Happy Easter!! As many of us are in the midst of celebrating the
Resurrection of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior and what that means
for our lives, I thought I'd take this time to bring you another set
of random comments from the archives of the Celebok Report!


I still suck at cracking open eggshells.

Suppose I were to get into a major car accident by myself and wound
up in a coma for a few months. How long would it take for people I
know to find out about it, and who would be the first to find out?
My parents, co-workers, neighbors, friends? I was thinking about
asking people what they would do if I disappeared so I can try to
construct the precise sequence of events that would follow my
accident.

Ever since a female friend of mine mistakenly suspected me of being
interested in her, I've been a little paranoid in other situations.

You know you've been in one Fantastic Sam's too many times when two
of the hairstylists you've had recognize you in the supermarket.

You know you've been living in one apartment too long when you go to
renew your lease, and the manager looks up your records and
says, "Gosh, you've been here a long time!"

You know you're getting old when a girl tells you about the tattoos
that she's been getting with the money that her parents gave her for
college, and all you can think is, "Gosh, if I were her dad, and I
found out, I'd be furious!"

One of the things Las Vegas is known for is its little wedding
chapels where people can just get married on a whim if they want
to. During one of the days when I was exploring the Strip, I
happened to find myself walking behind a couple who, obviously from
the wedding gown and white tuxedo, had just gotten married. I
followed them up an escalator and across a walkway that connected
two of the large hotels. And this couple attracted a lot of
attention from oncoming people passing by, some even congratulating
them. A lot of them looked beyond the newlyweds to see if there was
anybody behind them that might have been part of a wedding party...
only to find an ordinary guy wearing a t-shirt and jeans and
carrying Las Vegas tourist pamphlets--me. I felt like hiding.

Is it just me, or are Hostess Cupcakes really not as good as I
remember them?

I've always hated PDA's. No, I don't mean personal digital
assistants, I mean public displays of affection. Whenever a couple
chooses to show their affection for each other in a public place, it
makes them look very undignified, and sometimes even disgusting.
It's like someone picking their nose in public. But the thing is,
there's nothing I can do to stop them from doing it, because they
basically don't care what other people think. It's their right, and
they're not breaking any law. So the only thing I can do is ignore
them. It's become easy enough for me to tune out the sight of a
PDA; all I need to do is not look at them. But I've recently
noticed that it's much harder to tune out the SOUND of a couple
making out. If I'm sitting in a relatively quiet restaurant, and
there's an affectionate couple sitting just a few feet away, I might
be forced to hear them saying loving words to each other in the
stupidest voices. Or I might actually hear them kissing each other
several times. The sound of the suction of two people's lips coming
apart, accompanied by a moan, is about as annoying as fingernails on
a chalkboard! If I ever get a girlfriend, and I act like this in
public, someone please shoot me.


And that's it for now! We now return you to your regularly
scheduled Easter celebrations.

--Wayne