Last week, a guy from one of the other on-line Christian singles
groups e-mailed me and asked if I could help him out with a book
he's writing by describing some of my struggles with singleness. He
listed nine categories and said I could pick one or more that I've
struggled with the most. Since my struggles as a single guy aren't
typical of most single guys, I decided to just give a really brief
description of how each category applies to me. He wrote back and
asked a few more specific questions, and I answered them, but I have
no idea if he plans on using my answers for his book. But since I
took the time to write them, and since I thought it would give other
people a good view of my life as a single person, I've decided to
post my initial responses here, to see if anyone can either relate
or find them fascinatingly different.


> 1. Community (dealing with loneliness)

Most of the time, I LIKE being alone. In fact, I often have to be
reminded that I need to connect with other people in order to grow
in my relationship with Christ. I often feel like I have to go out
of my way to hang out with other people, because I usually prefer to
do my own thing than to participate in activities that I'm only half
interested in.

> 2. Completeness (in Christ)

I don't think I've ever struggled with completeness in Christ. My
understanding is that the moment I accepted Christ, he made me
complete and renewed. Of course, like all Christians, I struggle in
maintaining my relationship with Christ, but that sounds like a
different subject.

> 3. Emotionally Healthy (after the repeated break up cycle)

I've never gone through a break up cycle, because I've never had a
girlfriend. But if my emotional health has suffered in some way as
an indirect result of being single, it's because of situations that
I got myself into that I might otherwise not have had I been
married. But at the time, I thought it was the right thing to do,
and I saw my singleness as a blessing because it allowed me the
freedom to do those things, but those situations eventually burned
me out. I also imagine that if I were married, and my wife had the
same passions that I did back then, she would've been a much better
person to get actively involved in those situations, simply because
she's a woman and would understand women's feelings much better than
I did, plus her heart would be in the right place, unlike mine.

> 4. Physical Desires

Just a pain in the butt that I have to put up with.

> 5. Longing for Love

This rarely happens, and when it does, it doesn't happen long enough
to disrupt my life. I snap out of it pretty quickly.

> 6. How much longer? (God's timing)

I sometimes like to imagine what my future will be like, but only
for fun. In reality, I'm in no rush, and I'm enjoying my life as it
is.

> 7. Everyone Else Is Getting Married (No fair!)

Everyone else is getting married... what is it with these people??!
Oh well, you guys can go enjoy your married life, I'm going swing
dancing!

> 8. My Expectations

I've learned to expect the unexpected.

> 9. Others Expectations

Well, I suppose it depends on who the "others" are. I'd say most
people don't really expect me to do much of anything at all. They
just accept me for who I am and what I do. But there are those who
seem to expect me to take advantage of every little opportunity to
meet a nice girl and ask her out. I usually just brush them off. I
mean, if I do meet a girl that I find interesting enough that I WANT
to ask her out, I'll do that WITHOUT other people's encouragements!
Another one of my pet peeves is people who think that because I'm
single, I have lots and lots of free time on my hands, and therefore
I have no excuse not to volunteer my time for every service project
that comes up. I may not have a family to take care of, but I do
have a life!


--Wayne