Welcome to the most censored & attacked surreptitious newspaper on the internet. I wonder what s below that various indomitable individuals are afraid for you
Aug 26, 2004
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Welcome to the most
censored & attacked surreptitious newspaper on the internet. I
wonder what's below that various indomitable individuals are
afraid for you to read??? Surely not the award winning
to the E-Mail Newspaper featuring 'Thought &
pulled a UNC student over after she'd
been driving the wrong way on a one-way
Cop: Do you know where you
UNC Student: No, but
wherever it is, it must be
bad 'cause all the people are
1) I am never quite what I appear to
be. Straight-forward I
seem, but it's only skin
deep, for mystery most often
lies beneath my simple
speech. Sharpen your wits,
open your eyes, look beyond
my exteriors, read me
backwards, forwards, upside
down. Think critically and
answer the question... What
2) Like a clown I bring
laughter to a child's face, Like a bird I can fly through open
space. People buy me only to throw me away Come the very next warm
but I never get hurt.
I can bend over backwards,
but cannot break.
I arrive free of charge
but often leave for a fee.
What am I?
(Answers are located
If you can't find the answers below:
'Text-Only' Edition has no color
cartoon here - and it was funny... ===============
Q: What happens when two
bullets get married? A: They have a little BB.
you have time for below & save the
for a stormy/blustery/dilatory interval
season is bursting out all
over. Our goal is
non-threatening and productive
university environment and to establish
language that is
while celebrating our spirit of
I think the
political correctness is getting ridiculous. Today I overheard a little
boy say he was going to
go play a game of
Cattle Management Specialists
material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor or
thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been warned.
Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered. A unique blend of
the jocular with provocative rumination is just ahead for your
divertissement!?! "UNSUBSCRIBE" communiqué located below. Even French students can do
GIFT UPON GIFT
In her mind she knew
Gods gifts werent things she could earn. In her heart she needed some
1) How long did the Hundred Years
War last? 2) Which country makes
Panama hats? 3) From which animal do
we get catgut? 4) In which month do
Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair
brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands
in the Pacific are
named after what
animal? 7) What was King George VI's
first name? 8) What color is a purple
finch? 9) Where are Chinese
All done? Check your answers below!
approached, two elderly vultures doubted they would be able to make the
trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their
baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead
raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're
arrived after winding its
the Internets highways
and byways to
great readers to
the jocular with provocative
usually platitudinous &
and delivered gratis
to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....
An account executive at a
stock-and-bond firm telephoned a UNC* grad
client who had purchased her first stock - one hundred shares of
Proctor & Gamble. He told her that he had just heard they
were going to split.
"Oh! What a shame." she lamented. "I'm so
sorry to hear that. And, they've been together for so long,
________ *UNC is the University of
North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range of degree
programs including: B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E.,
B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in
1898 for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that
were unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of
higher learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
PHASES OF A PROJECT
Enthusiasm 2. Disillusionment 3.
Panic 4. Search for
the Guilty 5. Punishment
of the Innocent 6. Praise
and Honor for the Non-Participants
A sign over a display of pine
boards at HOME DEPOT: "Knotty, but Nice!"
--WHO AM I?
--1. I was born on July 13, 1942, in Chicago,
--2. Arguably the most bankable movie star ever, I came
into my success relatively late in
--3. I was working as a
self-taught carpenter when I got the chance to
audition for the low-budget coming-of-age
movie American Graffiti.
--4. I've been married twice, have four children and
rarely reveal much about my private life to
--5. The fourth installment
of my infamous adventure character is
reportedly in the works and slated for this year, when
I am 62 years
Who Am I? (Answer
I was complaining the other day to a
friend about the knot in my tie. "These four-in-hands with
their tiny knots are so un- stylish," I complained. He
asked, "Do you know how to do a Windsor knot?" I replied,
"It doesn't matter if you Windsor knot, it's how you play
YOUR WORD KNOWLEDGE?
Match the words in the left-hand
column with the correct definition in the right-hand column. The answer
key is listed at the bottom of this newsletter.
encumbrance A. Scornful insolence 2.
B. Difficult to penetrate 3.
contumely C. To rove around carrying out
violent attacks 4.
polyglot D. Disposed to
Burdensome and troublesome load 6.
F. Wicked in the extreme 7. pugnacious G. To ski straight downhill
at high speed 8.
Containing, or made up, of, several languages
recondite I. A thief,
cheater 10. nefarious J. Relating
to or occurring in winter
rural China. It was reassembled at the Peabody Essex
A new young bride & UNC grad calls
her mother in tears. She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for
"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all
just a misunderstanding."
"No, mother," you don't
understand. "I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed
at me about the price!"
"Well, the nerve of that lousy
cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few
"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was
the airplane ticket." "Airplane ticket.... What did you need an
airplane ticket for?"
"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked
at the directions on the package and it said - 'Prepare from a
frozen state,' so I flew to
Humor' has been read in all 50 States,
70 Countries, 7 Continents, many
Island Nations, Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School &
all major American Universities including UNC!!!
A chief petty officer
caught an AWOL sailor as he tried to sneak aboard ship. Upon hearing
the sailor's lame explanation, the petty officer told him, "Sweep every
link on this anchor chain by morning, or it's the brig for you!" The
sailor picked up a broom, but before he could sweep, a tern landed on
the handle. The lad picked the tern off and tossed it overboard. The
bird lit again on the broom handle, and was again tossed away. On and
on, through the night, they went through the same routine. In the
morning, when the petty officer inspected, he found the chain still
dirty. "What have you been doing all night?" he asked angrily. "Honest,
chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a
If you would like to
write Howdy (he reads all of them), send
an amicable, meticulous, penurious or factious e-mail
Please tell us your general location (State, School,
Country). All letters sent to Howdy might be printed unless you
request otherwise. Letters marked "anonymous" may be printed but
without the name. Your e-mail address will not be shown. Tell us
what's happening in your locale!!!
Warning:Please do not send
political correspondence - these sometimes slip stealthily past our editor. We have
a very strict policy forbidding posting of any political material in
this section. If your copy contains such, please be advised that
your copy may have been an early edition and that it was doffed from
all ensuing editions.
I WILL file a
formal complaint with UMASS OIT so you people cannot harass people
with this nonsense anymore. I hope I have made myeself
Sincerely, Rachel S. (U. Mass)
In a vulgar
distortion of history, the PA media often compare the Palestinian
situation to the suffering of the Jews in the Holocaust.
The PA's latest
propaganda film about "refugees" draws on a well-
known image from
Holocaust history -- dead Jews hanging over
barbed wire -- and
restages it with false images of Palestinians
hanging from barbed
These shocking visual images are combined with numerous
indoctrination, geared particularly towards youth. First and foremost
is the denial of Israel's right to exist. The essence of the program is
that all of Israel is occupied "Palestine," stolen from the "refugees,"
and that the "refugees" have never forgotten and will "return." A
young child talks of his "return," saying that although he is the
fourth generation, he has not forgotten his roots in the land, and will
return by his "blood." The recurring theme is, "We will surely
This program has been broadcast four times in recent
[PATV four times, May-August 2004]
Israel's War of Independence, hundreds of thousands of Arabs left
for neighboring Arab countries. Most left after encouragement from Arab
leaders, who thought it would help the war effort.
the Arabs ended up in UN refugee camps. To this day, the
hosting Arab countries have used various laws, including those
prohibiting land and business ownership, to prevent the original
refugees and their descendants from becoming permanent citizens. These
laws, and the desire to use the issue of "refugee suffering" as a
political tool against Israel, have in fact caused the continued
suffering for the camp residents and
Palestinian Authority (PA) propaganda accuses Israel of
expelling all the "refugees," and blames Israel for their continued
suffering. Instead of calling for solutions to the problems in the
countries in which these people were born and reside, the PA demands
that Israel absorb the remaining original refugees and millions of
Keep the faith
and write back if you want any more linguistic
I am still
receiving the Thought and Humor emails.
reading the humorous jokes and the thoughts
the various articles. It definitely makes for an
email. haha Take care.
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