I seem to have an insurmountable problem in looking for an end to my
singleness. I am a 56-year old single Christian male who would love
to enter into a covenant relationship with a Christian woman
(marriage). However, I am on disability. That means no work. No
work means no car. No work plus no car seems to mean no date,
particularly for a man. Women can get away with it, but, it seems,
not men.

I am a generally easy to get along with person, but as soon as
someone finds out that I am on disability, all interest evaporates.
This is especially true since my disability is psychiatric. I am
schizoaffective, bipolar and suffer from P/AD. Several women who
have known me think I would still be good marriage material anyway,
but they are all married, hence, ultimately, their opinion does not
count. I am very lonely. I seek companionship and a covenant
relationship, yet no one wants a disabled man.

They say that volunteering can help relieve loneliness; however, I
have tried volunteering two-hours a week in a nearby nursing home,
and will probably do it again, but it seems to help little.

I particularly find it unfair since I know of several couples where
the man is not disabled, but the woman is. Unfortunately, when the
woman is not disabled, but the man is, the story is totally
different. Now that I am past the age where a man's ability to
support a stay-at-home mother and child is irrelevant, what
difference does it make that I am disabled? I hate this double-
standard!

In terms of looking for a disabled woman, there seems to be a strange
legal problem. I once knew a couple where she was on VA disability
and he was on SSI. The government actually increased both of their
checks when they married. I know a couple where they are both on SSI
and getting married had only a minor effect on their income.
Unfortunately, I am on SSA. When someone on SSA marries someone on
VA disability or SSI, the VA and SSI severely curtail her check,
which has proved to be a great deterrent to the disabled women I have
dated. Not too many women on SSI, for instance, are willing to have
a $580 check cut by $500 a month (down to $80 a month) in order to
marry someone making only $876 a month. The only woman I have ever
known on SSA (where there would be no penalty) recently married a
friend of mine who works.

How do I attract a good woman, anyway?

Love you, in Christ,



Andy Rugg