Hi,

These are qualities that I think a solid godly husband should have
or be willing to do and has the desire to reach this level and
higher..If you don't come across one who has at least the desire
and is showing it in his life, don't waste your time with him.

1.  He should be familiar with the Bible and know his essential
doctrine because he is to be the spiritual leader of the house and
needs to know basic doctrine and be able to discuss it
intelligently to his wife and train his kids what it is.

2. He should be a spiritual leader in the house, which means making
sure prayer takes place before meals as a family.  I also think he
should pray with his wife daily, about her and for her needs, the
kids,and vice-versa.

3. I think the man should lead bible study a few times a week for
the household.  Thinking of God and learning about him and
meditating on his word needs to be a priority in the household.
Therefore he is teaching his household about Christ and then he and
his wife will be better examples for their children and also in
their training up of their children that are lent to them by God,
knowing they will eventually be gone out of the house.  We are to
do all we can while we have them so they can defend their faith and
know what respect for others and God is all about.  It is a very
crucial point in parenting that is neglected nowadays and has been.

4. He should have discipline when it comes to finances and not
waste money.  The way we spend our money determines where our
priorities are.  He should have saved up 5-10 thousand dollars already by 25-26, and more so as he is older.  He shouldn't be in debt (outside of a house) and started to put away into a retirement account. Same goes for a single woman.  In this day and age with women working and getting educated, this applies to them, too.  They shouldn't live selfishly and just spend what they have and only expecting the man to be saving for marriage and retirement.

5. He should read christian books on marriage and sex with his wife
at least once or twice a year.  He should have daily discussions
with his wife about her day and his day knowing that it is
important to his wife to have these.  Of course when they occur,
such as not once he walks in the door from work when he wants some
transition time is not good, unless he brings it up himself.  they
should talk about what they need prayer for, what they are
struggling with, how they can please each other better on a daily
basis, whether through compliments, doing things a certain way
which is important for the other person, how they can please each
other better sexually, showing of affection throughout the day
without it always leading to sex, etc.
Women need to realize that men need them to say exactly what they
desire.  Men are not mind readers.  Women need to learn to be more
frank in what they desire.  Men do want to please their wife.

6. Men should put God first, wife second, kids third, work fourth.
women should have same priority level also.  This means women need
to pay more attention to their husbands still even after kids come
into the picture.  This is important for the kids to see as an
example.  Both men and women once again need to remember that the
kids are only here so long then they move on to their own lives,
but the husband and wife stay together for the lifetime.  Too many
women especially neglect their husbands for the kids and after they
leave, neither husband and wife seem to have a lot in common and
communication, sex, affection throughout the day, has gone to crap
and the husband resents this big time.  Once again, communication
and have the right priorities going into marriage is a must.  men
and women don't talk enough in detail about how their roles in
marriage should be, both before kids and after.

7. A man should look to encourage his wife by complimenting her
whenever he can knowing she needs this much more than a man does
and most men have not done that growing up.  Women need to realize
this and it will take time to develop.  This is where the daily
communication comes in and sharing their needs directly with each
other.  Women don't give hints!  Men don't get hints.  Be direct.
I can't say that enough.

8. A man should desire to spend time with his kids.  Teach them
sports or whatever their desires are, that is, God given talents.
Men need to spend time training them and discussing life with them
and take advantage of examples in life to teach them lessons about
what should have happened.

9.  I myself am a very determined, disciplined man, that takes
things seriously when it comes to godly matters, such as doing it
right, according to the bible, and admitting mistakes and being
willing to change through the power of the Holy Spirit.  I am a
more structured person as one can tell probably from reading this.
I grew up as a perfectionist for academics and sports and now the
Holy Spirit has changed that desire over to doing my best to please
God by learning through studying God's word and solid christian
books, what it is to be a godly man.

10. I have learned from reading that a great way to handle any
arguments you may have with your spouse that need to get discussed
before the sun goes down(biblical- so Satan doesn't mess with our
minds and blow things out of proportion) is to hold hands while
talking so we are so close and intimate that we won't lose our
temper.  I like the idea of not having or not using a tv the first
year of marriage in order to focus on each other and communication
with each other and getting to know each other sexually.  I think
of the example in the Bible where men were not sent to war in their
first year of marriage so they could get to know their new wife.

11. I could go into more detail about different areas within
marriage and what I think should be discussed before marriage,
i.e., every major topic and many minor ones as possible, so you are
both on the same page going into marriage.  Such as I do beleive in
spanking children if necessary, depending on their temperment, to
make sure they learn respect very early on, not only for myself,
but for my wife, who they better not learn to mess with because I
am to protect her and I will be with her for a lifetime.

I hope this explains enough to begin with where I am coming from on
what it means to be a godly husband.  It is a learning process but
we need to have solid foundations about what we need to be learning
and doing when it actually happens before we get into it.  Very few
men and women do this and I believe it is unbiblical and why so
many christian marriages end in divorce, almost as many as
nonchristian.

Please feel free to express any concerns you have with any
positions I have taken above or agree with me in any areas above.
I am always into listening to other solid godly advice.

In Christ,

Mark