Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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The Benefits of Using the Body Cream Candle.
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We only use ingredients that are derived from nature
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/candle.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Feb 6, 2007              Volume 86, Issue 731


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Too Many Jews There"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Having experienced it on my own skin, I hate
discrimination of any kind.

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"Too Many Jews There"

Sadie, an elderly lady, is sitting in a restaurant in Brent
Cross  Shopping Center sipping her tea. Next to her,
three nuns were discussing where to go on holiday.

The 2nd nun says to Mother Superior, "Let's go to Jerusalem."

"No," says Mother Superior, "there are too many Jews there."

The 3rd nun says to Mother Superior, "Let's go to Philadelphia."

"No," says Mother Superior again, "also too many Jews there."

The 2nd nun again speaks and says, "Let's go to Paris."

Yet again Mother Superior replies, "No, too many Jews
there too."

Sadie had heard enough.She leans over and says to
   them, in a thick, loud Yiddish accent, "Vell, vhy don't
you go to Hell, dere are no Jews dere!!!!"

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* Heavy, 100 lb. (265 gsm) card stock
* Four-color (CMYK) printing process
* Fast and easy online ordering
* A satisfaction guarantee!

Follow the link below to view our business
card designs and place your order:

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cards.htm

VistaPrint provides the highest quality, full-color
design and printing at the lowest prices --
guaranteed!  VistaPrint is a Top 20 e-commerce
retailer, serving more than 7,000,000 customers
worldwide.

I've used VistaPrint (the blue/purple design) and
I'm very happy with the results - LadyHawke
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cards.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cards.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

WIN an ENTIRE YEAR of PREPARED MEALS for
FREE* from the diet program of your choice!
Nutrisystem, Zone Diet At Home, Ediet - Fresh
Cuisine. Start shedding those pounds now -
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/wl.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/wl.htm


Ever wish you could get a cool ipod video in
hot pink instead of boring black or white?
You can and it won't cost you a thing.  Respond
today to be sure you get one before they are out.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/pinkipod.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/pinkipod.htm


Which brand do you prefer? Hersheys¨ or
Starburst¨. Vote now & receive a chance
to win $1,500 cash for your opinion!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cand.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cand.htm


Win One of the Most Amazing Vacuum's Ever!
The Ball by Dyson... It twists and turns on a
dime and it doesn't lose suction... ever.
Complete a short survey and you'll be entered.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/vac.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/vac.htm


Permanently Remove Unwanted Hair -
Pain Free!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/epen.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/epen.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"It is true we have won all our wars, but we have
paid for them. We don't want victories anymore."
-- Golda Meir

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
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Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.chocolatiermanonusa.com/Valentines.htm

A Very Special Valentines Gift
	 for your chocolate loving Valentine.

Send the "tour de force" of  Belgian Chocolate.
Chocolates from the Chocolatier Manon of Belgium.

These chocolates are renowned throughout the world.
	 {LadyHawke-recommended...}
	 We ship throughout the US.
Visit us at
<a href=" http://www.chocolatiermanonusa.com/Valentines.htm">AOL link</a>
http://www.chocolatiermanonusa.com/Valentines.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Feb 6, 2007              Volume 86, Issue 731


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Too Many Jews There"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Having experienced it on my own skin, I hate
discrimination of any kind.

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"Too Many Jews There"

Sadie, an elderly lady, is sitting in a restaurant in Brent
Cross  Shopping Center sipping her tea. Next to her,
three nuns were discussing where to go on holiday.

The 2nd nun says to Mother Superior, "Let's go to Jerusalem."

"No," says Mother Superior, "there are too many Jews there."

The 3rd nun says to Mother Superior, "Let's go to Philadelphia."

"No," says Mother Superior again, "also too many Jews there."

The 2nd nun again speaks and says, "Let's go to Paris."

Yet again Mother Superior replies, "No, too many Jews
there too."

Sadie had heard enough.She leans over and says to
   them, in a thick, loud Yiddish accent, "Vell, vhy don't
you go to Hell, dere are no Jews dere!!!!"

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cards.htm

Boost your business image and do it for free!
Order professional quality business cards for
free with this special promotional offer from
VistaPrint, the world's leading online printer.

Here's what you get:
* 250 full color business cards
* Heavy, 100 lb. (265 gsm) card stock
* Four-color (CMYK) printing process
* Fast and easy online ordering
* A satisfaction guarantee!

Follow the link below to view our business
card designs and place your order:

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cards.htm

VistaPrint provides the highest quality, full-color
design and printing at the lowest prices --
guaranteed!  VistaPrint is a Top 20 e-commerce
retailer, serving more than 7,000,000 customers
worldwide.

I've used VistaPrint (the blue/purple design) and
I'm very happy with the results - LadyHawke
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cards.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cards.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

WIN an ENTIRE YEAR of PREPARED MEALS for
FREE* from the diet program of your choice!
Nutrisystem, Zone Diet At Home, Ediet - Fresh
Cuisine. Start shedding those pounds now -
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/wl.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/wl.htm


Ever wish you could get a cool ipod video in
hot pink instead of boring black or white?
You can and it won't cost you a thing.  Respond
today to be sure you get one before they are out.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/pinkipod.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/pinkipod.htm


Which brand do you prefer? Hersheys¨ or
Starburst¨. Vote now & receive a chance
to win $1,500 cash for your opinion!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cand.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cand.htm


Win One of the Most Amazing Vacuum's Ever!
The Ball by Dyson... It twists and turns on a
dime and it doesn't lose suction... ever.
Complete a short survey and you'll be entered.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/vac.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/vac.htm


Permanently Remove Unwanted Hair -
Pain Free!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/epen.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/epen.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"It is true we have won all our wars, but we have
paid for them. We don't want victories anymore."
-- Golda Meir

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
http://www.jokedujour.com/subscribe.htm

For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
mailto:Administrator@...?Subject=Ad_Rates_JJdJ

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JJdJ/messages

SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Websites:
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http://www.ladyhawk.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
this mailing list, in accordance with the 2005
Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.chocolatiermanonusa.com/Valentines.htm

A Very Special Valentines Gift
	 for your chocolate loving Valentine.

Send the "tour de force" of  Belgian Chocolate.
Chocolates from the Chocolatier Manon of Belgium.

These chocolates are renowned throughout the world.
	 {LadyHawke-recommended...}
	 We ship throughout the US.
Visit us at
<a href=" http://www.chocolatiermanonusa.com/Valentines.htm">AOL link</a>
http://www.chocolatiermanonusa.com/Valentines.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Feb 8, 2007              Volume 86, Issue 732


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "What Is Your Name?"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Stories I can tell you about that place....

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"What Is Your Name?"

Yehudah Tzvi Windweher arrived at Ellis Island and
asked his friend, "What would be a good American
name for me? I want it to be Jewish, but more American."

His friend replied, "Sam Cohen, that's a good American
Jewish name."

Yehudah Tzvi began his long walk up a massive flight
of steps leading to the immigration office. With each step
he said, "Sam Cohen, Sam Cohen", in an earnest effort
to learn his new name.

When he finished carrying his luggage to the top of the
flight, he was winded and tired. A large immigration officer
caugh Yehuda Tzvi off guard when he said "NAME?" in
a booming voice.

A flustered Yehudah Tzvi replied "shoyn fargesin"
("I already forgot" in Yiddish).

The immigration officer replied, "Sean Ferguson,
welcome the United States of America!"

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The 2007 Entertainment Book is still available!

Order Today and Get a Free $25 Restaurant Certificate!

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	 Make a new best friend.

With the 2007 Entertainment® book, you will get up
to 50% off savings at all the places you love going

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- Clothing stores  - And so much more!

And, the 2007 Book coupons are valid immediately.
Fun and great savings combined!

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2007 Book is now available - and only through this email.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ent2007.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Get three classic board games FREE*!
Choose from all-time favorites such as Risk(r),
Clue(r), Monopoly(r) and Trivial Pursuit(r)!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/game.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/game.htm


Currently there's a lot of buzz about a retired
Doctor that is teaching regular people to take
advantage of Online Stock Investing.
I recommend you check out his "prescription" for
what ails your bank account. Visit the Doctor now.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cooper.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cooper.htm


Reward yourself with FREE* $500
American Express(R) Gift Card.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/amex500.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/amex500.htm


Take a few surveys and a free* Tiffany® 1837™
silver cushion bangle bracelet can be yours.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/tiffany.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/tiffany.htm


Get a FREE* Sex and the City(TM) or
Friends(TM) DVD Box Set!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/DVDbox.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/DVDbox.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"A wise man hears one word and understands two."
Yiddish Proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
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For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
mailto:Administrator@...?Subject=Ad_Rates_JJdJ

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SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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http://www.ladyhawk.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
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Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/greene.htm

	 As Seen on Oprah!

	 Join the Best Life Diet!
Let Oprah's trainer shape you up.
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Can the Best Life Diet work for you?

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helped Oprah trusts! Personalized Diet profile.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Feb 13, 2007              Volume 86, Issue 733


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Tailored Suit"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Say, what?

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"Tailored Suit"

Gerry walks into Saul's tailors and asks how much
are his made to measure suits.

'$200 dollars' answers Saul.

'OK' says Gerry 'but I don't need the buttons so get
rid of them, and you can leave out the pockets too,
oh and while you are at it I don't want any lining either.

Forget about the pockets in the pants too and leave
out the zipper I can use a pin. No need for any belt
loops or suspender buttons and you might as well
leave out the hook and eye. Now how much will it be?'

Saul thoughtfor a while then answered '$400 dollars'.

'My Life! says Gerry, 'that's twice as much as before'.

'I know' says Saul ' But all those alterations...'

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/renu1.htm

Renu With Moistureloc Linked To Fusarium Keratitis

Before Bausch & Lomb announced it was suspending
sales, the FDA warned of increasing numbers of the
fungal infections in those who wear contact lenses.
There were 109 cases of Fusarium keratitis under
investigation by public health authorities.  CDC's
investigation of 30 cases of the infections revealed
that a significant portion used ReNu.

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FUNGAL KERATITIS is a serious eye infection that
can develop through the whole depth of the cornea.
Symptoms of fungal keratitis include eye pain, eye
discomfort, decrease in vision and light hypersensitivity.

If you, a family member, or friend has suffered Fusarium
Keratitis while using ReNu, there is a chance you qualify
for monetary compensation from the manufacturer. Don't
hesitate to seek justice for the damages you or your
loved ones have suffered!

CONTACT AN ATTORNEY TO DISCUSS YOUR CLAIM
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/renu1.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Claim a $ 500 Toy R Us or
KB Toys Gift Card
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/toy.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/toy.htm


Do Not Pay For Hoodia!  Get It here for Free*!
Scientists Discover Safe New Weight Loss
Breakthrough That Actually Works!!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/perma.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/perma.htm


Kim B. made $500.00 the first time she tried selling
on EBAY!  Our Kit is FREE for a limited time,
get it now!  Follow this link:
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/succeed.htm


The Cheesecake Factory Complimentary
$50 Gift Card - Get Yours Today.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/cheese.htm


Have smoking bans effected your area?
Cast your Vote and get A $500 Visa gift card.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/smoke.htm


Would you like a $500 Amusement Park Pack
by participating in a special promotion?
Disneyland - Bush Gardens - Six Flags -  Sea World
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Need a Style Boost? Get a FREE*
$250 JCPenney(R) Gift Card!
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/jcp.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"I have given instructions that I be informed every
time one of our soldiers is killed, even if it is in the
middle of the night. When President Nasser leaves
instructions that he is to be awakened in the middle
of the night if an Egyptian soldier is killed, there will
be peace."
-- Golda Meir

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
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SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
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Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/enchance.htm

Get Hollywood's favorite Lip Plumper!

Enhance your Lips! Ali Landry has already discovered
our wondrous Lip Plumper! For a limited time get your
own lip formulas FREE shipping and handling!!

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*Increases collagen production by up to 350%!

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Feb 15, 2007              Volume 86, Issue 734


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Sleepless Night"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It's no wonder, I can't sleep....

LadyHawke
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"Sleepless Night"

David can't get to sleep and is tossing and turning in
his bed all night, turning this way, turnng that way
and keeping his wife Elizabeth awake.  Finally she
has enough!

"David! What's wrong? Why can't you sleep?"
"Oh, Elizabeth,' says David. It's business."

"What business?" asks Elizabeth.
"I borrowed a million dollars from Samuel next door."

"So?" asks Elizabeth.
"Well, I'm due to pay it back tomorrow."

"So?" asks Elizabeth.
"Well, I haven't got the money."

"Right," says Elizabeth. And she gets up, goes to the
window, throws it open and shouts: "Samuel, Samuel,
wake up!"

Samuel comes to his window.
"What's wrong, Elizabeth? Why are you making all
his noise?"

"My David tells me he owes you a million dollars."
"Yes, that's right," says Samuel.

"And it's due back tomorrow."
"Yes, that's right," says Samuel.

"Well, he hasn't got the money and can't pay!" says
Elizabeth and slams the window shut again.

David is beside himself. "O vey, o vey, why did you
tell him that?" he asks.

Replies Elizabeth: "And you should be the only one
to have a sleepless night?"

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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Free on us.  Visit online stores and rate
your experience. You shop. You rate. We pay!!
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"A man is not honest simply because he never
had a chance to steal."
-- Yiddish Proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
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distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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Feb 20, 2007              Volume 86, Issue 735


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Martian Bar Mitzvah"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I think I've been to one of those...

LadyHawke
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"Martian Bar Mitzvah"

The Jewish astronaut just returned from Mars and
was asked all about his journey. He mentioned that
while he was there, among other things, he was
actually invited to a Martian Bar Mitzvah.

An intrigued reporter jumped right in: "Please, tell us
all about it. Was it nice? Was it fun? How was the food?"

The astronaut replied that it was just "OK".

"What do you mean?", snapped the newsman. "Was
it the food?"

"No", said the astronaut, "the food was fine."

"Were the people not nice?" countered the reporter.

"No, the people were very friendly".

"Well, then, what was it?" asked the reporter. "Why was
the Martian Bar Mitzvah only OK?"

The astronaut looked at him and replied,
"No atmosphere."

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"I don't believe in mathematics."
-- Albert Einstein

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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Feb 22, 2007              Volume 86, Issue 736


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Heavenly Intervention"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Faith is faith...  Having good glasses, on
the other hand...

LadyHawke
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"Heavenly Intervention"

Mrs. Friedman, the third grade Hebrew teacher,
needed some supplies from a supply cabinet
that was seldom used and was secured with
a lock. She didn't know the combination, and
called Rabbi Weinstein to give it a try.

Rabbi Weinstein placed his fingers on the lock's
dial and raised his eyes heavenward for a moment.
Then he confidently spun the dial and opened the
lock.

Seeing how impressed Mrs. Friedman was with
this demonstration of faith, he smiled and confided,

"The numbers are written on the ceiling."


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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-- Guaranteed Approval!
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No credit checks or interest fees.
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BABIES R US - Get Yours Now.
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diapers, formulas & much more!
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Gift Card by participating in a special promotion?
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"Pessimism is a luxury that a Jew can never allow
himself. "
-- Golda Meir

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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Feb 27, 2007              Volume 86, Issue 737


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Car Sale In Russia"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The worst part of this joke.... it's not a joke. It's a
reality for that part of the world. I heard this joke
when I lived over there.  And it wasn't funny!
It was a slightly (!) exaggerated reality...

LadyHawke
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"Car Sale In Russia"

Morris, a Russian man, saved his rubles for twenty
years to buy a car. After choosing the model and
options he wants, he's not the least bit surprised or
even concerned to learn that it will take two years for
the new car to be delivered. He thanks the salesman
and starts to leave, but as he reaches the door he
pauses and turns back to the salesman, "Do you
know which week two years from now the new car
will arrive?" he asks.

The salesman checks his notes and tells the Morris
that it will be two years to the exact week. The man
thanks the salesman and starts out again, but upon
reaching the door, he turns back  again.

"Could you possibly tell me what day of the week two
years from now the car will arrive?"

The salesman, mildly annoyed, checks his notes again
and says that it will be exactly two years from this week,
on Thursday.

Morris thanks the salesman and once again starts to
leave.  Halfway through the door, he hesitates, turns
back, and walks up to the salesman.

"I'm sorry to be so much trouble, but do you know if
that will be two years from now on Thursday in the
morning, or in the afternoon?"

Visibly irritated, the salesman flips through his papers
yet another time and says sharply that it will be in the
after-noon, two years from now on Thursday.

"That's a relief!" says Morris. "The plumber is coming
that morning."


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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The world's best vacuum.  Period.
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and fun? Spend  less time cleaning and
more time with the family.
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Crafter's Choice books selections offer ideas,
inspiration and practical instructions whether
you are trying out new crafts or reaching new
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house."
-- Yiddish proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

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Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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Choice Judaica is a carefully selected line
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Mar 1, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 738


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Helping a Friend"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A deal is a deal...

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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"Helping a Friend"

A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting
to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi
friend from across the street and asked him to cover for
him.

The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the
priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him
for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes,
and he and the priest are in the confessional.

In a few minutes, a woman comes in and says, "Father,
forgive me for I have sinned."

The priest asks, "What did you do? "

The woman says, "I committed adultery."

Priest: "How many times ? "

Woman: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go
and sin no more."

A few minutes later, a man enters the confessional.
He says, "Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

Priest: "What did you do ? "

Man: "I committed adultery."

Priest : "How many times ? "

Man: "Three times."

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box, and go
and sin no more."

The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it, so
the priest leaves.

A few minutes later, another woman enters and says,
"Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

Rabbi: "What did you do ? "

Woman: "I committed adultery."

Rabbi: "How many times ? "

Woman: "Once."

Rabbi: "Go do it two more times. We have a special this
week: Three for $5!"


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Links du Jour

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance
you must keep moving."
-- Albert Einstein

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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Mar 6, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 739


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Astronaut And a Match"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Was the universal translator broken or something?

LadyHawke
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"Astronaut And a Match"

Two astronauts land on Mars.  Their mission: to
check whether there is oxygen on the planet.

"Give me the box of matches" says one. "Either it
burns and there is oxygen, or nothing happens."

He takes the box, and is ready to strike a match
when out of the blue, a Martian appears waving
all his arms..."No, no, don't!"

The two guys look at each other, worried.  Could
there be an unknown explosive gas on Mars? But
he takes another match....

And now, a crowd of hysterical Martians is coming,
all waving their arms: "No, no, don't do that!"

"It looks serious. What are they afraid of? But - we're
here for Science, to know if man can breathe on Mars."

He strikes a match, which flames up, burns down,
and..... nothing happens.

"Why did you want to prevent us from striking a
match?"

The leader of the Martians says,

"Today is Shabbos!"

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Links du Jour

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"I don't want to become immortal through my work.
I want to become immortal through not dying."
-- Woody Allen

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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Mar 8, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 740


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Children of Israel"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

What if I don't want to be a child anymore but don't want
to be an adult either?  What are my choices?

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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"The Children of Israel"

One afternoon at Mt. Zion Hebrew School, Chaim Goldberg,
the new instructor, finished the day's lesson. It was now
time for the usual question and answer period.

"Mr. Goldberg," announced little Joel, "there's something
I can't figure out."

"What's that Joel?" asked Goldberg, with a kindly smile.

"Well according to the Scriptures, the Children of Israel
crossed the Red Sea. Right?"

"Right."

"And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?"

"Of course right."

"And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?"

"Again, you're right, Joel... Where is this going?"

"And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the
Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children
of Israel were always doing somethin' important. Right?"

"All that is right, too," agreed Goldberg. "So, what's your
question already?"

"Well, what I really wanna know is this," demanded Joel.
"While the children were doing all these wonderful things,
where were all the grown-ups?"


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Links du Jour

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut
when he is right."
-- Yiddish Proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

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Mar 13, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 741


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "An Israeli Rhetoric"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I love this little piece of history...

LadyHawke
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"An Israeli Rhetoric"

A few years ago, at the emergency meeting of the UN,
regarding yet another conflict in the Middle East, the
floor has been given to the Israeli Consul.

The Israeli Consul began, "Ladies and gentlemen,
before I commence with my speech, I wanted to relay
an old story to all of you...

When Moses was leading the Jews out of Egypt, he
had to go through deserts, and prairies, and even
more deserts... The people became thirsty and needed
water. So, Moses struck the side of a mountain with
his cane and at the sight of that mountain a pond
appeared with crystal clean, cool water. And the people
rejoiced and drank to their hearts' content.

Moses wished to cleanse his whole body, so he went
over to the other side of the pond, took all of his clothes
off and dove into the cool waters of the pond.

Only when Moses came out of the water he discovered
that all his clothes have been stolen... And I have
reasons to believe that the Palestinians stole his
clothes."

Yassir Arafat, hearing this accusation, jumps out of his
seat and screams, "This is a travesty. It is widely known
that there were no Palestinians there at the time!!!"

"And with that in mind", said the Israeli Consul, "let me
begin my speech..."


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"We have always said that in our war with the
Arabs we had a secret weapon - no alternative..."
-- Golda Meir

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

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Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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Mar 15, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 742


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Mezuzahs"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Don't they have enough Jews in California?

LadyHawke
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"Mezuzahs"

A wealthy Jewish man buys a fabulous home
in Beverly Hills, California. He brings in a local
workman to decorate the place.

When the job is finished, the homeowner is
delighted but realizes that he's forgotten to put
mezuzahs on the doors.

He goes out and buys 50 mezuzahs and asks the
decorator to place them on the right hand side of
each door except for the bathrooms.

He's really worried that the decorator will chip the
paint work or won't put them up correctly.

However, when he comes back a few hours later,
he sees that the job has been carried out to his
entire satisfaction. He's so pleased that he gives
the decorator a bonus.

As the decorator is walking out of the door he says,
"Glad you're happy with the job...Oh, by the way, I
took out the warranties in each one and left them
on the table for you!"


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"When you teach your son, you teach your son's son."
--The Talmud

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
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Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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Mar 20, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 743


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Rabbi's Waiting Room"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Talking about taking shortcuts...

LadyHawke
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"Rabbi's Waiting Room"

A Rabbi who was late for a golf game was rather
curt with several people whose phone calls kept
delaying him.

The next day his secretary said, "Rabbi, several
members of the congregation were really upset
with you when you cut them short yesterday."

At that point, a man who had been sitting within
earshot in the reception room got up and departed
hurriedly.

"Who was that?" asked the Rabbi.

"Oh, that was Mr. Ruthenberg." she answered. "He
wanted to speak to you about a circumcision for his
son."

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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participate for a Free* $100 Gift Card.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them."
-- Albert Einstein

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mar 22, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 744


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Jewish Mothers"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I hope to never become like that....

LadyHawke
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"Jewish Mothers"

Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a park bench
in Miami Beach talking about (what else?) how
much their sons love them.

Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging
in my living room?  My son, Arnold, bought that for me
for my 75th birthday.  What a good boy he is and how
much he loves his mother."

Minnie says,"You call that love?  You know the Eldorado
Cadillac I just got for Mother's Day?  That's from my son
Bernie.  What a doll."

Shirley says, "That's nothing.  You know my son Stanley?
He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst on Park Ave.  Five
session a week.  And what does he talk about?  Me!"


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Looking to accessorize with style and
sophistication? A designer purse is this
season’s must-have addition to your wardrobe.
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Fendi(R) purse. Choose your style here:
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Claim a $1000 Michael's Gift Card Today!
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Pretty, Pretty Kitty!  The Cat's Meow™ is daily
text messages to your cell phone with all sorts
of advice, tips, jokes and more for gals who
know the joy of kitty-cat affection.
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and get Jessica Simpson's CD In This
Skin(R) as a bonus.
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a  $100 Shopping Spree to Clairs!
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"If the rich could hire other people to die for them,
the Poor could make a wonderful living."
-- Yiddish Proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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Mar 27, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 745


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Tale Of:  How The Jews Invented Golf"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

For the golfer in you... Me?  I don't have one in me.
There is only a dancer in me...

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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"The Tale Of:  How The Jews Invented Golf"

  From way back it has long been thought that the game
of golf originated in Scotland in the 15th century. Recently
uncovered evidence indicates that this sport actually began
   in eastern Europe and for many years was enjoyed by the
Jews of the area. Stories passed down from generation to
generation told of Moses and Aaron and their famous Desert
Classic, which endured for 40 years. This great tradition was
re-born many years later in the fields and forests of eastern
Europe.

A shepherd, Velvel Gross, passed the time by hitting pebbles
with his shepherd's crook. The number of times he hit the
stones became known as Gross Score. He eventually decided
to lay out an actual course by utilizing adjacent farmers' properties.
The playing area consisted of 18 segments - the number chosen
to represent the Hebrew symbol Chai, meaning Life.


The game could then be played by Wednesday golfers as nine
holes (half-Chai), regular golfers as 18 holes (Chai), enthusiasts
and fitness-freaks as 27 holes (Chai-and-a-half), and with the wives
during mixed play (double-Chai). The putting surface was named
after Moishe Green, because the shortest grass was found on his
property.

The search for durable projectiles (which could sustain repeated
strikes with wooden sticks) led to the Rebbetzin's kitchen, where
her dimpled matzo balls were the clear-cut winners. They came
in 90 or 100 compression and were vigorously tested by a
mechanical arm called Iron Myron. Parva, or Par, meaning neither
here nor there, was the number of shots allocated to each hole.
Faivel the Sissy scored the first recorded Birdie, as onlookers
shouted, "Not bad for a Faygelah!" The Eagle was so named for
Adler the Shtarker, who scored the first amazing two-under-par!

Soon courses sprang up all over the land with such exotic names
as Knobble Beach , Grieven Valley , Seder Brook and the two
richest clubs: Chelm Ridge and Chai Ridge. This particular
group was known as The Haymishe Five. Membership in these
clubs provided many diverse activities. Tournaments such as
Blintzis and Schnapps and Beat the Tsar (which was a shotgun)
were organized.

A committee of men was responsible for the many rules and
regulations that all were required to observe. Men's and women's
facilities were strictly segregated according to Jewish law. A
dress code was rigidly enforced, in spite of the women's
insistence on the right to bare arms. Shortly   thereafter, the
top golfers in the land emerged and formed the PGA...Polish
Galitzianer Association.

And that, boys and girls, is the story of how the Jews invented
golf!

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Get The Complete Spanish Advantage.
	 Order today and receive a FREE
Merriam-Webster's Spanish-English Dictionary.
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Love your body. Embrace your Curves.
Shop for FREE*! Receive $500 in Gift Cards
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This newest addition to the Apple(R) iPod(R)
family turns your portable player into a home
entertainment center with the ability to dock
all iPod(R) models. Get it now.
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Get your FREE* sample of NEW, Garnier
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giving away Fig Newtons(R) at no cost.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour


"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
-- Albert Einstein

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
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Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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Mar 29, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 746


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Rowing Team's Secret"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...now we know!  Quick!  Get ready for the next
Olympics!

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"The Rowing Team's Secret"

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team.
Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though
they practice and practice for hours everyday, they
never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its
captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship
team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in
the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully
watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured
out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight
should row."

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Buy homes for half price.  Try a FREE Search
on Bargain.com to find a home
in your area and price range.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm


The Nokia 8801 will have everyone around
you talking about it and you. Get it now:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm


Get FREE daily horoscope and Unlimited
LIVE psychic Readings for 3 FULL DAYS.
PsychicRealm.com is your key to unlocking
your future.  The Universe Awaits your Arrival.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm


There’s only one way to play it cool—with
your new free* Ice Blue Motorola® RAZR™.
That’s right, we said free*.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm


Get $250 in FREE* in Home Depot® or
Lowe’s® Gift Cards.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent
with your mouth."
-- Yiddish proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
http://www.jokedujour.com/subscribe.htm

For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
mailto:Administrator@...?Subject=Ad_Rates_JJdJ

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JJdJ/messages

SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Websites:
http://www.jokedujour.com
http://www.ladyhawk.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
this mailing list, in accordance with the 2005
Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm

Over 1.2 million people earn an annual
income on eBay!

- FREE training and coaching can quickly
make you an eBay PowerSeller!

- With FREE online tools, you can earn a profit
in less than 10 minutes!

- An eBay income is easier now than
ever before!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mar 29, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 746


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Rowing Team's Secret"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...now we know!  Quick!  Get ready for the next
Olympics!

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"The Rowing Team's Secret"

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team.
Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though
they practice and practice for hours everyday, they
never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its
captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship
team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in
the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully
watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured
out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight
should row."

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm

	 "Clever Clasp"
		 Magnetic Jewelry Clasps

CLEVER CLASPS are magnetic jewelry clasps
that you can attach to any necklace or bracelet.
When you bring the two halves of the clasp
near each other, they click into place and lock.

You Get 4 Silver & 4 Gold Clever Clasps
·  Strong & Secure
·  No More Jewelry Hassles
·  Specifically Designed to Grip and Never Slip
·  Attaches to Any Necklace or Bracelet
·  Great for Anyone with Long Nails or Trouble Seeing

FREE BONUS - Two 3" Extender Chains

A $60 Value, ONLY $14.99 plus s&h

Order from the Official TV Website here:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Buy homes for half price.  Try a FREE Search
on Bargain.com to find a home
in your area and price range.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm


The Nokia 8801 will have everyone around
you talking about it and you. Get it now:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm


Get FREE daily horoscope and Unlimited
LIVE psychic Readings for 3 FULL DAYS.
PsychicRealm.com is your key to unlocking
your future.  The Universe Awaits your Arrival.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm


There’s only one way to play it cool—with
your new free* Ice Blue Motorola® RAZR™.
That’s right, we said free*.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm


Get $250 in FREE* in Home Depot® or
Lowe’s® Gift Cards.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent
with your mouth."
-- Yiddish proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
http://www.jokedujour.com/subscribe.htm

For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
mailto:Administrator@...?Subject=Ad_Rates_JJdJ

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JJdJ/messages

SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Websites:
http://www.jokedujour.com
http://www.ladyhawk.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
this mailing list, in accordance with the 2005
Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm

Over 1.2 million people earn an annual
income on eBay!

- FREE training and coaching can quickly
make you an eBay PowerSeller!

- With FREE online tools, you can earn a profit
in less than 10 minutes!

- An eBay income is easier now than
ever before!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mar 29, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 746


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Rowing Team's Secret"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...now we know!  Quick!  Get ready for the next
Olympics!

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"The Rowing Team's Secret"

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team.
Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though
they practice and practice for hours everyday, they
never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its
captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship
team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in
the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully
watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured
out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight
should row."

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm

	 "Clever Clasp"
		 Magnetic Jewelry Clasps

CLEVER CLASPS are magnetic jewelry clasps
that you can attach to any necklace or bracelet.
When you bring the two halves of the clasp
near each other, they click into place and lock.

You Get 4 Silver & 4 Gold Clever Clasps
·  Strong & Secure
·  No More Jewelry Hassles
·  Specifically Designed to Grip and Never Slip
·  Attaches to Any Necklace or Bracelet
·  Great for Anyone with Long Nails or Trouble Seeing

FREE BONUS - Two 3" Extender Chains

A $60 Value, ONLY $14.99 plus s&h

Order from the Official TV Website here:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Buy homes for half price.  Try a FREE Search
on Bargain.com to find a home
in your area and price range.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm


The Nokia 8801 will have everyone around
you talking about it and you. Get it now:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm


Get FREE daily horoscope and Unlimited
LIVE psychic Readings for 3 FULL DAYS.
PsychicRealm.com is your key to unlocking
your future.  The Universe Awaits your Arrival.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm


There’s only one way to play it cool—with
your new free* Ice Blue Motorola® RAZR™.
That’s right, we said free*.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm


Get $250 in FREE* in Home Depot® or
Lowe’s® Gift Cards.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent
with your mouth."
-- Yiddish proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
http://www.jokedujour.com/subscribe.htm

For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
mailto:Administrator@...?Subject=Ad_Rates_JJdJ

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JJdJ/messages

SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Websites:
http://www.jokedujour.com
http://www.ladyhawk.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
this mailing list, in accordance with the 2005
Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm

Over 1.2 million people earn an annual
income on eBay!

- FREE training and coaching can quickly
make you an eBay PowerSeller!

- With FREE online tools, you can earn a profit
in less than 10 minutes!

- An eBay income is easier now than
ever before!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mar 29, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 746


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Rowing Team's Secret"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...now we know!  Quick!  Get ready for the next
Olympics!

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"The Rowing Team's Secret"

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team.
Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though
they practice and practice for hours everyday, they
never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its
captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship
team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in
the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully
watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured
out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight
should row."

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm

	 "Clever Clasp"
		 Magnetic Jewelry Clasps

CLEVER CLASPS are magnetic jewelry clasps
that you can attach to any necklace or bracelet.
When you bring the two halves of the clasp
near each other, they click into place and lock.

You Get 4 Silver & 4 Gold Clever Clasps
·  Strong & Secure
·  No More Jewelry Hassles
·  Specifically Designed to Grip and Never Slip
·  Attaches to Any Necklace or Bracelet
·  Great for Anyone with Long Nails or Trouble Seeing

FREE BONUS - Two 3" Extender Chains

A $60 Value, ONLY $14.99 plus s&h

Order from the Official TV Website here:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Buy homes for half price.  Try a FREE Search
on Bargain.com to find a home
in your area and price range.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm


The Nokia 8801 will have everyone around
you talking about it and you. Get it now:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm


Get FREE daily horoscope and Unlimited
LIVE psychic Readings for 3 FULL DAYS.
PsychicRealm.com is your key to unlocking
your future.  The Universe Awaits your Arrival.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm


There’s only one way to play it cool—with
your new free* Ice Blue Motorola® RAZR™.
That’s right, we said free*.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm


Get $250 in FREE* in Home Depot® or
Lowe’s® Gift Cards.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent
with your mouth."
-- Yiddish proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
http://www.jokedujour.com/subscribe.htm

For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
mailto:Administrator@...?Subject=Ad_Rates_JJdJ

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JJdJ/messages

SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Websites:
http://www.jokedujour.com
http://www.ladyhawk.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
this mailing list, in accordance with the 2005
Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm

Over 1.2 million people earn an annual
income on eBay!

- FREE training and coaching can quickly
make you an eBay PowerSeller!

- With FREE online tools, you can earn a profit
in less than 10 minutes!

- An eBay income is easier now than
ever before!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mar 29, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 746


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Rowing Team's Secret"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...now we know!  Quick!  Get ready for the next
Olympics!

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/paypal.htm
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"The Rowing Team's Secret"

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team.
Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though
they practice and practice for hours everyday, they
never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its
captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship
team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in
the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully
watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured
out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight
should row."

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm

	 "Clever Clasp"
		 Magnetic Jewelry Clasps

CLEVER CLASPS are magnetic jewelry clasps
that you can attach to any necklace or bracelet.
When you bring the two halves of the clasp
near each other, they click into place and lock.

You Get 4 Silver & 4 Gold Clever Clasps
·  Strong & Secure
·  No More Jewelry Hassles
·  Specifically Designed to Grip and Never Slip
·  Attaches to Any Necklace or Bracelet
·  Great for Anyone with Long Nails or Trouble Seeing

FREE BONUS - Two 3" Extender Chains

A $60 Value, ONLY $14.99 plus s&h

Order from the Official TV Website here:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/Clever.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Buy homes for half price.  Try a FREE Search
on Bargain.com to find a home
in your area and price range.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/home.htm


The Nokia 8801 will have everyone around
you talking about it and you. Get it now:
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/nok.htm


Get FREE daily horoscope and Unlimited
LIVE psychic Readings for 3 FULL DAYS.
PsychicRealm.com is your key to unlocking
your future.  The Universe Awaits your Arrival.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/realm.htm


There’s only one way to play it cool—with
your new free* Ice Blue Motorola® RAZR™.
That’s right, we said free*.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ice.htm


Get $250 in FREE* in Home Depot® or
Lowe’s® Gift Cards.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lowe.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent
with your mouth."
-- Yiddish proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

To Unsubscribe from this group, send a blank email to:
jjdj-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joke du Jour   Funny Sex du Jour
Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
http://www.jokedujour.com/subscribe.htm

For Advertising & Sponsorship, write to
mailto:Administrator@...?Subject=Ad_Rates_JJdJ

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/JJdJ/messages

SUBMIT jokes to submission@...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Websites:
http://www.jokedujour.com
http://www.ladyhawk.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you have any problems unsubscribing from
this mailing list, in accordance with the 2005
Can-Spam act, you can contact me at:

Ms. Irene A. Mystery
Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/throttle.htm

Over 1.2 million people earn an annual
income on eBay!

- FREE training and coaching can quickly
make you an eBay PowerSeller!

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Mar 29, 2007              Volume 87, Issue 746


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Rowing Team's Secret"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...now we know!  Quick!  Get ready for the next
Olympics!

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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"The Rowing Team's Secret"

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team.
Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though
they practice and practice for hours everyday, they
never manage to come in any better than dead last.

Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its
captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship
team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge and hides in
the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully
watches the Harvard team at its daily practices.

After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured
out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight
should row."

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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Get FREE daily horoscope and Unlimited
LIVE psychic Readings for 3 FULL DAYS.
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your future.  The Universe Awaits your Arrival.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent
with your mouth."
-- Yiddish proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
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Apr 2, 2007              Volume 88, Issue 747


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Two-Minute Haggadah"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A Passover service for the impatient....

LadyHawke
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"The Two-Minute Haggadah"

Opening prayers rapidly :

Thank G~d for creating wine. (Drink wine.)
Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)
Dip the egg ( remove shell first )

Overview:  Once we were slaves in Egypt.  Now we're free.
That's why we're doing this.

Four questions:
1. What's up with the matzah?
2. What's the deal with horseradish?
3. What's with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What's this whole slouching at the table business?

Answers:
1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was
no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It's called symbolism.
4. Hungry people get to slouch.

Now tell a funny story:
Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was
morning. (Heat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:
Wise child - explain Passover.
Simple child - explain Passover slowly.
Silent child - explain Passover loudly.
Religious child - have the child explain it to you.

Speaking of children:  We hid some matzah.  Whoever
finds it gets $4.25.

The story of Passover:
It's a long time ago.  We're slaves in Egypt.  Pharaoh
is a nightmare.  We cry out for help.  G~d brings plagues
upon the Egyptians.  We escape, bake some matzah.
G~d parts the Red Sea.  We make it through; the Egyptians
aren't so lucky.  We wander 40 years in the desert, eat
manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new temple,
enjoy several years without being persecuted again.
(Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues:  Blood, Frogs, Lice - you can name
all the bad stuff before you have dinner...lessens the
appetite.

The singing of "Dayenu":
If G~d had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished
our enemies, it would've been enough.  If he'd
punished our enemies and not parted the Red Sea,
it would've been enough, oh, Dayenu! Dayenu, Dayenu...

If he'd parted the Red Sea - (Remove gefilte fish
from refrigerator now.)

Eat more matzah. Take a few more sips of way
too sweet red wine.  Slouch.

Again thank G~d for everything....and do it all again
tomorrow night.

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

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a Free* gift. Coppertone(r) vs. Hawaiian
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to keep you covered.
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that plays movies! Get a FREE* Apple(R) iPod(R)
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"The Egyptians could run to Egypt , the Syrians into
Syria. The only place we could run was into the sea,
and before we did that we might as well fight."
-- Golda Meir

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

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Apr 5, 2007              Volume 88, Issue 748


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Passover Irreverence"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

comment

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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"Passover Irreverence"

A rabbi took his Passover lunch to eat
outside in the park. He sat down on a
bench and began eating.

A little while later a blind man came by
and sat down next to him. Feeling
neighborly, the rabbi passed a sheet
of matzo to the blind man.

The blind man handled the matzo for
a few minutes, looked puzzled, and
finally exclaimed,

"Who wrote this crap?"


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Receive a Free* Restaurant Gift card of your choice
or a 10Lbs of Goobers or Raisinets Candy.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"Not everything that counts can be counted, and
not everything that can be counted counts."
-- Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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Apr 11, 2007              Volume 88, Issue 749


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Pesach Legend"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Groaner time...

LadyHawke
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"Pesach Legend"

As Moses was leading the children of Israel through
the parted walls of the Red Sea, some of the children
complained of thirst after walking so far.

Unfortunately, they weren't able to drink from the walls
of salt water on each side of them. Then a fish from
the wall of water stuck his head out and spoke to Moses.
He told him his family had heard the children's complaint,
and that they could, through their own gills, remove the
salt from their water, and then force it out of their mouths
like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from!
But, said the fish, before his family began to help, they
had one demand.

They wanted to be a part of history, and wanted to always
be a part of the Seder meal to commemorate the Exodus.
Moses readily agreed to this, and gave them their name
which remains to this very day. He said to them ...

"Go, Filter Fish."


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

What's hot, what's now. What's new.
Complete our brief survey for your entry
to win a $1,500 makeup shopping spree!
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Crafter's Choice books selections offer ideas,
inspiration and practical instructions whether
you are trying out new crafts or reaching new
levels with your favorite craft. Get 4 books for
$1.00 each. Join today and get a free tote bag!
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You've won 4 FREE* pairs of vintage sneakers!
Choose any 4 pairs you like now - for free*!
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Win an Ultimate Home Makeover!
Participate in a brief survey and be entered
to win a $50,000 Home Makeover.
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You are eligible to receive a FREE
$200.00 Starbucks Gift Card Today!
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"When a thief kisses you, count your teeth."
-- Yiddish Proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Apr 12, 2007              Volume 88, Issue 750


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Election Efforts"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Today my Mother is turning 80.  Why do I feel
that this monumental achievement is somehow
aging me?  Yeah, I know, I'm selfish... but proud
of my Mom!

LadyHawke
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"Election Efforts"

Back in a day, in an effort to lock up the Jewish
vote in his bid for Mayor of New York, the self-made
mogul Republican Michael Bloomberg is rumored
to have considered a plan to rename West Forty-
Seventh Street, where hundreds (or thousands) of
Hasidim are in the jewelry business.

The new name on offer is "Rue de la Peyes."


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Get the Cat Attack and Drive Your Cat Wild
Robotic Cat toy - Drive your cat wild today!
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/meow.htm


Take home a new Honda Accord tax-free!
Share your opinions in a brief survey and
you'll be entered for a chance to win a Honda
Accord EX or $31,399* (after-tax value).
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/honda.htm ">AOL link</a>
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Know your Score with a Free Credit Report!
No matter what your credit history is -
it's important to know your 'credit score'.
Get your Instant Credit report online now!
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24 High School Subjects on 5 DVDs
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/hs.htm ">AOL link</a>
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Get an '06 car or truck in your driveway
Car quotes so low, drive today with Autos.com
Autos.com will find your Perfect Car.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/carq.htm  ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/carq.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is
income tax."
-- Albert Einstein

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
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Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Apr 17, 2007              Volume 88, Issue 751


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "The Picnic"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Going on with the jokes...

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
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"The Picnic"

A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the
town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they
began their usual banter.

"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest
teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know
it's against your religion, but I can't understand
why such a wonderful food should be forbidden!

You don't know what you're missing. You just
haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized
Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when
are you going to break down and try it?"

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin,
and said, "At your wedding, of course!"

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Claim to receive FREE*
	 COMPANION AIRFARE!
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/air.htm


Thinking about selling your Timeshare or Condo?
Stop paying and cash out quickly.  We will sell
or rent your property guaranteed.
Profit from your timeshare.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/share.htm


Buy Direct from the Manufacturer:
My Lil' Reminder.  It's smaller than
a credit card yet the perfect digital recorder!
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lil.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/lil.htm


Got Health Insurance? Plans Start at $79!
Affordable Health Insurance - The Best
Coverage at the Right Price!
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/h-ins.htm


Get a KitchenAid 5 Quart Artisan Mixer
with our compliments...see how.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/ka5.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"Old friends, like old wines, don't lose their flavor."
--Jewish Proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
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SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
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Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Editor at Joke du Jour
P. O. Box 6007
Long Island City, NY 11106-0007
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/w-gym.htm

Exercise your right to own a successful business...
	 Right now!!!

		 Gym Owners Wanted!

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built on a proven model of success at our 600 locations.

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Apr 19, 2007              Volume 88, Issue 752


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Seniors at Poker"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

...still going...

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"Seniors at Poker"

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the
condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500
on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops
dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other
five continue playing standing up.

Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's
going to tell his wife?"

They cut cards. Goldberg picks the two of clubs
and has to carry the news.

They tell him to be discreet; be gentle; don't make
a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever
meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and
knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks
what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband
just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife.

Goldberg turns around and start walking away.

"Where are you going?" asks the wife.

"I'll go tell him," says Goldberg.


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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Enjoy Your Sleep Again with
	 Essential Living Sleep-Rite!
*100% All Natural Nutrients
	 *Eliminate Insomnia
		 *Normalize Sleep Patterns
Get Yours Now!
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Discover 5 things you can do to stay home
with your kids and still make money.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/mom.htm


The World's Fastest Term Life Policy?
No Physical Required. 10 MINUTES FROM
NOW.......your life insurance policy could
be approved and in force.  Apply now.
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Enhance your home… indoors and out.
Claim you free* $500 Home Depot® gift card…
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/hd.htm


The International Library of Poetry has just
announced that over 1,175 prizes, totaling
$58,000.00, will be awarded in the International
Open Amateur Poetry Contest.  The contest is
open to everyone, and entry is free.
<a href=" http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/poet.htm ">AOL link</a>
http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/poet.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind
of thinking we used when we created them."
-- Albert Einstein

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
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SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
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Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

Please visit our sponsors. They keep JJdJ priceless!

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Home Buyers:
	 Do No Make a $5250 Mistake

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Apr 24, 2007              Volume 88, Issue 753


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Friends Vs. Jewish Friends"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It's nice to have friends, Jewish or otherwise...

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Keep LadyHawke flying:
	 Please support Joke du Jour. Thank you.
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"Friends Vs. Jewish Friends"

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
JEWISH  FRIENDS: Always bring the food.


FRIENDS: Will say "hello."
JEWISH  FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug
and a kiss.


FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
JEWISH  FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom
and Dad


FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
JEWISH FRIENDS:  Cry with you.


FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
JEWISH  FRIENDS: Will spend hours there,
talking, laughing and just being together.


FRIENDS: know a few things about you.
JEWISH FRIENDS: Could write a book with
direct quotes from you.


FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what
the crowd is doing.
JEWISH FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds'
behinds that left you.


FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
JEWISH FRIENDS: Walk right in and say,
"I'm home!"


FRIENDS: Are for a while.
JEWISH FRIENDS: Are for life.


Friends: Will leave without saying Goodbye
Jewish friends: Will say goodbye and never
leave.


FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
JEWISH FRIENDS: Will forward this.


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in making you look younger!

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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

BORDERS vs. BARNES & NOBLE
Place Your Vote Now & Get a $500 Gift
Card to your Favorite, FREE*!
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Choose your FREE* Gift Card!
- $500 Macy's¨ Gift Card
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/m500.htm


Claim your free 5 Night Cruise
for 2 to the Bahamas.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/bahamas.htm


Do you like Shopping and expressing
your opinion? Join ResearchMania and
enter to win a $500 Shopping Spree.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/res.htm


Hydroderm: Because You Deserve
	 to Look 10 Years Younger!
Try Hydroderm for 30 days on us - visit us here.
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/serum.htm

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jewish Quote du Jour

"One definition of courage is the willingness of a
person to stand up for his beliefs in the face of
great odds. Chutzpah is doing the same thing
wearing a Mickey Mouse hat."
-- Anonymous

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Copyright © 1999 - 2007 Jewish Joke du Jour
All Rights reserved. Permission is granted for noncommercial
distribution of JJdJ jokes as long as this full copyright notice
is included, including subscription information.

To Subscribe to this group, send a blank email to:
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SUBSCRIBE to our Newsletters:
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Jewish Joke du Jour       Quote du Jour
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Welcome to Jewish Joke du Jour!

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	 BETTER THAN BOTOX?

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Apr 26, 2007              Volume 88, Issue 754


	 Jewish Joke du Jour Table of Content

o  "Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream"
o  Links du Jour
o Jewish Quote du Jour

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ice cream... is it time for summer yet?

LadyHawke
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


"Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream"

Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream is now available
in Israel...

In the following flavors :

Wailing Walnut

   Moishmellow

   Mazel Toffee

   Chazalnut

   Oy Ge-malt

   Mi Ka-mocha

   Soda & Gamorra

   Bernard Malamint

   Berry Pr'i Hagafen

   Choc-Eilat Chip

   and finally (drum roll, please)
.........Simchas T'oreo!

It should also be noted that all these
flavors come in a Cohen!


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-Psychic Chat

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The Universe Awaits your Arrival.
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~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Links du Jour

Motorola Razr V3, Sony Erriccson w600i,
and Nokia 7280 FREE! Talk in Style--Get
a FREE* Cell Phone!
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/quiz.htm


Want a Toys "R" US Gift Card on Us?
Participate Now and We'll Buy You
a $500 Toys "R" Us Gift Card
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http://www.jokedujour.com/ads/t500.htm


	 As Seen on Oprah!
	 Join the Best Life Diet!
Let Oprah's trainer shape you up.
Get access to the exciting weight loss program that
helped Oprah trusts! Personalized Diet profile.
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Jewish Quote du Jour

"Energy is the basis of everything. Every Jew, no matter
how insignificant, is engaged in some decisive and
immediate pursuit of a goal... It is the most perpetual
people of the earth..."
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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