From: Twilla Harris <twillah526@...>
Subject: HELLO
To: "Pat Hammes" <phamma@...>
Date: Thursday, August 13, 2009, 9:54 AM

Subject: HELLO     A

From: norman crim <george193024@...>
Subject: Fw: EXCELLENT
To: betty78381@..., boxer716@..., "Cary Butters" <carycub@...>, chrisp@..., "Howard Collins" <hdcollins@...>, jcepperly@..., joray@..., jwells@..., marttus@..., mossj@..., rpmdoherty@..., sknewton@..., youngent1@...
Cc: elaine@..., lowlor@..., raufer7@..., Spicy_Darlin@..., terydean@..., William.kaltenborn@...
Date: Tuesday, March 17, 2009, 8:32 PM

--- Subject: : EXCELLENT A dog had followed his owner to school.  His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school.  However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child's classroom before a teacher noticed and shooed him outside, closing the door behind him.  The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors.  Then God appeared beside the dog, patted his head, and said,      'Don't feel bad fella'...they won't let ME in either'.

From: ginger ogle <papaandgg@...>
Subject: FW: Wally's Wedding Night///Pastors ass//"TITANIC" and Bill
To: "me" <boxer716@...>
Date: Monday, February 23, 2009, 6:43 PM

 
From: theshorty2@...
Date: Mon, 23 Feb 2009 17:20:37 +0000
To: papaandgg@...; mwilliams025@...; rlhpaint@...; n_sims@...; shelleybeanu@...
Subject: FW: Wally's Wedding Night///Pastors ass//"TITANIC" and Bill

 
 
Please note: forwarded message attached
 
 
____________________________________________________________
Carry that weight with a comfortable new backpack. Click now!
http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2131/fc/BLSrjnsMDd3pFmi2sA1cHBgmxCsEFedxlXN9U2PY2bKKtLQLbUwpbCX6FmY/

--Forwarded Message Attachment--
From: wbgipson@...
To: theshorty2@...; dianashadowford@...; archer54@...
Subject: FW: Wally's Wedding Night///Pastors ass//"TITANIC" and Bill
Date: Mon, 23 Feb 2009 06:11:11 -0500









 
> Date: Sun, 22 Feb 2009 10:35:26 -0800
> From: jfrawner@...
> Subject: Fw: Wally's Wedding Night///Pastors ass//"TITANIC" and Bill
> To: robert.delaney@...; wbgipson@...; drjtkimball@...; dlkelley@...; jesstk77@...
>
>
>
>
> --- On Sun, 2/22/09, Dennis W. Austin <dennis.austin45@...> wrote:
>
> > From: Dennis W. Austin <dennis.austin45@...>
> > Subject: Wally's Wedding Night///Pastors ass//"TITANIC" and Bill
> > To: "IRA SHACKELFORD" <Freshack@...>
> > Date: Sunday, February 22, 2009, 3:52 AM
> > Wally's Wedding Night
> >
> > At 85
> > years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. 
> > Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after
> > their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms,
> > because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may
> > overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
> >
> > After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed
> > and the expected 'knock' on the door.  Sureenough
> > the knock comes, the door opens and thereis Wally, her 85
> > year old groom, ready for action.  They unite as one.  All
> > goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares
> > to go to sleep.
> >
> > After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her
> > bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more
> > 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more
> >
> > coupling.  When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his
> > bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
> >
> > She is set to go to sleep again, but, ahaa - you guessed
> > it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as
> > fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.' 
> > And, once again they enjoy each other.
> >
> > But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says
> > to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you
> > can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less
> > than a third of your age who were only good once. You are
> > truly a great lover, Wally.'
> >
> >
> > Wally turns to Anne and says: ....... 'You mean I was
> > here already?'
> >
> >
> > The moral of the story:  Don't be afraid of getting
> > old.
> >  
> > Senior moments have advantages.
> >  
> > =============================================================
> >  
> >  Pastors ass
> >
> > The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
> >
> > The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered
> > it in another race and it won again.
> >
> >   The local paper read:
> >
> >
> >   PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
> >
> >     The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity
> > that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in
> > another race.
> >
> >     The next day, the local paper headline read:
> >
> > BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
> >
> >     This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the
> > pastor to get rid of the donkey.
> >
> >     The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby
> > convent.
> >
> >     The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the
> > following headline the next day:
> >
> > NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
> >
> > The bishop fainted.  He informed the nun that she would
> > have to get rid of the  donkey, so she sold it to a farmer
> > for $10.
> >
> >     The next day the paper read:
> >     NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
> >
> >     This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the
> > nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where
> > it could run wild.
> >
> >     The next day the headlines  read:
> >
> > NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
> >
> >     The bishop was buried the next day.
> >
> >     The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about
> > public opinion can bring you much grief and misery .. . even
> > shorten your life.
> >
> >     So be yourself and enjoy life.
> >
> >     Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and
> > you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
> >
> > Have a nice day!
> > ==============================
> > > One student turned in the following book report, with
> > the proposition
> > > that "TITANIC" and
> > "MY LIFE by BILL CLINTON"  were nearly identical
> > stories!
> >
> > (His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.)
> >
> > Titanic:..... Cost - $29.99
> > Clinton:..... Cost - $29.99
> >
> > Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
> > Clinton:.... Over 3 hours to read
> >
> > Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden
> > love, and
> > subsequent catastrophe.
> > Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden
> > love, and
> > subsequent catastrophe.
> >
> > Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
> > Clinton:..... Bill is a bullsh!t artist.
> >
> > Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
> > Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.
> >
> > Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets
> > ruined.
> > Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.
> >
> > Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
> > Clinton:..... Let's not go there.
> >
> > Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
> > Clinton:.... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
> >
> > Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
> > Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
> >
> > Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
> > Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
> >
> > Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
> > Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the
> > same thing
>
>
>

---

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From: Twilla Harris <twillah526@...>
Subject: Neologisms
To: "Amber" <geek67@...>, "Arch" <archie.twilla@...>
Date: Tuesday, February 24, 2009, 8:01 PM

You will LOVE this play on words!   The absolute best!!   Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words. The winners are: 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist. 14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners: 1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness. 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action. 12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: 16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

From: ginger ogle <papaandgg@...>
Subject: FW: That's how the fight got started
To: "me" <boxer716@...>
Date: Monday, February 23, 2009, 6:34 PM

 
From: theshorty2@...
Date: Mon, 23 Feb 2009 17:54:20 +0000
To: wbgipson@...; papaandgg@...; mwilliams025@...; paolapal718@...; shelleybeanu@...
Subject: FW: That's how the fight got started

 
 
Please note: forwarded message attached
 
 
____________________________________________________________
30 Seconds can save a lifetime. Get it done. Its never been easier.
http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2131/fc/BLSrjnsO5FvwMlSvn58J393CFza2q6cLQBlC8r3jX8bh3Mst4Q2IkTNqCsQ/

--Forwarded Message Attachment--
From: n_sims@...
To: dunnewitty@...; gwittkop@...; jlopez51@...; kditirro@...; mcozzie_1@...; spkvkk@...; theshorty2@...; wittkopmj@...
Subject: FW: That's how the fight got started
Date: Sun, 22 Feb 2009 21:54:04 +0000









 

---

Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2009 10:39:50 -0700
From: noreens@...
To: n_sims@...
CC: Berts@...
Subject: Fwd: That's how the fight got started



>>> <sue.duran@...> 02/13/09 1:06 PM >>>

                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I                                                 
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at                                                  
a nearby table.                                                                                                        
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'                                                                                      
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking                                           
right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she                                                            
hasn't been sober since.'                                                                                              
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'                                  
And that's how the fight started ...                                                                                   
****                                                                                                                   
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. 
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.                            
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather    
would be bad all day.                                                                                                  
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.                                              
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' 
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'                        
And that's how the fight started ...                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
****                                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,               
"Do you want to have sex?"                                                                                             
"No," she answered.                                                                                                    
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"                                                                              
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."                                                             
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."                                                                          
And that's how the fight started ...                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
****                                                                                                                   
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.                                     
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.                                        
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.                                                      
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later                                
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.                                                                                 
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.                                                                   
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'                                                      
And she processed my Social Security application.                                                                      
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the                                                   
Social Security office.                                                                                                
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'                                  
And that's how the fight started ...                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
****                                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
I rear-ended a car this morning.                                                                                       
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out                                               
of his car.                                                                                                            
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and                                                                 
Little things just seem funny?                                                                                         
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!                                                                 
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,                                                               
'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'                                                                                                    
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'                                                     
And that's how the fight started ...                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
****                                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.                                      
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'                                                                      
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'                                                                       
'Nah,' I said, 'she can order for herself.'                                                                            
And that's how the fight started ...                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
****                                                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.                                                               
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,                                                           
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'                                 
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'                                                              
And that's how the fight started ...                                                                                   
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        
                                                                                                                        

---

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From: Norman Crim <normancrim@...>
Subject: Hog Hunting in Florida....
To: "MYRON ARTTUS" <marttus@...>, "Jcepperly" <jcepperly@...>, "Elaine" <elaine@...>, "Cary Butters" <carycub@...>
Cc: "Terry Dean" <terydean@...>, "Sknewton" <sknewton@...>, "Ginger Ogle" <boxer716@...>, "Chris Peterman" <chrisp@...>, "ARTHUR LEE HUDSON III" <hudson5218@...>
Date: Monday, February 23, 2009, 1:40 PM

 

 

HOG Hunting Florida Style HOG HUNTING ON RIVER ROAD NEXT TO I-75 & U.S. 41 JUST SOUTH OF NORTH PORT, FLORIDA

 

 

 

 

---

---

From: norman crim <george193024@...>
Subject: Happy Valentine's Day
To: elaine@..., betty78381@..., boxer716@...
Cc: raufer7@...
Date: Friday, February 13, 2009, 5:51 PM

These are really cute!!!!!!   A PUPPY BOUQUET FROM ME TO YOU! THIS DESERVES TO BE PASSED ON. Wealljustwanted to wishyou an enjoyable day !! May you always have Love to Share, Health to Spare and Friends that Care                     ================================================================= This email message and any files transmitted with it are proprietary and confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that disclosing, copying, distributing or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this information is strictly prohibited and that you should immediately delete this message. All personal messages express views solely of the sender, which are not to be attributed to PAHC and may not be copied or distributed without this disclaimer. If you have received this email in error please notify the PAHC email manager at notes.administrator@... or call 201-329-7300.

From: ginger ogle <papaandgg@...>
Subject: FW: 100 bucks; Funny!!
To: boxer716@...
Date: Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 8:59 PM

From: theshorty2@...
Date: Wed, 11 Feb 2009 18:55:59 +0000
To: wbgipson@...; papaandgg@...; mwilliams025@...; shelleybeanu@...
Subject: FW: 100 bucks; Funny!!

 
 
Please note: forwarded message attached
 
 
____________________________________________________________
Beauty School Programs - Get the career you've always wanted. Click Now.
http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2131/fc/PnY6rbv7uVg0fQhplRlwUVLrrdwmcAEEoCyfRxcppL6Oqj54PUhpR/

--Forwarded Message Attachment--
From: n_sims@...
To: dunnewitty@...; gwittkop@...; janedudley47@...; jlopez51@...; kcs@...; kditirro@...; maryfrevert@...; mcozzie_1@...; spkvkk@...; theshorty2@...; wittkopmj@...
Subject: FW: 100 bucks; Funny!!
Date: Sat, 7 Feb 2009 20:14:59 +0000

---

Date: Thu, 5 Feb 2009 09:31:26 -0700
From: noreens@...
To: n_sims@...
Subject: Fwd: FW: 100 bucks; Funny!!







>>> Sandi Masser 02/04/09 4:02 PM >>>

 

 

Sandi Masser
Executive Assistant
Bank of Denver
Phone:  303-572-3600
Fax:  303-606-6100

 

>>> "Patricia Gonzalez" <pgonzalez@...> 02/04/09 2:39 PM >>>

 

---

From: Kim Byrd
Sent: Wednesday, February 04, 2009 2:38 PM
To: Amber Lindstrom; Danielle Barhite; Sandra Newton; Patricia Gonzalez; Luke Lopez; Carol Johnson; Kym Van Arsdalen
Subject: FW: 100 bucks; Funny!!

 

 

~Kim Marie

303.400.4162

 

 

 

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened       Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00  When The postal authorities received the letter to:  God ,  USA ,   they   decided to send it to the President.  The president was so amused that he instructed his   secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.     The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.     The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:   Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through   Washington, DC ., and those assholes deducted $95.00 in taxes

 

---

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From: ginger ogle <papaandgg@...>
Subject: FW: I found it!!!
To: "me" <boxer716@...>
Date: Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 8:56 PM

---

From: archer54@...
To: wbgipson@...; Donna_Keener@...; pamelajanerussell@...
Subject: FW: FW: I found it!!!
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 05:56:25 -0600

 

 

From: janice m murphy [mailto:jmurphy46@...]
Sent: Monday, February 02, 2009 9:52 PM
To: Bill Penney; Brenda Brown; Carolyn Huls; Fran Williams; Gloria Braly; hoffmankat hoffman; Jean W weinmann; Jean Holmstadt; joanie sweere; Kathy Brueck; Kelli Dix; Leslie christensen; Linda Tyler; marian wendling; Nada & Ron; Patty Moen; Richard Buttshaw; sandwel@...; SUE FREIDRICKS; terry/connie lonto; Tmb1070 Toni Fogarty
Subject: [?? Probable Spam] FW: I found it!!!

 

 

---

 

� I found it... And you thought there was no such place, huh????   You will all be so pleased to receive this...... How many times have we been 'up there without one!'   My work is done.

 

 

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From: geist michael <woodshaver54@...>
Subject: FW: Marvin strikes back...
To: "DENISE ANDERSON" <racing45@...>, "Donna Anderson" <tele4tily@...>, "Jeanie Cassat" <jkcassatt@...>, "Gerund Finley" <gerundf@...>, "Mary Geist" <masie_mae@...>, "diane masching" <dianermasching@...>, "Diane Masching" <dianermasching@...>, "Ginger Ogle" <boxer716@...>, "Shelly Utterback" <shelleybeanu@...>
Date: Thursday, January 29, 2009, 9:18 AM

--- On Wed, 1/28/09, DARRELL CHANG GOEKEN <dkoinut@...> wrote: From: DARRELL CHANG GOEKEN <dkoinut@...> Subject: FW: Marvin strikes back... To: "Barb Lawson" <blawson@...>, "Jody Stanger" <jodster59@...>, "Linda Pak" <lindapak528@...>, "Mike and Mary Geist" <woodshaver54@...>, "Ray Burmeister" <elray@...>, "Robert Klincewich" <hamtown214@...>, "Robert McCreary" <mcckoi@...>, "Sylvia Stockham" <billnsudie@...>, "Walt and Kim Klincewich" <hotchef@...>, "William Shipton" <mortonantiques@...> Date: Wednesday, January 28, 2009, 5:08 PM "Life is a measure to be filled, not a cup to be drained." unknown author. But I like the idea, alot.  Subject: FW: Marvin strikes back...         Meet Marvin, Men's Answer to Maxine!!! Men strike back! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....' ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ---------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He' ll shut up once you let him in. -------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ------------------------------------------------------ Women will never be equal to men Until they can walk down the street with a bald head And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------------------------------------------------ Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and To the select few women who can handle it! AND MAXINE SAYS............'MARVIN'... Maxine just had to have the last word.         Windows Live� Hotmail�:�more than just e-mail. Check it out.

From: geist michael <woodshaver54@...>
Subject: FW: Marvin strikes back...
To: "DENISE ANDERSON" <racing45@...>, "Donna Anderson" <tele4tily@...>, "Jeanie Cassat" <jkcassatt@...>, "Gerund Finley" <gerundf@...>, "Mary Geist" <masie_mae@...>, "diane masching" <dianermasching@...>, "Diane Masching" <dianermasching@...>, "Ginger Ogle" <boxer716@...>, "Shelly Utterback" <shelleybeanu@...>
Date: Thursday, January 29, 2009, 9:18 AM

--- On Wed, 1/28/09, DARRELL CHANG GOEKEN <dkoinut@...> wrote: From: DARRELL CHANG GOEKEN <dkoinut@...> Subject: FW: Marvin strikes back... To: "Barb Lawson" <blawson@...>, "Jody Stanger" <jodster59@...>, "Linda Pak" <lindapak528@...>, "Mike and Mary Geist" <woodshaver54@...>, "Ray Burmeister" <elray@...>, "Robert Klincewich" <hamtown214@...>, "Robert McCreary" <mcckoi@...>, "Sylvia Stockham" <billnsudie@...>, "Walt and Kim Klincewich" <hotchef@...>, "William Shipton" <mortonantiques@...> Date: Wednesday, January 28, 2009, 5:08 PM "Life is a measure to be filled, not a cup to be drained." unknown author. But I like the idea, alot.  Subject: FW: Marvin strikes back...         Meet Marvin, Men's Answer to Maxine!!! Men strike back! How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. ----------------------------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me....' ----------------------------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ---------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He' ll shut up once you let him in. -------------------------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ------------------------------------------------------ Women will never be equal to men Until they can walk down the street with a bald head And a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. ------------------------------------------------------ Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and To the select few women who can handle it! AND MAXINE SAYS............'MARVIN'... Maxine just had to have the last word.         Windows Live� Hotmail�:�more than just e-mail. Check it out.

From: shelley utterback <shelleybeanu@...>
Subject: FW: Idiot Sightings
To: "Conder Angie" <angie.conder@...>, "ERIC ASSELMEIER" <seeus@...>, "Ernie/Angela Baker" <bakerslittleacres@...>, "Mickie Baldwin" <candmbaldwin@...>, "Bo" <daddyboduncan@...>, "Vickie Carter" <vickielynncarter@...>, "Char" <rcklane@...>, cinda_1999@..., "cindy" <clwillis22@...>, "patti classact_41" <classact_41@...>, "Debi" <rdhager@...>, "Cheryl Evans" <kevans@...>, "***The Perks Family***" <rperks@...>, "Laurie Fox" <lo_wee565@...>, "Kevin Fredley" <KFredley@...>, "Janet Inman" <inman83@...>, "Brenda Jones" <bljones@...>, "The Kenady's" <crlr@...>, "Rob Lane" <treborenal@...>, "geist michael" <woodshaver54@...>, "Lorie Newton" <ljn414@...>, "ginger ogle" <boxer716@...>, "cash paula" <paula.cash@...>, "penny" <mspnny@...>, "Send an Instant Message Les Powell" <lpowell_13@...>, "Diane Rock" <dianemtnmama@...>, "zander sherry" <sherry.zander@...>, "Tammy" <tammy.shoemaker@...>, theshorty2@..., "Terrie Thies" <atthies@...>, "Dean Weinkein" <wolfman@...>, "Jeff Winschel" <lonewolf@...>, "Andrew Zieba" <ajzieba@...>
Date: Sunday, February 1, 2009, 1:17 PM

--- On Sun, 2/1/09, theshorty2@... <theshorty2@...> wrote: From: theshorty2@... <theshorty2@...> Subject: FW: Idiot Sightings To: wbgipson@..., chrisinmon@..., TerpenKJ@..., mwilliams025@..., paolapal718@..., rlhpaint@..., renitaharrison@..., shelleybeanu@... Date: Sunday, February 1, 2009, 1:03 PM Please note: forwarded message attached ____________________________________________________________ Purify your water with professional water treatment. Click now! http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2131/fc/PnY6rbvJ5neaGBdmpIp64Q5QqfXnkuIiruET7fmKwtiOgvIQbEFNb/

From: Jean Sauers <jean_sauers@...>
Subject: Idiot Sightings
To: "Troy Sauers" <Troy_Sauers@...>, "Linda Cuthriell" <ldc@...>, "Geri Martinsen" <jandgmart@...>, "Bud Conn" <conmanfmsr@...>, "Jan Schleiger" <j.schleiger@...>, "Marlene Cozzie" <mcozzie_1@...>, "Pamela Batten" <pammie@...>
Cc: "Larry & Jackie Sauers" <clancyco@...>, "Lisa Bowker" <signerlisa@...>, "Dee Pinkney" <dpinkney12345@...>, "Shane Breidenstein" <shane_breidenstein@...>, "Carol Kunzie" <pincladycarol@...>, "Ryburn Sago" <Ryburns@...>, "Carolyn Boston" <carbos1215@...>, "Clair & Chris Baca" <cpbacb@...>
Date: Friday, January 30, 2009, 5:15 PM

Be Careful Out There:   IDIOT SIGHTING: We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..'         We haven't used Sears repair since. IDIOT SIGHTING:  My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.'  She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..       Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.      IDIOT SIGHTING : I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our ro ad. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!   I don't think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore.' From Kingman , KS .      IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE : My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had ice burg lettuce.   From Kansas City     IDIOT SIGHTING: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,   'That's why we ask..' Happened in Birmingham , Ala.      IDIOT SIGHTING : The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS       IDIOT SIGHTING : At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.          IDIOT SIGHTING : I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.     IDIOT SIGHTING When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!'  His reply, 'I know.  I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS  STAY ALERT! They walk among us... And the scary part is that they VOTE and they REPRODUCE         Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over. Jean Sauers

From: norman crim <george193024@...>
Subject: Fw: Dogs Purpose
To: betty78381@..., boxer716@..., chrisp@..., rpmdoherty@..., sknewton@...
Cc: elaine@..., jcepperly@..., joray@..., jwells@..., lowlor@..., marttus@..., mossj@..., paul_woodshome@..., raufer7@..., Spicy_Darlin@..., terydean@..., William.kaltenborn@...
Date: Thursday, February 5, 2009, 2:08 PM

What a lesson learned! A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year old). Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolf hound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.  I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure.They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him.Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion.We sat together for a while after Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.' Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good Life - - like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The Six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.' Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy... Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY!

Little Johnny   Presidential candidate, Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the presidential candidate if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our Illustrious democrat presidential candidate asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.' One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him; that would be a tragedy.' 'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.' A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.' 'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss...' The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the Room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?' Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.' 'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?' 'Well,' says "Little Johnny", 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss...and it probably wouldn't be an accident either.'

From: CE & Mickie <candmbaldwin@...>
Subject: Bitter Irony
To: "Bo--New" <daddyboduncan@...>, "Janet Inman" <inman83@...>, "leslie powell" <lpowell_13@...>, "shelly utterback" <shelleybeanu@...>, "Cheryl O" <Bienhoff@...>
Date: Friday, October 31, 2008, 1:22 PM

 

 

Bitter Irony  This is amazing, and something extremely important to really, really think about!   If Barack Obama applied for a job with the FBI or the Secret Service, he would be disqualified because of his past association with William Ayers, a known terrorist.  And yet, he is heading for the highest office in the land. If Obama is elected President he would not pass the security screening to be his own body guard! And the greatest irony is that a majority of the people in this country don't even seem to care.   God help us!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If you agree that this is a serious problem for any candidate, no matter his or her political party, please pass this on. People desperately need to wake up to the dangers our country is being invited to dive into.

 

 

From: shelley utterback <shelleybeanu@...>
Subject: 4 My Son and all others that have this disease
To: "Conder Angie" <angie.conder@...>, "ERIC ASSELMEIER" <seeus@...>, "Ernie/Angela Baker" <bakerslittleacres@...>, "Mickie Baldwin" <candmbaldwin@...>, "Bo" <daddyboduncan@...>, "Vickie Carter" <vickielynncarter@...>, "Char" <rcklane@...>, cinda_1999@..., "cindy" <clwillis22@...>, "patti classact_41" <classact_41@...>, "Cheryl Evans" <kevans@...>, "***The Perks Family***" <rperks@...>, "Laurie Fox" <lo_wee565@...>, "Kevin Fredley" <KFredley@...>, "Janet Inman" <inman83@...>, "Brenda Jones" <bljones@...>, "The Kenady's" <crlr@...>, "Rob Lane" <treborenal@...>, "geist michael" <woodshaver54@...>, "Lorie Newton" <ljn414@...>, "ginger ogle" <boxer716@...>, "penny" <mspnny@...>, "Send an Instant Message Les Powell" <lpowell_13@...>, "Diane Rock" <dianemtnmama@...>, "zander sherry" <sherry.zander@...>, "Tammy" <tammy.shoemaker@...>, theshorty2@..., "Dean Weinkein" <wolfman@...>, "Denny Wheat" <dennywheat@...>, "Jeff Winschel" <lonewolf@...>, "Rich & Connie Wolter" <wolter@...>, "Andrew Zieba" <ajzieba@...>
Date: Friday, October 17, 2008, 10:11 PM

--- On Fri, 10/17/08, leslie powell <lpowell_13@...> wrote: From: leslie powell <lpowell_13@...> Subject: FW: For Mom To: "Mickie Baldwin" <candmbaldwin@...>, "Betsy" <Betsysporty73@...>, "Bubba" <genemiles1@...>, "Mark and Sharon Cela" <sharoncela@...>, "TAYLOR CELA" <kittekatt@...>, "Bo Duncan" <daddyboduncan@...>, "Charlotte Fordham" <tfcfilh@...>, "Kevin Fredley" <kfredley@...>, "Janet Inman" <inman83@...>, "Rita Jameson" <RJAMESON@...>, "JASON JOHNSON" <bigjohnson29902@...>, "mike kelty" <usmc_forsaken@...>, "rob lane" <treborenal@...>, "Wayman Lanier" <wal124@...>, "Cindy Maxwell" <maxweci1@...>, "Harold Miller" <hmiller@...>, "Walter Mitchum" <revwdm@...>, "Lori Morawitz" <ljn414@...>, "Debbie Ogle" <rdhager@...>, "Daniel Patterson" <twotimesfourx6@...>, "Lisa Powell" <lucy_marie_08@...>, "Diane Rock" <dianemtnmama@...>, "Ron" <rorourke@...>, "Shelley" <shelleybeanu@...>, "Phillips Sheri" <sherip@...>, "Tammy Shoemaker" <tammy.shoemaker@...>, "Michael Stettmier" <daroc_60@...>, "BRYAN STRICKLAND" <bhs779@...>, "david vaughn" <davidvaughn484@...>, "WES" <southernsigns@...> Date: Friday, October 17, 2008, 2:24 PM --- On Thu, 10/16/08, nanadoss@... <nanadoss@...> wrote: From: nanadoss@... <nanadoss@...> Subject: FW: For Mom To: "Robin Rawls" <rrawls5372@...>, "leslie powell" <lpowell_13@...>, "Vickie Neal" <vickieneal@...>, "James Beasley" <holdinace@...> Date: Thursday, October 16, 2008, 7:33 PM     -------------- Forwarded Message: -------------- From: zack2237@... Subject: FW: For Mom Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2008 23:26:07 +0000     -------------- Forwarded Message: -------------- From: fran_wagner@... Subject: FW: For Mom Date: Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:35:11 +0000     For the dearest person I know, Mom, Sara M. Doss...for she is loved by all....  Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer.  Amen All you are asked to do is keep this circulating  Even if it's to one more person. In memory of anyone you know that has been struck down by cancer or is still living with it.         McCain or Obama? Stay updated on coverage of the Presidential race while you browse - Download Now! __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com

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