A UNC student walked into the pet store and,
after looking up and down the aisles, asked
the sales clerk for help...
Updated frequently during the day!!!
Be sure & read the "Comments" after each blog joke -
there's more funny stuff & letters from y'all...
At the police station, a
UNC grad named Bubba explained
to the police officer why his cousins shot him...
*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:
1) French university students
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU.
Click on above for great
Want To Ruin
Our friend told us that her youngest child, Ralphie, was like "Mr. Christmas"
at their house. Very early every Christmas morning, he was everyone's alarm clock
to get up and get going on those presents. That's what made this one Christmas so
strange. Two weeks earlier, Ralphie was doing a little exploring in the closets while
his parents were gone, and he found where they had hidden their presents! He couldn't
resist. He opened this one bag and he saw the major gift they had bought him. And
then came Christmas. Everyone slept later than they ever had on a Christmas morning
because Ralphie didn't get up. Everyone was waiting impatiently around the Christmas
tree as Dad called up the stairs, "Ralphie, are you coming?" "Yeah," Ralphie replied flatly.
All the other kids were psyched as they opened their gifts. Not Ralphie. He opened his with
little emotion and a halfhearted thanks. Dad took him aside and said, "Ralphie, are you sick,
man? You're always Mr. Christmas around here!" Ralphie explained why his "joy to the world"
had gone. "Dad, the problem is I opened my gift early, and I ruined Christmas."
Poor Ralphie! He opened his gift before he should have and he ruined Christmas. It's that
kind of heartache that God is trying to protect us from when He tells us to wait to open one of
the most beautiful gifts He's given us - the gift of our sexual love to the person we love enough
to spend our life with. He tells us to wait for marriage, to keep it inside marriage, not to keep us
from enjoying it, but to keep us from ruining it. God, who invented sex, says, "Marriage is to be
honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure" (Hebrews 13:4). Your wedding night, and all your nights
of married love, are meant to be the "Christmas" when you open your gift for one person and only
one person. That's where the passion, the fulfillment, the excitement comes from; an exclusive gift
you've saved for only one person - the person you love enough to spend your life with. Anything
you do with anyone else costs you the excitement of that exclusivity.
In our word for today from the Word of God, He gives us a clear blueprint for sex and love at its best.
In 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, He says, "It is God's will that you should be sanctified" - that means "kept special" -
"that you should avoid sexual immorality" - that's sex outside the divine fence of marriage - "that each of
you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable." Notice the two-step action
plan for not ruining your gift.
First, avoid every wrong use of sex. Don't allow yourself to even get in situations or to the point where
you might be tempted to give it away. Avoid it, don't flirt with it.
Secondly, control your body; don't let it control you. That means pacing yourself physically, not letting
your passions start running fast and then suddenly trying to throw on the brakes. Control the desires that
could carry you over the edge of an irreversible sexual mistake.
God really cares about what you do with
your love. He cares that you experience all the love that He's
planned for you; most of all, His love. If you've given away sexually what never should have been given,
God has two hope-giving words for you: "clean" and "renewed." The Bible says, "The blood of Jesus,
His Son, purifies us from all sin" (1 John 1:7). The sin you're most ashamed of, even the sin you think He
won't forgive, was paid for when Jesus died on the cross. The day you bring your sin to Him and trust
Him to be your Forgiver and your Savior, He erases every sin you've ever done from God's Book. And
He begins to renew your emotional and spiritual purity.
Don't let your sin keep you from Jesus. Let it drive you to Jesus, who died to forgive you and change
you. If you want to know Him in this kind of love relationship, tell Him that today. And if you'd like to be
sure just how to get started with Jesus, I hope you'll go to our website and check out my brief explanation
how to begin that
relationship. Or you can get Yours For Life in a little booklet if you'll call us at 877-741-1200.*
God wants to make you clean. God wants to make you new. And God wants you to have His very best.
When you give Him your life, you get love without strings and love without regrets. - - Ron Hutchcraft
*Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'.
I am trying here to prevent anyone from saying the really
foolish thing that people often say about Him [Jesus Christ]:
"I'm ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I
don't accept His claim to be God."
That is the one thing we must not
say. A man who was
merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would
not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic --
on a level with a man who says he is a poached egg --
or else he would be the Devil of Hell.
You must make your choice. Either this Man was, and is,
the Son of God, or else a madman or something worse ....
You can shut Him up for fool, you can spit at Him and kill
Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him
Lord and God. But let us not come up with any patronizing
nonsense about His being a great hum! an teacher. He has
not left that option open to us. He did not intend to.
-- From Case for Christianity, by C.S. Lewis
Geographically, all that separates Virginia and Maryland is the Potomac
River, which is approximately four hundred yards wide for much of its
length. This proximity makes it commonplace for people to live in one state
and work in another.
However, one thing I learned while I was attorney general of Virginia is
that the geographical proximity doesn't translate into cultural proximity.
On many important social issues, the states are far apart. Maryland 's
abortion laws, for example, go far beyond Roe v. Wade, while Virginia
continuously tries to uphold the value of human life for unborn children
in the womb.
The latest and most pressing example of this cultural divide between the
states involves same-sex "marriage." And it illustrates the need for a
national solution to this contentious issue.
In late January, a Maryland judge struck down the state law that limited
marriage to heterosexual couples. In her ruling, the judge wrote that
"although traditions and values are important, they cannot be given
so much weight that they alone will justify a discriminatory statutory
While supporters of same-sex "marriage" cautioned that "we're still a long
way from a final decision," it's unlikely that Maryland 's liberal Supreme
Court will overturn the ruling.
That left opponents of same-sex "marriage" with only one option: an
amendment to the Maryland constitution. That's easier said than donenot
because the measure would be so unpopular with the public, but because it
seems unlikely to reach the public since they can't get an "up-or-down" vote
in the legislature.
By contrast, this November, Virginians will vote on a proposed constitutional
amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman.
The measure is expected to spark what its senate sponsor calls a "great
debate"in his words, "becoming of Virginia ."
Hometown pride aside, at least Virginia is having that debate, which is more
than can be said of Maryland, whose legislative leaders refuse to let the
issue go before the voters.
So, as early as next year, a mere four hundred easily and often-traversed
yards, the Potomac River, could separate the sides on one of the most
important social issues of our day. What happens, then, in the
all-too-likely case of a married same-sex couple moving from Rockville,
Maryland, to Alexandria , Virginia? Will Virginia be obligated to grant
"full faith and
credit" to the Maryland decree?
For that matter, what benefits will Virginia employers have to offer to
married gay employees who live in Maryland ? Will they be the same as
for married heterosexual employees who live in Virginia?
Advocates of same-sex "marriage" are counting on this kind of confusion
& uncertainty. What's about to happen in Maryland and Virginia practically
begs courts to get involved under the guise of "ending
confusion""confusion" entirely of their own making.
What we need is a solution that minimizes confusion without ignoring the
repeatedly expressed will of the people. That solution is best achieved
through a federal constitutional amendment: It's called the Marriage
Protection Amendment, and it is pending before Congress right now.
It defines marriage as the union of one man and one woman throughout
the United States and is the only way to prevent judges from re-defining
marriage and turning the Potomac into something other than a river:
a pretext for ignoring long-held "traditions and values."
BREAKPOINT with Charles Colson & Mark Earley
Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'.
Face Of Victory
On March 1, 1999, Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones stepped into the
gondola of a hot air balloon and lifted off from the Swiss alpine village
of Chateau d'Oex. Nineteen days, 21 hours, and 55 minutes later, traveling
28,431 miles, they landed in the Egyptian desert. Their journey
successfully marked the first nonstop flight around the world in a
balloon, earning them the distinction of a world record, a book deal,
& a million dollars from the sponsoring corporation. Their victory
photograph now rests in the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum
beside the "Breitling Orbiter III" itself.
As with all successes in life, the accomplishment of Jones and Piccard's
journey is memorable. Like the trophies on our shelves or the moments we
remember as crowning, the successful passage of the Breitling Orbiter III
story we celebrate--a story that seems to begin at Chateau d'Oex
and ends in Egypt. But this trip, like most of our memorable achievements
along the road of human development, was not quite the linear move from
start to finish we imagine it to be. In fact, the journey that would end
with a world record actually had three hopeful starting points and two
The often miry course of human history is similar. I have long understood
the need for will and volition in the healing process of our personal
histories. There is a reason Jesus questions the paralytic by the pool in
John chapter 5; we must first want to be well. But thinking of this
call for help as being inherently present within the human developmental
process has only recently entered my perspective. What if every pang of
trust or mistrust, every cry for autonomy or cry of shame, was the call of
the spirit to
that which is beyond it? Theology professor James Loder
offers a perspective well posed: "It is evident that human development is
not the answer to anything of ultimate significance. Every answer it does
provide only pushes the issue deeper, back to the ultimate question, 'What
is a lifetime?' and 'Why do I live it?'"
Such are the questions we wrestle with in the twists and turns, stops and
failures through this journey called life. How incredibly helpful to know
there is a reason. God is not merely the God who comes near in the midst
of the pain of adolescence or the cries of an adult for understanding; He
is the creator of the spirit that leads us to crisis and guides us through
certain pains. It is not merely, as one developmental psychologist writes,
the "capacities of the human psyche" that "make spirituality possible." It
is the Spirit of God who makes the human psyche capable
of knowing Him.
"You did not choose me," said Jesus, "but I chose you" (John 15:16).
As its name suggests, the success of the Breitling Orbiter III was built
upon two previous attempts. The original Breitling Orbiter launched in
January of 1997. Only a few hours after take off, the balloon was forced
to land when the crew was overcome by kerosene fumes from a leaking
valve. One year later, the Breitling Orbiter II stayed in the air 9 days longer
than its counterpart, managing to navigate from Switzerland to Burma.
To the dismay of all, their flight was cut short when they were refused
permission to use the airspace over China. Yet from the finish line,
little doubt that these set backs contributed to the development
of the system and strategy that would allow Piccard and Jones to pilot
their balloon across the Pacific.
Whether our days are marked by victory or crisis, progress or a call to
turn around and try again, the Spirit goes with us, reinforcing that God
has been there all along. To discover that there is a face inherently
present behind many of the failures we long to forget, a Spirit within the
crushed and wounded scenes we try our best to put behind us, and a voice
that speaks over and above the cries that have indelibly marked our
journey is to experience the restorative hope of the creator who intended
us to discover Him. The words of the psalmist describe waking to this
knowledge: "It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did
their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the
light of your face, for
you loved them" (Psalm 44:3). Our days are marked
with the intention of one who loves us. Our winding journeys are a means
to his face. Jill Carattini
"A Slice of Infinity" is aimed at reaching into the culture with words of
challenge, words of truth, and words of hope. If you know of others who
would enjoy receiving "A Slice of Infinity" in their email box each day,
tell them to ple! ase call 1-877-88SLICE (1-877-887-5423).
"Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider
well the main end of his life and studies is to know God and Jesus Christ
which is eternal life (John 17:3)."
- - - The Laws and Statutes of Harvard College in 1643
"All scholars shall live religious, godly, and blameless lives according
to the rules of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy Scriptures, the
fountain of light and truth; and constantly attend upon all the duties
of religion, both in public and secret."
- - - Two central requirements in Yale College 1745 charter
The Roman emperor Diocletian, following an edict in 303 A.D.,
failed to stamp the Bible out. The French Revolution could not
crush it with secular philosophy (Rousseau, one of its heroes,
converted to Christianity). The Communists failed to stamp it
out with atheism and political ideology. One might well ask why
this book has been banned, burned, and bludgeoned with such
animosity and scorn. The great Reformation hero John Calvin
responds in this way: "Whenever people slander God's word,
they show they feel within its power, however unwillingly or
reluctantly." - Joe Boot
Why The U.S.A. Is At War:
(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')
'Thought & Humor' - often polemical but
Please note: If you see a UNC student or liberal reading 'Thought & Humor',
please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They usually get it backwards.......
God designed humans to want to believe in something.
That's the image of God that is in us. But as G. K.
Chesterton famously put it, when we reject the God
of the Bible, we don't believe in nothing; we believe
in everything -- including Little Green Men.
- - Chuck Colson
Thank you for your simply addicting newsletter...it's truly a candidate
for the 8th wonder of the world and 1st candidate for the cyber-world...
it just keeps blooming with more of what I need and, I think, what we
need...please keep up the great works!!!
Type atcha later...
God bless you,
Above not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor'...
It is He who sits above the circle of the earth,
And its inhabitants are like grasshoppers,
Who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
And spreads them out like a tent to dwell in.
- - Isa 40:22
(Message over 64 KB, truncated)