Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed

Rebecca,

I agree I don't look "family" and it is difficult to meet anyone. A business
card would be a definate confidence builder and welcomed introduction.

L.

--- In sacramento_lesbians@yahoogroups.com, Rebecca H <lvinlife2007@...> wrote:
>
> I know I wouldn't be offended at all!!! At the very least, it's a compliment,
right? Personally, I don't look "family" in the least bit, which makes it that
much harder for me to meet people. I try the groups, the mixers, etc. and can't
even get someone to talk to me. So, yes, a dropped business card and a smile or
compliment? Very much acceptable.
>
> Rebecca
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: "martini.maiden@..." <martini.maiden@...>
> To: sacramento_lesbians@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Fri, December 4, 2009 10:11:38 AM
> Subject: Re: [sacramento_lesbians] How would you like to be approached?
>
>
> Hello ladies
>
> I don't know the answer either. I am new to the area and new to the "family"
so its very difficult for me to meet quality people including lesbians. If there
is a way to start a poll here I'm on bb right now I think we should. How many
woman would be offended if someone dropped their business card/phone number off
at your table?  And would you be offended if your partner was with you?
>
> I would be flattered whether or not I was attracted to them. I think it shows
confidence.
> Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
>

I've been called back to the job that laid me off in September
(Sacramento County Public Health), and am now helping recruit and
organize the volunteers for the H1N1 clinics.

I would like to invite you to please consider volunteering at Sacramento
County's H1N1 (swine flu) vaccine clinics! These clinics started on Nov.
16th and will run through mid-January, and they're scattered all around
the county. The clinics are usually about 4 hours long, and each clinic
is about a 6 hour commitment altogether (you need to arrive 1-1/4 hours
early and plan on staying 1/2 hour or so after the clinic closes). Some
of the clinics are mid-day (10am to 2pm) and others are mid to late
afternoon (3pm to 7pm).

If you're a currently licensed R.N., we REALLY need you! Although there
is no pay or mileage reimbursement available for volunteering at these
clinics, all volunteers will be eligible to receive an H1N1 vaccine at
the end of the clinic (this is optional, of course!).

Here is a link to the H1N1 Clinic schedule:
http://www.sacpublichealth.net/storage/pdfs-h1n1-clinics/PUB-H1N1-Clinic-Schedul\
e-2009Nov24.pdf

If you'd like to volunteer, please email me at my work address
(taylorta@...) with the dates you're available to work, and I
will be able to get you signed up as a volunteer! Please provide your
full name and a phone number, as well as your email address. I won't be
back at work until Monday, Nov. 30th, but I'll definitely be in touch then!

Thanks!

Tana

PS: PLEASE forward this email to your friends and family who may be
interested in volunteering!

 

here is a copy of the words of the description (that have never changed since the foundation of the group), and while they are a bit outdated they are still all inclusive.

"Description

Hey girls! This site is for all of the gals in the sacramento area that would love to have a safe place to connect with other lesbian/bi females in the area. We all need a suport group and it can often be hard to find others like us hopefully this site will help. Since this is a new site I would love it if all new members would leave a quick post telling me what you would like to see from this group. Thank you for your interest and please tell your friends! More info to come as the site develops."

It is named lesbian because that is the side of the relationship, or connections that should happen here. We do not expect people to come here on advice about men, but anything outside of how to find a man or be in a relationship with a man is kosher. You can talk about how you are married and how you are bi and what is going on in your life. I will get with Marsha and Update the discription to be more modern, but the basic message is the same. A place for people to connect with other like minded people lesbian/bi/queer/etc

here is a copy of the words of the description (that have never changed since
the foundation of the group), and while they are a bit outdated they are still
all inclusive.


"Description

Hey girls! This site is for all of the gals in the sacramento area that would
love to have a safe place to connect with other lesbian/bi females in the area.
We all need a suport group and it can often be hard to find others like us
hopefully this site will help. Since this is a new site I would love it if all
new members would leave a quick post telling me what you would like to see from
this group. Thank you for your interest and please tell your friends! More info
to come as the site develops."

It is named lesbian because that is the side of the relationship, or connections
that should happen here. We do not expect people to come here on advice about
men, but anything outside of how to find a man or be in a relationship with a
man is kosher. You can talk about how you are married and how you are bi and
what is going on in your life. I will get with Marsha and Update the discription
to be more modern, but the basic message is the same. A place for people to
connect with other like minded people lesbian/bi/queer/etc

Dear Majesta and Carolyn,

Perspective speaking, I feel you both have valid points. As someone
who has pretty much "done it all" with being polyamorous in the past,
being in a BDSM relationship in the past which has polyamory involved,
being a monogamy minded person for many years now, labeling myself a
bisexual and queer in the past and being in a monogamous relationship
and being a lesbian now.

I feel that Carolyn deserves to be apologized for her misled thought
that this group was for lesbians due to how it is being advertised and
titled. Maybe the homepage to this group needs to be more clear? I
don't remember what it says exactly but the point is Carolyn has the
right to feel desire to be on just lesbian listserv just as much as
Majesta has the right to wish to be in a broader group. Thus the
bottom line points to needing a clearer introductionary to this group
on the Yahoo! homepage for this group.

I had profoundly rooted for polyamory and gone queer/bi many years ago
and for a long time, because, for queer, I I felt how could one be
discriminating towards others because of their gender/body etc. To be
clear here, I realize Carolyn has an old definition of 'queer', which
has contributed to a clash in using this term with today's generation.
So let me explain the usage of 'queer' for current trend. Queer
basically means that one doesn't mind what the other's gender is as in
"being blinded to that." And a queer also believes that human being
doesn't necessarily have to go for the opposite sex as in being told
to do so. For the latter meaning, we all on this listserv are
obviously queers. But for the former meaning, this is where it varies
among us depending on where our true home is on the inside. For that
matter, I am no longer a queer as I have finally realized my true
self.

On the polyamory side, I find it rather too strong to say Carolyn is a
separatist just because she wants to be on an-all lesbian listserv.
How would one jave felt if she was said to being too loose or ignorant
with boundaries or that she was being superficial in relationships?
Carolyn might have wished for an-all lesbian listserve whereas it
serves as a safe and utmost comfortable space for her to be herself
one hundred percent and that she didn't mind that there were
queer/bisexual/pansexual folks out there with their listserves and
different philosophies.

Personally, I do believe that it is alright for married couples to
have their same-sex companion/mistress/girl-orboy-friend if they are
also married to someone else that they have the same sense in
balancing things out with you which would be little time/subordinate
to their married ones and children. But, for someone who is mentally
healthy and single in that she cares and respects herself deeply she
wouldn't put herself in a position where she would have to move her
world around you, who are the married one to someone else and have
kids.

My past experience with polyamory with being single myself and dating
a married female to a husband and with two kids, it was one utmost
heck of an experience that was utterly painful when we both had strong
chemistry going. As irony as it sounds, it is also actually helpful in
my current monogamous relationship with my partner. She was also
involved in polyamory for a long time until she came across me and she
lost interest in that. The reason why it is also helpful for us both
in our relationship is because we both know what polyamory is and
having once strongly rooted for that philosophy in that we are very
open with each other about whether one of us happens to develop
attraction for someone else. We are very communicative and support
each other should one of us got attracted to someone else and know
would be granted the space to explore what is up with that that derail
in relationship and need not fear the chance of breaking up until
something is written in stone. And, for me, all of my attractions to
someone else other than partner were either because of me feeling
relationship was lacking something or just a human natural thing with
superficial attraction/infutation. Those practically always went away
after I communicated my needs with partner for whatever that was
lacking or if I waited for a while on the attraction with another
woman and not acted fast on it and the attraction simply vanished
literally every time.  We both wouldn't have this kind of deep
understanding if it wasn't for our past experience with polyamory. And
for one part we got involved in polyamory was something that we were
not dealing with our core issues from whatever experiences that
happened to us even as young as toddlers that led us to numb our inner
childs and not even realizing it until many, many years later.

Basically, after many years of rooting for polyamory we came to a
realization that it is just superficial regardless of how intense your
emotional connection might be with that person. In the whole sense it
cannot get any deep if there is no monogamous relationship where the
whole being involves so many things, far much more than just the
intense feeling one might have with that person. I used to feel and
believe that being queer is the way to go because, on the outside, it
made sense not to judge others by their gender, etc. So it made me
feel good knowing I was being a good person by opening myself up to
whoever i was attracted to but superficially. After reaching a more
mature stage, in my opinion, I realize it isn't even necessary to go
that way and it still doesn't make me an uncool person just because I
found what rang true to my heart, which is woman for woman is what I
am about. It is being what strikes your heart home that should matter,
not some logical thinking. Mind you, it actually takes just a
miniscule to even manage to create a pseudo paradigm of belief system.
One simple logical thinking is all it takes to make one strive in a
certain direction that doesn't actually strikes home on the very deep
level.

In fact, I have one friend who is/was a very, very strong polyamory
believer and she is in a 20+ years relationship with a male. I don't
stay in touch with her any at all frequently, so I am unaware of the
update. But what she told me was these...She provides workshops all
the time as well as lectures on open love/polyamory. Her partner is of
the very same as her. I mean, she knows it all about polyamory from
spiritual sense to psychological aspect to mental health aspect and
has a doctorate herself. And then one day she met a woman that she
didn't expect to have a divine connection with, now she feels as if
she is just interested in her and not desiring to make herself
available to her 20+ years partner or anybody else. She is feeling
very thwarted by her experience in that she doesn't know how to make
of it after all those years of her strong belief system with polyamory
and having consulted thousands and provided many, many workshops on
polyamory along with sharing herself to many, many others for
intimacy.

Well, let your journey serve you for what it is worth and it does
shape you in whatever it will years later on that you dodn't see it
now. Enjoy your journey for as many of us ex-polyamorists have while
ours lasted, smile.

Sarah
English as a Second Language User

On 12/8/09, majesta doe <majneedsabreak@...> wrote:
> Queer is a more open umbrella in the gay community and no one is asking you
> to be queer. Lesbian is just too separatist for our every changing reality.
> Lesbian is a very welcome part of our community, but we don't feel the need
> to leave any person who feels comfortable in a female/female side of a
> relationship out of our group. Just because a person may have dated a man,
> may be married to a man, may have used to be a man, does not mean we should
> not let them talk about the "lesbian" side of themselves here. Now if a
> person was asking us how to find a man, become a man, or to marry a man,
> then that would be a better time to tell them to search for help in another
> group, but if they are just being open about their involvement with men and
> trying to find a way to include women in that, then welcome all. Please just
> remember the main rules of the group is to be open, be yourself, have fun
> and be respectful of all people. We are all part of the same female
>  loving community, why cant we all just enjoy that? Just because monogamy is
> what you want, that doesn't mean this is a monogamous group. No more than
> this is a poly-amorous group. This is a group for woman loving (at one point
> woman minded or bodied) people to talk about life related to loving women.
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: Carolyn Shama <cdshama@...>
> To: sacramento_lesbians@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Tue, December 8, 2009 5:44:13 AM
> Subject: Re: [sacramento_lesbians] i need ur thoughts.
>
>
> I did not realize that sacramento_lesbians was not really an exclusive
> group.  Maybe it should be renamed. I gracefully bow out.  What does queer
> mean? We used to be "queer" 40 years ago. I am not queer.  I am a lesbian.
>
>
> On Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 12:48 AM, majesta doe <majneedsabreak@ yahoo.com>
> wrote:
>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>  >
>>
>>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>This is not a lesbian exclusive group by any means, please do not refer to
>> it as such. The original moderator of this group is herself infact BI. I
>> am the other moderator and I am not a lesbian either. I am queer. This is
>> called lesbian to help weed out people who are looking for straight
>> relationships, but is not even limited to gay people. This is not a dating
>> group, but rather a social one. Not to say that dating is not allowed, but
>> the main point of the group is social networking. A way for likeminded
>> people to meet eachother and share ideas. Please refrain from making any
>> one group feel unwelcome. Thank you
>>>~jordan
>>
>>
>>
>>
> ________________________________
>
>>From: Carolyn Shama <cdshama@gmail. com>
>>
>>To: sacramento_lesbians @yahoogroups. com
>>Sent: Mon, December 7, 2009 11:43:03 PM
>>
>>Subject: Re: [sacramento_ lesbians] i need ur thoughts.
>>
>>  >
>>
>>
>>>
>>
>>Yes, you should give up. right now your primary responsibility is to your
>> children. What you are attempting to do is called Polyamory and generally
>> it doesn't work.  And if you are writing on a lesbian website, it might
>> not be the most helpful for you.  I would suggest a Bi website or a
>> polyamory web group.
>>
>>
>>On Mon, Dec 7, 2009 at 10:53 PM, labrayawalker <labrayawalker@ yahoo.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>  >>
>>>
>>>>>
>>>
>>>>>
>>>
>>>I am a 24 year old wife and mother, I am bisexual and I often have
>>> girlfriends , but they never last. Is it because I am married?.... is it
>>> impossible to have ur cake and eat it too?...I am always honest and open
>>> about my situation, and they are always okay with it at first then as
>>> time goes on its no longer okay. I am still looking for the really good
>>> friend for movies, shopping, laughing, dinner, cuddle time and ect. But
>>> I'm having no luck. Should I juss give up? T
>>>
>>>
>>
>>
>
>
>
>
>

--
Sent from my mobile device

<^>^<^>^<^>
Sarah Hafer
Junior Specialist, Corina Lab
Cognitive Neurolinguistics Laboratory
UC Davis Center for Mind and Brain
(530)207-4630
http://mindbrain.ucdavis.edu/labs/Corina
<^>^<^>^<^>

Well, I must say that I do appreciate all of ur thoughts. The positive and the
not so positive, after all I asked for thoughts I did not specify which
thoughts, so thank u all I have been reading and taking all into great
consideration...I do apologize if anyone was affended, and thanks again to all
who provided feedback.

Carolyn Shama <cdshama@...> wrote:

>Thank you very much.That was me. And we had adult kids who were still caught
>between a rock and a hard place.  They don't have much sympathy for their
>mother. Now, they still love her because she's mom, but respect....I don't
>think so.
>
>On Tue, Dec 8, 2009 at 12:00 PM, Crew AT FStudio <crew1@...> wrote:
>
>>
>>
>> Never seen this work out right, not once. Everyone gets hurt - the
>> lesbian, the bi chick, the hubby, the kids, the friends that have to
>> hear everyone's pain over and over after things fall apart.
>>
>> I agree with the person who says put the kids first. They need a stable
>> home life, and they won't get that if mommy is out chasing single dykes
>> to get her yayas. I also agree with the person that suggested finding
>> another married bi mommy to be a f*ck buddy with. Less chance of anyone
>> getting their heart broken if both parties are superficial about the
>> relationship and both hubbies think it's hot. Just keep it all away from
>> the kids, they don't need that energy.
>>
>> Moderator: if people ask for personal opinions on hot-button subjects,
>> you won't get a happy chorus of 'kumbaya', know what I mean?
>>
>>
sacramento_lesbians@yahoogroups.com<sacramento_lesbians%40yahoogroups.com>wrote:
>> >
>> > 4a.
>> >
>> >
>> > i need ur thoughts.
>> > <
>>
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacramento_lesbians/message/1915;_ylc=X3oDMTJyZWlz\
YzlrBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzE0MTE4ODUzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwOTEzODY5OQRtc2dJZAMxOTE1\
BHNlYwNkbXNnBHNsawN2bXNnBHN0aW1lAzEyNjAyODM2Njk-
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Posted by: "labrayawalker"
labrayawalker@...<labrayawalker%40yahoo.com>
>> > <mailto:labrayawalker@... <labrayawalker%40yahoo.com>
>> ?Subject=%20Re%3Ai%20need%20ur%20thoughts%2E>
>> > labrayawalker <http://profiles.yahoo.com/labrayawalker>
>> >
>> >
>> > Mon Dec 7, 2009 10:53 pm (PST)
>>
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > I am a 24 year old wife and mother, I am bisexual and I often have
>> > girlfriends , but they never last. Is it because I am
>> > married?....is it impossible to have ur cake and eat it too?...I
>> > am always honest and open about my situation, and they are always
>> > okay with it at first then as time goes on its no longer okay. I
>> > am still looking for the really good friend for movies, shopping,
>> > laughing, dinner, cuddle time and ect. But I'm having no luck.
>> > Should I juss give up? T
>> >
>> > Back to top <#toc>
>> > Reply to sender
>> > <mailto:labrayawalker@... <labrayawalker%40yahoo.com>
>> ?Subject=Re%3Ai%20need%20ur%20thoughts%2E>
>> > | Reply to group
>> >
<mailto:sacramento_lesbians@yahoogroups.com<sacramento_lesbians%40yahoogroups.co\
m>
>> ?Subject=%20Re%3Ai%20need%20ur%20thoughts%2E>
>> > | Reply via web post
>> > <
>>
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacramento_lesbians/post;_ylc=X3oDMTJyNW9xNDhrBF9T\
Azk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzE0MTE4ODUzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwOTEzODY5OQRtc2dJZAMxOTE1BHNlYwNk\
bXNnBHNsawNycGx5BHN0aW1lAzEyNjAyODM2Njk-?act=reply&messageNum=1915
>> >
>> >
>> > Messages in this topic
>> > <
>>
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacramento_lesbians/message/1915;_ylc=X3oDMTM2Z2c0\
OXRzBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzE0MTE4ODUzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwOTEzODY5OQRtc2dJZAMxOTE1\
BHNlYwNkbXNnBHNsawN2dHBjBHN0aW1lAzEyNjAyODM2NjkEdHBjSWQDMTkxNQ--
>> >
>> > (7)
>> > 4b.
>> >
>>
>>
>>

Never seen this work out right, not once. Everyone gets hurt - the
lesbian, the bi chick, the hubby, the kids, the friends that have to
hear everyone's pain over and over after things fall apart.

I agree with the person who says put the kids first. They need a stable
home life, and they won't get that if mommy is out chasing single dykes
to get her yayas. I also agree with the person that suggested finding
another married bi mommy to be a f*ck buddy with. Less chance of anyone
getting their heart broken if both parties are superficial about the
relationship and both hubbies think it's hot. Just keep it all away from
the kids, they don't need that energy.

Moderator: if people ask for personal opinions on hot-button subjects,
you won't get a happy chorus of 'kumbaya', know what I mean?



sacramento_lesbians@yahoogroups.com wrote:
>
> 4a.
>
>
>         i need ur thoughts.
>        
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacramento_lesbians/message/1915;_ylc=X3oDMTJyZWl\
zYzlrBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzE0MTE4ODUzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwOTEzODY5OQRtc2dJZAMxOTE\
1BHNlYwNkbXNnBHNsawN2bXNnBHN0aW1lAzEyNjAyODM2Njk->
>
>
>
>           Posted by: "labrayawalker" labrayawalker@...
>          
<mailto:labrayawalker@...?Subject=%20Re%3Ai%20need%20ur%20thoughts%2E>
>             labrayawalker <http://profiles.yahoo.com/labrayawalker>
>
>
>             Mon Dec 7, 2009 10:53 pm (PST)
>
>
>
>     I am a 24 year old wife and mother, I am bisexual and I often have
>     girlfriends , but they never last. Is it because I am
>     married?....is it impossible to have ur cake and eat it too?...I
>     am always honest and open about my situation, and they are always
>     okay with it at first then as time goes on its no longer okay. I
>     am still looking for the really good friend for movies, shopping,
>     laughing, dinner, cuddle time and ect. But I'm having no luck.
>     Should I juss give up? T
>
>     Back to top <#toc>
>     Reply to sender
>     <mailto:labrayawalker@...?Subject=Re%3Ai%20need%20ur%20thoughts%2E>
>     | Reply to group
>    
<mailto:sacramento_lesbians@yahoogroups.com?Subject=%20Re%3Ai%20need%20ur%20thou\
ghts%2E>
>     | Reply via web post
>    
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacramento_lesbians/post;_ylc=X3oDMTJyNW9xNDhrBF9\
TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzE0MTE4ODUzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwOTEzODY5OQRtc2dJZAMxOTE1BHNlYwN\
kbXNnBHNsawNycGx5BHN0aW1lAzEyNjAyODM2Njk-?act=reply&messageNum=1915>
>
>     Messages in this topic
>    
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sacramento_lesbians/message/1915;_ylc=X3oDMTM2Z2c\
0OXRzBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzE0MTE4ODUzBGdycHNwSWQDMTcwOTEzODY5OQRtc2dJZAMxOTE\
1BHNlYwNkbXNnBHNsawN2dHBjBHN0aW1lAzEyNjAyODM2NjkEdHBjSWQDMTkxNQ-->
>     (7)
> 4b.
>

in my general experience,  it is pretty hard to have your cake and eat it too. 
that said, I wonder if you've tried dating a woman with a situation similar to
yours--one with a primary partner and family but who wants a girlfriend too?  it
seems like that might balance everyone's needs the best.  rather than having a
girlfriend to whom you are the primary when you already are primary to someone
else...you know what I mean?


Sent from my iPhone

I am a 24 year old wife and mother, I am bisexual and I often have girlfriends ,
but they never last. Is it because I am married?....is it impossible to have ur
cake and eat it too?...I am always honest and open about my situation, and they
are always okay with it at first then as time goes on its no longer okay. I am
still looking for the really good friend for movies, shopping, laughing, dinner,
cuddle time and ect. But I'm having no luck. Should I juss give up? T