Rev. Haggard "Cured" of Homosexuality

Feb 10, 2007
DesMoinesRegister

Glory, hallelujah! The Rev. Ted Haggard has been cured.

Cured of what? Cured of his homosexuality.

And it only took three weeks. Truly a miracle.

If you recall, Haggard quit as president of the National
Association of Evangelicals last year amid accusations he'd had
an affair with Mike Jones, a male prostitute, and he sometimes
used methamphetamines.

This week, Haggard told friends he plans to leave his home in
Colorado Springs, Colorado, and move somewhere "affordable",
either Missouri or Iowa.

Declaring himself "completely heterosexual" he said he and his
wife planned to pursue (online) psychology degrees.

The Rev. James Dobson, who piled up a fortune focusing on the
family, made the preacher's redemption his personal project.

Although Dobson said he'd be too busy to do the reclaiming
himself, he organized a team of experts to do it.

Now, according to the Rev. Tim Ralph, the job is done.

"He is completely heterosexual", Ralph said this week.

No one has said what the percentage of heterosexuality vs.
homosexuality were when the counseling started: 50-50? 70-30?

How do you figure that, anyway? Whatever they were, it's 100
percent now.

We also don't know how they did it. Jon Stewart, host of THE
DAILY SHOW, suggested they might have used the same method your
father used when he caught you smoking a cigarette: Make you
smoke the whole carton.

To quote THE DALLAS MORNING NEWS: "If you believe that, we have
a bridge over de NIle to sell you."

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