
> > morrow."  The minister moved to depart but a massive hand
detained
> > him.
> >
> > "A final question sir.  Why does she marry thus far away?  Did
> they
> > fall in love at a blue-blood convention of some sort?"
> >
> > "Nay.  Though the sultan has gazed upon a portrait of Jucunda's
> > radiant visage, in the flesh they have yet to meet."
> >
> > Chapter 2
> >
> > By Herod Antipas 2005
> >
> >  "Sir Gwig, have another sweet roll to fortify you for
> > today's journey.  The princess is seeing to the packing of her
> > trousseau and will be with us anon."  Gwig winced at the
> honorific,
> > but accepted the pastry, putting the whole thing into his mouth
> with
> > a push of his forefinger in what he hoped was a delicate
manner.
> > The king was a hearty, red-faced man, going a little bit thick
> > around the middle, tall and with a full head of hair.  The queen
> was
> > quite attractive, with an aquiline nose and a slender and regal
> > bearing.  Her reddish locks mostly concealed the gray hairs.
She
> > sat with ankles crossed, tapping the tip of a brocaded slipper.
> > Both seemed friendly but slightly ill at ease, as if trying to
> avoid
> > an unpleasant subject.
> >
> >  Gwig's mind returned to the puzzles of the past few days.
> > Why was the princess marrying someone who lived so far away?
> > Perhaps after twelve princesses, the nearby pool of royalty had
> been
> > somewhat depleted, but perhaps on the other hand there was
> something
> > wrong with the princess which made marriage to a stranger easier
> to
> > bring off.  And was there not some family retainer who would
have
> > made a better choice than to escort her?  Why had they chose
> > a "barbarian" outlander, albeit one with a good reputation?  It
> was
> > almost as if the king were trying to keep his daughter's
marriage
> a
> > secret until the last possible moment.
> >
> >  The king's question snapped him out of his exercise in brain
> > cudgeling.
> >
> >  "I said do you have any children, Sir Gwig?"
> >
> >  "None that I know of, Sire." He thought back to sassy, broad-
> > hipped Wenda from his home village.  He'd heard she had gone
away
> to
> > become a lady's maid in Artabaria. She was probably long-since
wed
> > by now to some ostler or wainwright.  "Betimes it has not been
> easy
> > with our little Jucunda."
> >
> >  The princess was coming into view and everything became
> > clear.  She was, if not the largest girl, certainly the heaviest
> > princess Gwig had ever seen.  On the tallish side, maybe 16 or
17
> > hands and must have easily weighed 25 stone.  She had her
mother's
> > red hair, done up in ringlets with a coronet of flowers.  She
had
> > fine features, with broad cheekbones, ruby lips, and an upturned
> > nose with a sprinkling of freckles which enhanced the
girlishness
> of
> > her appearance.  It was harder to guess the age of fat girls,
but
> he
> > thought her to be about 20 years old.
> >
> >  "She was a beautiful baby.  Probably the fairest of all our
> > daughters, and certainly the liveliest.  She has kept me
> constantly
> > on my toes."  Here the queen interrupted.
> >
> >  "At first we used to try to control her girth.  How she used
> > to cry when her sisters got sweetmeats and she was served
carrots
> at
> > table.  In the end we just let her eat whatever she would and
she
> > seemed happier, and I suppose no fatter, for it.  But I have
> worried
> > so about finding her a husband.  She is virginal of course, and
> not
> > very knowledgeable in the ways of men."  The princess was
fussing
> > with a large basket now.  She wore a fine cream colored gown.
The
> > bodice was laced tight, forcing her ample bosom up into two
snowy
> > orbs, likewise sprinkled with freckles.  Gwig wondered if she
were
> > freckled all over.  The dress had been cleverly tailored to
> > be "concealing" but he could see that her prominant belly
doubled
> > over into an apron that reached to mid thigh so that everything
> > jiggled when she walked.  He could make out the outline of her
> navel
> > through the stretched fabric.  As she approached her parents he
> was
> > struck by the purity and intensity of her large blue-green eyes.
> >
> > "Where I come from," Gwig said, treading lightly, "the men
> > appreciate a goodly woman.  True she is more generously
> proportioned
> > than most, but the fat girls do not lack for suitors."  The
> queen's
> > brow furrowed at the mention of that simple word and Gwig almost
> bit
> > his tongue.  "I'm sorry if I have offended, your majesty.  In
> sooth
> > I think the Princess Jucunda is a beautiful girl."
> >
> > "Let us hope the sultan does likewise.  I had the royal
> portraitist
> > take ten stone off her and the painting be only from the
shoulders
> > up."
> >
> > When the princess reached the table Gwig stood and bowed low,
from
> > the waist, so that his long hair almost swept the table.
> >
> > "Is this the barbarian then?" Jucunda said in an amused
> tone, "'Tis
> > plain he possesses mighty thews, but he looks not over bright.
> Art
> > sure he can read a map?"  Gwig bit back a  retort, forced
himself
> to
> > smile, and adopted a pedagogical tone.
> >
> > "Please allow me to allay your highnesses concerns.  Though I am
> > called "barbarian" in these parts (and `tis true most of the men
> of
> > my land see no need for books) I was learned my letters by a
> > traveling priest of Plar, the Southern god of learning.  He came
> to
> > our village to study nearby rock formations or some such.  I can
> > also write a fair hand and I speak Lomish, Artabarian, and a
> > sprinkling of the tongue of the Gnolls.  If any of these should
> fail
> > us, then…" he gestured to the six foot two-handed sword which he
> > wore in a scabbard slung over his back "my weapon shall
safeguard
> > both your person and honor."
> >
> >  She regarded him skeptically while her parents made
> > encouraging gestures.  Meanwhile a huge white mare, the size of
a
> > draft horse, was led in by a couple of stable hands.  She was
> > bedecked with flowers and loaded with baggage.  The king spoke up
> >
> > "Now see, here is Buttercup, all ready for your journey.  She
> shall
> > be part of your dowry when you arrive."  Behind Buttercup was
the
> > smaller roan gelding Gwig had chosen for his own mount.  Gwig
> > worried that he was supposed to help the princess mount and that
> he
> > might be unequal to the task, when a couple of footmen arrived
> with
> > a sort of staircase on wheels.  With the aid of this groaning
> > contraption she assumed a ladylike sidesaddle position.  The
king
> > seemed eager to get things moving again.
> >
> > "Now daughter, you mind Sir Gwig here and follow his
instructions
> > regarding your safety"
> >
> > "Yes father" she said in a bored monotone.
> >
> > "And keep your expense money and dowry separate and hidden from
> > view.:
> >
> > "Yes father."  Her mother broke in
> >
> > "And remember to bathe every sennight whether needed or not."
> >
> > "Yes mother."  Jucunda was beginning to blush, ebing treated
like
> > child in front of Gwig.
> >
> > "Neglect not to brush your teeth with a stripped twig after
every
> > meal, oh and put the special paper I gave you over the privy
seat
> > ere you use it."
> >
> > "Mother, please!" the princess said, outraged and blushing ever
> more
> > deeply.
> >
> > "Well it's for your own good Jucunda, and keep to the diet Dr.
> > Murgroth has written out for you and maybe you could reduce by a
> > whole stone before the wedding.  You know how that gown chafes
you
> > in the…"  The princess was blushing furiously and now seemed
close
> > to tears, so Gwig thought it best to cut short the queen's final
> > advice.  He gave buttercup a slap on the hindquarters, sending
her
> > trotting off through the palace gate.  With a wave of his arm,
he
> > followed on the roan beyond the castle walls.
> >
>

I think it's quite comical. It reads little like Groo the Wanderer,
for your Sergio Aragones fans out there. It does have a Robert Aprin
feel to it with some Terry Pratchett throw in. I would cut down on
some of the archaic language, though. It adds satire, up to a point.
Past that, it becomes distracting and annoying. Most editors will
let you get away with a little bit for characterization's sake, but
will cringe at too much.

Are you purposely being satirish or do you want a heroic fantasy
type story that has humor to it? There's a difference.

--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Herod Antipas"
<antippas@h...> wrote:
>
> Doesn't anybody want to read my humble chapters?  I am most
curious
> about two things:  how well does the old-fashioned language work
in
> the dialogue?  How well will the reader handle the very fat main
> character?
> >
> > Sorry for getting the formatting wrong.  Here are the 1st 2
> chapters
> > properly formatted.  Enjoy.
> >
> > Chapter 1: The Comission
> >
> > "By Crom's frozen beard, my name is Gwig!"
> >
> >  The barbarian banged his tankard on the table for
> > emphasis. "Not Mister Gwig, Master Gwig, Colonel Gwig, Gwig
Jones,
> > Gwig The Magnificent, or any other double, triple, or quadruple
> > moniker!  I have only one name and that name is Gwig, plain and
> > simple!"
> >
> >  "But hearken to this" said the richly attired minister
> > reasonably.  He motioned to the wench for another tankard for
his
> > companion and a fresh goblet for himself.  "Mr…" he put his hand
> to
> > his mouth, "er.. Gwig.  In this modern age everyone needs must
> have
> > a second name.  What about Gwig, son of.."
> >
> >  "Gwig.  My father's name was Gwig."
> >
> >  "Well then what village are you from?  You might be Gwig of…"
> >
> >  "It doesn't have a name.  The locals call it "the other
> > village.""
> >
> > "Mayhaps an occupational title: "Gwig the Mercenary""
> >
> >  "And have every bravo and rutterkin in every hamlet from
> > here to the sea trying to slit my weasand?  I think not."
> >
> >  "Well then there's always…"
> >
> >  "I feel certain you were not about to suggest "Gwig the
> > Barbarian."  He said causing the minister to gulp.  "One name
has
> > always sufficed me and shall continue so to do.  Primus, other
> than
> > mine own father I have never met another Gwig in all the land,
so
> > that were a friend or foe to shout in a crowd "Avast Gwig!"
there
> be
> > little danger of a dozen swains turning around.  Secundus, My
dear
> > mother, by virtue of my having but one initial saved a fortune
in
> > the monogramming of all my fancy suits, and tertius, when I
> retires
> > as an old and rich man and devote myself to managing my
properties
> > and investments, a short signature will save my right hand from
> the
> > arthritis."  The little man gave a sigh and spread his hands
apart
> > in resignation.
> >
> >  "Have it your own way, but if you are to perform this
> > service for my master, the king, you will need a knighthood and
> will
> > be perforce yclept "Sir Gwig" whether you will it or no."
> >
> >  "I shall worry about that an I decide to perform the service
> > in the first place."  He took a long pull from his mug. "Back to
> > business.  Tell me more about this "important mission.""
> >
> > "Why tis none other than to escort the king's youngest daughter,
> The
> > Princess Jucunda, in comfort and safety to her nuptials.  She is
> > affianced to the Sultan of Ghaspar.  For this the king will pay
> you
> > three hundred golden sovereigns: One upon your departure and two
> > hundred more payable by the Sultan when you deliver the princess
> > into his safekeeping, plus, of course, an allowance for
reasonable
> > expenses."  Here his voice fell to a whisper. "The king will
also
> > entrust to you a number of valuable, yet easy to conceal
gemstones
> > which comprise the princess's dowry.  Ghaspar, as you know, lies
> on
> > the other side of the Furiant Mountains, beyond the lands of
> Pasmea
> > and Aspidouros.  On horseback the journey should not take much
in
> > excess of three weeks, and you will have a map showing the best
> > mountain pass and the finest inns along the way."
> >
> >  "I would think that the king would want to send a larger and
> > grander retinue."  The minister took a sip of his wine and then
> put
> > a hand on Gwig's shoulder, for which he had to reach up.
> >
> >  "I can see you are a man of the world, Sir Gwig.  Know ye
> > that the queen gave birth to thirteen daughters afore the change
> of
> > life was upon her.  The King's younger cousin is the heir
> apparent.
> > With no brothers to look after them when the king is gone, it
were
> > paramount to marry them off to good husbands.  Augland is not a
> > large kingdom and after the dowries  for her twelve older
sisters,
> > in sooth the king is looking to leave a little something in the
> > royal treasury for his old age.  Rather than subject his beloved
> > daughter to an entourage that is in any way less than regal, the
> > king prefers to keep "a low profile,""  At this he held his hand
> > with palm parallel to the floor at the level of his knees.  "You
> are
> > to travel incognito.  You've a reputation for honesty and
> competence
> > and in light of the delicacy of the situation his majesty is
> willing
> > to pay 300 sovereigns.  True, it's a bargain for a retinue but a
> > handsome sum for a lone wayfarer."  Gwig looked at him over the
> rim
> > of his tankard.  "I could go as high as 325," he said at last.
> >
> > "Done!" said the barbarian, making up his mind.  The minister
> beamed
> >
> > "I'm delighted sir!"  He handed over a small clinking
> pouch.  "Here
> > are some monies for provisioning.  The princess will have her
own
> > horse and you shall have your choice from the stables.  Would
> three
> > days be enough time to prepare?"
> >
> > "I reckon it so.  I will come to the palace two mornings after
the
> > morrow."  The minister moved to depart but a massive hand
detained
> > him.
> >
> > "A final question sir.  Why does she marry thus far away?  Did
> they
> > fall in love at a blue-blood convention of some sort?"
> >
> > "Nay.  Though the sultan has gazed upon a portrait of Jucunda's
> > radiant visage, in the flesh they have yet to meet."
> >
> > Chapter 2
> >
> > By Herod Antipas 2005
> >
> >  "Sir Gwig, have another sweet roll to fortify you for
> > today's journey.  The princess is seeing to the packing of her
> > trousseau and will be with us anon."  Gwig winced at the
> honorific,
> > but accepted the pastry, putting the whole thing into his mouth
> with
> > a push of his forefinger in what he hoped was a delicate
manner.
> > The king was a hearty, red-faced man, going a little bit thick
> > around the middle, tall and with a full head of hair.  The queen
> was
> > quite attractive, with an aquiline nose and a slender and regal
> > bearing.  Her reddish locks mostly concealed the gray hairs.
She
> > sat with ankles crossed, tapping the tip of a brocaded slipper.
> > Both seemed friendly but slightly ill at ease, as if trying to
> avoid
> > an unpleasant subject.
> >
> >  Gwig's mind returned to the puzzles of the past few days.
> > Why was the princess marrying someone who lived so far away?
> > Perhaps after twelve princesses, the nearby pool of royalty had
> been
> > somewhat depleted, but perhaps on the other hand there was
> something
> > wrong with the princess which made marriage to a stranger easier
> to
> > bring off.  And was there not some family retainer who would
have
> > made a better choice than to escort her?  Why had they chose
> > a "barbarian" outlander, albeit one with a good reputation?  It
> was
> > almost as if the king were trying to keep his daughter's
marriage
> a
> > secret until the last possible moment.
> >
> >  The king's question snapped him out of his exercise in brain
> > cudgeling.
> >
> >  "I said do you have any children, Sir Gwig?"
> >
> >  "None that I know of, Sire." He thought back to sassy, broad-
> > hipped Wenda from his home village.  He'd heard she had gone
away
> to
> > become a lady's maid in Artabaria. She was probably long-since
wed
> > by now to some ostler or wainwright.  "Betimes it has not been
> easy
> > with our little Jucunda."
> >
> >  The princess was coming into view and everything became
> > clear.  She was, if not the largest girl, certainly the heaviest
> > princess Gwig had ever seen.  On the tallish side, maybe 16 or
17
> > hands and must have easily weighed 25 stone.  She had her
mother's
> > red hair, done up in ringlets with a coronet of flowers.  She
had
> > fine features, with broad cheekbones, ruby lips, and an upturned
> > nose with a sprinkling of freckles which enhanced the
girlishness
> of
> > her appearance.  It was harder to guess the age of fat girls,
but
> he
> > thought her to be about 20 years old.
> >
> >  "She was a beautiful baby.  Probably the fairest of all our
> > daughters, and certainly the liveliest.  She has kept me
> constantly
> > on my toes."  Here the queen interrupted.
> >
> >  "At first we used to try to control her girth.  How she used
> > to cry when her sisters got sweetmeats and she was served
carrots
> at
> > table.  In the end we just let her eat whatever she would and
she
> > seemed happier, and I suppose no fatter, for it.  But I have
> worried
> > so about finding her a husband.  She is virginal of course, and
> not
> > very knowledgeable in the ways of men."  The princess was
fussing
> > with a large basket now.  She wore a fine cream colored gown.
The
> > bodice was laced tight, forcing her ample bosom up into two
snowy
> > orbs, likewise sprinkled with freckles.  Gwig wondered if she
were
> > freckled all over.  The dress had been cleverly tailored to
> > be "concealing" but he could see that her prominant belly
doubled
> > over into an apron that reached to mid thigh so that everything
> > jiggled when she walked.  He could make out the outline of her
> navel
> > through the stretched fabric.  As she approached her parents he
> was
> > struck by the purity and intensity of her large blue-green eyes.
> >
> > "Where I come from," Gwig said, treading lightly, "the men
> > appreciate a goodly woman.  True she is more generously
> proportioned
> > than most, but the fat girls do not lack for suitors."  The
> queen's
> > brow furrowed at the mention of that simple word and Gwig almost
> bit
> > his tongue.  "I'm sorry if I have offended, your majesty.  In
> sooth
> > I think the Princess Jucunda is a beautiful girl."
> >
> > "Let us hope the sultan does likewise.  I had the royal
> portraitist
> > take ten stone off her and the painting be only from the
shoulders
> > up."
> >
> > When the princess reached the table Gwig stood and bowed low,
from
> > the waist, so that his long hair almost swept the table.
> >
> > "Is this the barbarian then?" Jucunda said in an amused
> tone, "'Tis
> > plain he possesses mighty thews, but he looks not over bright.
> Art
> > sure he can read a map?"  Gwig bit back a  retort, forced
himself
> to
> > smile, and adopted a pedagogical tone.
> >
> > "Please allow me to allay your highnesses concerns.  Though I am
> > called "barbarian" in these parts (and `tis true most of the men
> of
> > my land see no need for books) I was learned my letters by a
> > traveling priest of Plar, the Southern god of learning.  He came
> to
> > our village to study nearby rock formations or some such.  I can
> > also write a fair hand and I speak Lomish, Artabarian, and a
> > sprinkling of the tongue of the Gnolls.  If any of these should
> fail
> > us, then…" he gestured to the six foot two-handed sword which he
> > wore in a scabbard slung over his back "my weapon shall
safeguard
> > both your person and honor."
> >
> >  She regarded him skeptically while her parents made
> > encouraging gestures.  Meanwhile a huge white mare, the size of
a
> > draft horse, was led in by a couple of stable hands.  She was
> > bedecked with flowers and loaded with baggage.  The king spoke up
> >
> > "Now see, here is Buttercup, all ready for your journey.  She
> shall
> > be part of your dowry when you arrive."  Behind Buttercup was
the
> > smaller roan gelding Gwig had chosen for his own mount.  Gwig
> > worried that he was supposed to help the princess mount and that
> he
> > might be unequal to the task, when a couple of footmen arrived
> with
> > a sort of staircase on wheels.  With the aid of this groaning
> > contraption she assumed a ladylike sidesaddle position.  The
king
> > seemed eager to get things moving again.
> >
> > "Now daughter, you mind Sir Gwig here and follow his
instructions
> > regarding your safety"
> >
> > "Yes father" she said in a bored monotone.
> >
> > "And keep your expense money and dowry separate and hidden from
> > view.:
> >
> > "Yes father."  Her mother broke in
> >
> > "And remember to bathe every sennight whether needed or not."
> >
> > "Yes mother."  Jucunda was beginning to blush, ebing treated
like
> > child in front of Gwig.
> >
> > "Neglect not to brush your teeth with a stripped twig after
every
> > meal, oh and put the special paper I gave you over the privy
seat
> > ere you use it."
> >
> > "Mother, please!" the princess said, outraged and blushing ever
> more
> > deeply.
> >
> > "Well it's for your own good Jucunda, and keep to the diet Dr.
> > Murgroth has written out for you and maybe you could reduce by a
> > whole stone before the wedding.  You know how that gown chafes
you
> > in the…"  The princess was blushing furiously and now seemed
close
> > to tears, so Gwig thought it best to cut short the queen's final
> > advice.  He gave buttercup a slap on the hindquarters, sending
her
> > trotting off through the palace gate.  With a wave of his arm,
he
> > followed on the roan beyond the castle walls.
> >
>

Stacy,
   You won't be disappointed with Tad Williams if you love dragons,
wizards, and magic. Just written in a very literary, adult style
that i found refreshing and sadly lacking these days in most things.
The Dragonbone Chair has to be one of my top 3 books, in any genre.
I think Yvette would second that.

As for science fiction, i don't read a ton of it. I tend to pick and
choose carefully when i venture there because there's alot of bad
scifi out there that is just boring to tears. I've read alot of
older stuff like Dune, the Riverworld books, Larry Niven, Fred
Saberhagen.

I would recommend a few recent books, but i'm no expert. You might
try:

Kiln People by David Brin
Deathstalker by Simon Green
Souls of the Great Machine by Sean McMullen



--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, Stacey
<molleysmommy@y...> wrote:
>
> Just wanted to say hi since I just joined.  I've always liked
science fiction but haven't spent a lot of time reading that genre.
I'm really wanting to start reading more of it though but not sure
where to start.  So I was hoping to get some ideas and suggestions
from the group.  I tend to like things with dragons, wizards and
magic.  I love "epics".  I just picked up a Tad Williams book but
I'm trying to finish Eldest and another book before I start it.
Looking forward to chatting.
>
>   Stacey
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Pathos is always good for vampires. Too bad Laura Hamilton has
forgotten that. lol. Very good Saje.

--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Saje" <soulsaje@c...>
wrote:
>
>
> He sank into the darkness, feeling the great throbbing orb of the
sun rising over the horizon behind him.  His heart stilled as his
daily death banished the breath from his lungs.  Visions rose in his
mind's eye; memories, dreams, nightmares.  Somewhere in the distance
he could hear the cries of a suffering child and wanted to cry out
himself.  A single icy tear trickled down his cheek to lose itself
in the silken depths of his casket.  Helplessness stole the light
from his soul as the lightening sky stole life from from his limbs.
>
> Death is never easy, even when you go through it with each dawning
day.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

>
> I think it's quite comical. It reads little like Groo the
Wanderer,
> for your Sergio Aragones fans out there. It does have a Robert
Aprin
> feel to it with some Terry Pratchett throw in.


Those are all good influences, and as I saidm there is plenty of L
Sprague de Camp as well


  I would cut down on
> some of the archaic language, though. It adds satire, up to a
point.
> Past that, it becomes distracting and annoying. Most editors will
> let you get away with a little bit for characterization's sake,
but
> will cringe at too much.

It does tone down as the story progresses.  I guess it was hard to
keep it up!



>
> Are you purposely being satirish or do you want a heroic fantasy
> type story that has humor to it? There's a difference.

I guess I would say that it has respect for heroic fantasy.  It's
really more of a humorous heroic fantasy than a satire.  I'm not
really making fun of the genre, just using it for a humorous story

Point taken, although that particular passage is meant to refelct
Gwig's state of mind and since he is a barbarian, who really doesn't
understand euphemisms and other niceties, he just thinks of Jucunda
as "fat".  But on the positive side, he is able to use the word
because he doesn;t see anything inherently wrong with being fat.  Did
you notice though how he accidentally offended the queen by describing
her that way?



>
> I also enjoyed the old language! It wasn't so overboard that you
> couldn't follow the story (like with Michelle West's Sun Sword
> books). I don't think that there is anything wrong with a fat main
> character. I do think that it might be wise to consider carefully
> how you refer to her size if you are planning on this being a
> mainstream novel.("It was harder to guess the age of fat girls,
> but...") words like fat are harsh and might put off some women. In
> general though, I like the idea of a large main character. She will
> be more sympatheic and original.
>

>
> I love the old language!!!  Makes you feel you are really there in
medieval times.
>
> and I think the reader will be able to relate more to the main
character.  Lets face it........reality is not all glamorous
princesses with barbie doll shaped figures.
>
> we are all shaped different and some of us are plump.
>
> I think her character helps us to relate  and I felt her pain and
was more attentive to her description and her personality.
>
> I think its great!!!!
>
>
> but that is just my opinion, :)

Thanx and thanx for your insightful comments about the princess.
I'll post some more shortly.

H.A.

There  are some very different styles of sci-fi, some 'harder' than  others.  My
own interest is in the characters, not the accuracy of  the science, so I prefer
softer sf, like Bujold's Miles Vorkosigan  series.  There are several StarTrek
novels by Diane Carey that are  very good, although I've not sen anything by her
outside of the  series.  Right now I'm reading Pullman's Golden Compass series,
a  strange mix of fantasy and sf, similar to some of the stuff that Dave  Duncan
does.

   --- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, Stacey
   <molleysmommy@y...> wrote:
   >
   > Just wanted to say hi since I just joined.  I've always liked
   science fiction but haven't spent a lot of time reading that genre.
   I'm really wanting to start reading more of it though but not sure
   where to start.  So I was hoping to get some ideas and suggestions
   from the group.  I tend to like things with dragons, wizards and
   magic.  I love "epics".  I just picked up a Tad Williams book but
   I'm trying to finish Eldest and another book before I start it.
   Looking forward to chatting.
   >
   >   Stacey




Marc Vun Kannon

http://www.marcvunkannon.com

Unbinding the Stone--Making lemonade from fantasy lemons
Coming in October, 2005--A Warrior Made.

---------------------------------
  Yahoo! FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Thanks for the suggestions.  I've not read a whole lot of sci-fi but I'd really
like to get more into that genre.  It can be so overwhelming to go to the sci-fi
section at the book store.  There are so many books that I have no idea what to
pick up.  Thanks for your suggestions.

   Stacey

Matt <gauvaine@...> wrote:
   Stacy,
   You won't be disappointed with Tad Williams if you love dragons,
wizards, and magic. Just written in a very literary, adult style
that i found refreshing and sadly lacking these days in most things.
The Dragonbone Chair has to be one of my top 3 books, in any genre.
I think Yvette would second that.

As for science fiction, i don't read a ton of it. I tend to pick and
choose carefully when i venture there because there's alot of bad
scifi out there that is just boring to tears. I've read alot of
older stuff like Dune, the Riverworld books, Larry Niven, Fred
Saberhagen.

I would recommend a few recent books, but i'm no expert. You might
try:

Kiln People by David Brin
Deathstalker by Simon Green
Souls of the Great Machine by Sean McMullen


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Marc Vun Kannon <mvonkann2000@...> wrote:
   There  are some very different styles of sci-fi, some 'harder' than  others. 
My own interest is in the characters, not the accuracy of  the science, so I
prefer softer sf, like Bujold's Miles Vorkosigan  series.  There are several
StarTrek novels by Diane Carey that are  very good, although I've not sen
anything by her outside of the  series.  Right now I'm reading Pullman's Golden
Compass series, a  strange mix of fantasy and sf, similar to some of the stuff
that Dave  Duncan does.  I'm definantly on the softer side of it then.  I'm
getting ready to start The Golden Compass today.  I've always heard that it's a
really good book.

   Stacey




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I think either way you play it would work. It does well going both
ways.


--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Herod Antipas"
<antippas@h...> wrote:
>
>
> >
> > I think it's quite comical. It reads little like Groo the
> Wanderer,
> > for your Sergio Aragones fans out there. It does have a Robert
> Aprin
> > feel to it with some Terry Pratchett throw in.
>
>
> Those are all good influences, and as I saidm there is plenty of L
> Sprague de Camp as well
>
>
>  I would cut down on
> > some of the archaic language, though. It adds satire, up to a
> point.
> > Past that, it becomes distracting and annoying. Most editors
will
> > let you get away with a little bit for characterization's sake,
> but
> > will cringe at too much.
>
> It does tone down as the story progresses.  I guess it was hard to
> keep it up!
>
>
>
> >
> > Are you purposely being satirish or do you want a heroic fantasy
> > type story that has humor to it? There's a difference.
>
> I guess I would say that it has respect for heroic fantasy.  It's
> really more of a humorous heroic fantasy than a satire.  I'm not
> really making fun of the genre, just using it for a humorous story
>

I think you will like Kiln People. It was a fun read and
interesting. You might also try Kevin J. Anderson's Seven Sun's
saga, which begins with Hidden Empire, Singularity Sky by Charles
Stross, Chindi by Jack MdDevitt, the Changeling Plague by Syne
Mitchell. Those are just the one's i've read recently.


--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, Stacey
<molleysmommy@y...> wrote:
>
> Thanks for the suggestions.  I've not read a whole lot of sci-fi
but I'd really like to get more into that genre.  It can be so
overwhelming to go to the sci-fi section at the book store.  There
are so many books that I have no idea what to pick up.  Thanks for
your suggestions.
>
>   Stacey
>
> Matt <gauvaine@y...> wrote:
>   Stacy,
>   You won't be disappointed with Tad Williams if you love dragons,
> wizards, and magic. Just written in a very literary, adult style
> that i found refreshing and sadly lacking these days in most
things.
> The Dragonbone Chair has to be one of my top 3 books, in any
genre.
> I think Yvette would second that.
>
> As for science fiction, i don't read a ton of it. I tend to pick
and
> choose carefully when i venture there because there's alot of bad
> scifi out there that is just boring to tears. I've read alot of
> older stuff like Dune, the Riverworld books, Larry Niven, Fred
> Saberhagen.
>
> I would recommend a few recent books, but i'm no expert. You might
> try:
>
> Kiln People by David Brin
> Deathstalker by Simon Green
> Souls of the Great Machine by Sean McMullen
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Me--I also like Bujold, but I'm also a big fan of Elizabeth Moon and David
Weber.
   ----- Original Message -----
   From: Stacey
   To: fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Friday, November 18, 2005 9:09 AM
   Subject: Re: [Fantasy Fiction Dungeon] Re: greetings


   Marc Vun Kannon <mvonkann2000@...> wrote:
     There  are some very different styles of sci-fi, some 'harder' than  others.
My own interest is in the characters, not the accuracy of  the science, so I
prefer softer sf, like Bujold's Miles Vorkosigan  series.  There are several
StarTrek novels by Diane Carey that are  very good, although I've not sen
anything by her outside of the  series.  Right now I'm reading Pullman's Golden
Compass series, a  strange mix of fantasy and sf, similar to some of the stuff
that Dave  Duncan does.  I'm definantly on the softer side of it then.  I'm
getting ready to start The Golden Compass today.  I've always heard that it's a
really good book.

     Stacey




   [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I'm about halfway through the second book, The  Subtle Knife.  It's good, but a
bit darker than the first book and  more complex.
      And I hope you'll take the time to look over my own book.  The sequel comes
out in a few weeks.

Stacey <molleysmommy@...> wrote:          Marc Vun Kannon
<mvonkann2000@...> wrote:
    There  are some very different styles of sci-fi, some 'harder'  than  others.
My own interest is in the characters, not the  accuracy of  the science, so I
prefer softer sf, like Bujold's  Miles Vorkosigan  series.  There are several
StarTrek novels  by Diane Carey that are  very good, although I've not sen
anything  by her outside of the  series.  Right now I'm reading  Pullman's
Golden Compass series, a  strange mix of fantasy and sf,  similar to some of the
stuff that Dave  Duncan does.  I'm  definantly on the softer side of it then. 
I'm getting ready to  start The Golden Compass today.  I've always heard that
it's a  really good book.

     Stacey




   [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



           SPONSORED LINKS
                                                         Fantasy science fiction
magazine                                          Fantasy science fiction
Science fiction movies
Fantasy game                                          Writing science fiction
Science fiction

---------------------------------
     YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS


     Visit your group "fantasyfictiondungeon" on the web.

     To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
  fantasyfictiondungeon-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

     Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.


---------------------------------






Marc Vun Kannon

http://www.marcvunkannon.com

Unbinding the Stone--Making lemonade from fantasy lemons
Coming in October, 2005--A Warrior Made.

---------------------------------
  Yahoo! FareChase - Search multiple travel sites in one click.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

I discovered Moon with Once a Hero, and it's still my favorite book in
the Familias Regnant series.  Even better is her new series about the
trading family(Trading in Danger, Letters of Marque), the name of
which escapes me.  Paksennarion was also very good.  Weber is okay,
but his early Harrington books are better than his later ones, mainly
because of his inability to do good characterization.  I liked the
Dahak trilogy best, especially Heirs of Empire.

--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Saje" <soulsaje@c...>
wrote:
>
> Me--I also like Bujold, but I'm also a big fan of Elizabeth Moon and
David Weber.
>   ----- Original Message -----
>   From: Stacey
>   To: fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com
>   Sent: Friday, November 18, 2005 9:09 AM
>   Subject: Re: [Fantasy Fiction Dungeon] Re: greetings
>

I enjoy the Harrington books quite a bit, but some of his others are
better...Like the "Apocalypse Troll" for example.  I don't think he's that bad
at characterization, personally.
   ----- Original Message -----
   From: mvonkann2000
   To: fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com
   Sent: Friday, November 18, 2005 5:09 PM
   Subject: [Fantasy Fiction Dungeon] Re: greetings


   I discovered Moon with Once a Hero, and it's still my favorite book in
   the Familias Regnant series.  Even better is her new series about the
   trading family(Trading in Danger, Letters of Marque), the name of
   which escapes me.  Paksennarion was also very good.  Weber is okay,
   but his early Harrington books are better than his later ones, mainly
   because of his inability to do good characterization.  I liked the
   Dahak trilogy best, especially Heirs of Empire.

   --- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Saje" <soulsaje@c...>
   wrote:
   >
   > Me--I also like Bujold, but I'm also a big fan of Elizabeth Moon and
   David Weber.
   >   ----- Original Message -----
   >   From: Stacey
   >   To: fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com
   >   Sent: Friday, November 18, 2005 9:09 AM
   >   Subject: Re: [Fantasy Fiction Dungeon] Re: greetings
   >






   SPONSORED LINKS Fantasy science fiction magazine  Fantasy science fiction 
Science fiction movies
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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     a..  Visit your group "fantasyfictiondungeon" on the web.

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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Hope you like it.  As you can see, I sometimes let Gwig's internal
musings advance the story by having him mull over and figure out
things.  They don't seem to be off to a terribly auspicious start,
do they?



Chapter 3

By Herod Antipas 2005

	 The  princess and the barbarian regarded each other silently
as the horses jogged along the wide road.  Gwig thought he had
everything figured out at this point.  Jucunda's parents were not
ashamed of her, and there had obviously been real love there, but
they worried about finding a suitable husband for her.  That was why
they had chosen someone from another culture far away.  Probably
they had referred to her as "pleasingly plump" or "voluptuous."  And
this was also the reason for the secrecy.  If the sultan received
advance notice of just how large his betrothed happened to be, he
might call of the wedding before she could reach Ghaspar.  He began
to feel sorry for Jucunda, but at least she seemed not to suffer
from the lack of confidence which plagued big girls in these parts,
as if by looking down at their feet and speaking seldom, and that in
a low tone, they might escape notice.  In fact, the princess seemed
quite spirited, although not at this exact moment.

	 She was being jostled excessively by the road, which had the
effect of making her rolls of flab move like a wave of the ocean
from her substantial rump all the way up to her soft freckled
shoulders, made visible by the low cut gown.  Though trying to
maintain a royal posture, the girl looked more and more
uncomfortable.  Buttercup was not really intended for riding and did
not have a smooth trot, especially when ridden side-saddle.  Jucunda
fumbled in the saddle bag and pulled out a small carrot, which she
bit into and chewed miserably.

	 "How much longer until we reach the inn, Barbarian?  This
bouncing around is already turning my stomach and is making me sore
in an un-princesslike place!"

	 "Your highness, it has been only an hour or so since we left
the palace.  The inn at Sfax lies another half-day's ride away."

	 "I shall never make it!" she wailed.  She spat out a
mouthful of the hated carrot and threw the remainder into the bushes
by the side of the road.  "It is too hot and this is ever so
boring!  Do you never talk?  Furthermore, I am hungry and my mother
the queen has packed me a saddle bag full of this accursed rabbit
food!"  As the horses came to a  stop, she folded her arms and
glowered at him.  "Well, "Sir" Gwig, you are charged with seeing to
my safety and comfort.  What art thou going to do about the
latter?"  Gwig thought for a moment, then dismounted, approached
her, and said calmly,

	 "Primus: while I prefer my given name to the hail
of "Barbarian," you may drop my knightly title, as we both
know `twas an artifice of your father's.  Secundus: riding side-
saddle is fine for parades, but a person cannot make such a long
journey else she sit astride her horse properly.  Here, if I may be
so bold as to instruct you."  She beckoned him closer, bemused.  He
walked around Buttercup from the front to the side where her broad
posterior hung over the side of the saddle.  "If you will but swing
your right leg over to this side and tuck the hem of your gown under
a few inches, no a little higher, there."  She was now somewhat
unsteadily astride the horse with her dress daringly high, exposing
a glimpse of dimpled knee.  "Now you will be less sore and cooler at
the same time.  Tertius:" he said, reaching intro the small backpack
he wore and handing her three sweet rolls from breakfast "I once had
a lady friend of your, er, persuasion, and got in the habit of
saving tidbits."  Jucunda wolfed the first roll down in one bite,
rolling her green eyes with pleasure, then, remembering herself and
blushing a little, took ladylike bites of the second and third.
When she had finished she said slyly

	 "You surprise me, Gwig.  Perhaps I have made a
misjudgement.  I regret if we have gotten off "on the wrong foot."

	 The good will lasted only a short time.  After riding in
relative comfort for another hour, during which he had begun to tell
her something of his adventures in various wars and of the lands on
the other side of the mountains, the princess had to answer a call
of nature.    She dismounted easily enough and disappeared into the
forest by the side of the road.  He could hear her crashing about in
the brambles.

	 "Princess, there is no need to go so far into the woods.  We
have not seen a soul all morning and I promise I shall avert mine
eyes."

	 "Nonsense.  Who knows what lechers may (ow my head!) come
along at any, (yikes a snake!) moment, and catch me (damned thorns!)
indisposed."  Her voice became fainter in the distance and she was
gone a long time, which gave Gwig opportunity to see to his own
relief and to check the tack of the horses.  Finally she came back,
her dress disheveled, and leaves in her pretty hair.  "I don't see
why of all the spots, you had to choose one so full of briars and
snakes!"  He opened his mouth to protest, then shut it again.

	 It soon became apparent that there was a more pressing
problem.  Without the staircase on wheels, Gwig had no idea how he
was going to get Jucunda back on her horse.  It was not a question
of her weight alone, but also her lack of experience in
horsemanship, and Buttercup's great height.  He would have preferred
the princess to ride a sturdy mule, but the king would hear nothing
of it.  With much coaxing, she managed to get a toe into the left
stirrup and to hoist herself off the ground.

	 "Now swing your right leg over the saddle while holding onto
the pommel," he urged.  With a little grunt, she extended her right
foot to the top of the saddle and got no further, ending up hanging
off Buttercup's left side, her left foot stuck in the stirrup and
her right foot wedged on top of the saddle, holding onto the pommel
for dear life with both hands.  Gwig surveyed the situation.

	 "Don't just stand there, blockhead!" she snarled, "Do
something or I shall fall!"  Unsure of what to do, he walked around
Buttercup one way and then the other.  He tried to seize her hand
and pull her upright, but did not have the reach for it.  As he
walked back to the left side, Jucunda lost her bluster and began to
whimper.  There was nothing for it.  His royal charge was about drop
five feet into the dust unless he took decisive action.  Her
prodigious backside was suspended directly over his head.  With a
gulp, he placed a palm on each pillowy cheek and gave her a good
hard shove.  The princess landed bolt upright in the saddle with a
shocked expression and began to hiccup.  He mounted the roan and the
rode in silence for a few minutes.  Finally she was composed enough
to speak.

	 "At home, hic!, you would have been prisoned and
horsewhipped, hic! for such an indecency."

	 "But I was only.."

	 "My person is, hic!, sacred."

	 "But you were about to…"

	 "Why for a common outlander to, hic!, lay not one but both
hands upon my..my.."

	 "Arse?" Gwig supplied helpfully.  Jucunda shrieked and
covered her ears with both hands.

	 "Varlet!, Scurvy knave!, Thou whoreson!"  It was too much
for Gwig, who exploded.

	 "You leave my mother out of this!  I wouldn't have needed to
touch your royal hiney if your father had taught you to sit a horse
properly!  I shall not be able to endure three weeks of this tongue-
lashing, and we shall be a long time to Ghaspar indeed if we needs
must have half and hour's argument every time you get off your
horse!"  Jucunda closed her mouth and stared at him wide-eyed.  She
appeared to be coming to a decision.

	 "Very well," she said, composing herself quickly, "we royals
are taught to simply ignore certain vulgarities.   You shall teach
me "proper" horsemanship, that I may be a more accomplished
sultaness at the end of our journey.  Should it prove necessary for
you to touch me again…there…for the sole purpose of mount, er,
getting on my horse, then I shall pretend it never happened."

OCD...that is a nurse in true definition...and I too have to
complete most series, even if I do not love it. The big exception:
JORDAN  I will not read Jordan ever again.


--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, froglette79
<no_reply@y...> wrote:
>
> I enjoyed the entire series except for the last book. He tends to
be a
> little long winded and a little too graphic at times, but the
story is
> intensly interesting. In fact I've reread the series several times
> (Even the last book. This is a prime example of my OCD shining
> through. It is impossible for me to start a series and not read
every
> book in that series available to me, even if it's not a great
book! A
> curse I tell you! A Curse!).
> >
> > I picked up Wizards First Rule.....I've put it off, remembered
> > multiple debates on this site, and have had a hankering for
> something
> > new.  I'll let you know what I think....
> >
>

Stacey, I do think tad is one of the best as Matt has told you Which
book have you picked up? As for sci-fi books to read, dune is a
classic.  I actually enjoyed Anne McCaffrey's Crystal singer series
but I was a bit younger when I read those. Dan Simmons: Hyperion is
supposed to be good..


--- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, "Matt" <gauvaine@y...>
wrote:
>
> Stacy,
>   You won't be disappointed with Tad Williams if you love dragons,
> wizards, and magic. Just written in a very literary, adult style
> that i found refreshing and sadly lacking these days in most
things.
> The Dragonbone Chair has to be one of my top 3 books, in any
genre.
> I think Yvette would second that.
>
> As for science fiction, i don't read a ton of it. I tend to pick
and
> choose carefully when i venture there because there's alot of bad
> scifi out there that is just boring to tears. I've read alot of
> older stuff like Dune, the Riverworld books, Larry Niven, Fred
> Saberhagen.
>
> I would recommend a few recent books, but i'm no expert. You might
> try:
>
> Kiln People by David Brin
> Deathstalker by Simon Green
> Souls of the Great Machine by Sean McMullen
>
>
>
> --- In fantasyfictiondungeon@yahoogroups.com, Stacey
> <molleysmommy@y...> wrote:
> >
> > Just wanted to say hi since I just joined.  I've always liked
> science fiction but haven't spent a lot of time reading that
genre.
> I'm really wanting to start reading more of it though but not sure
> where to start.  So I was hoping to get some ideas and suggestions
> from the group.  I tend to like things with dragons, wizards and
> magic.  I love "epics".  I just picked up a Tad Williams book but
> I'm trying to finish Eldest and another book before I start it.
> Looking forward to chatting.
> >
> >   Stacey
> >
> >
> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> >
>

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