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LadyHawke's Weekly Jokes Table of Content
o "Oil Changing Instructions for Women"
o Chosen Links du Jour
o "Oil Changing Instructions for Men"
o Thrills and Delights du Jour
o "Seniors in Texas"
Let's pick on men today, shall we?
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"Oil Changing Instructions for Women"
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches
3000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave
with a properly maintained vehicle.
Chosen Links du Jour
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Quote du Jour
"Too much of anything is bad, but too much of good
whisky is barely enough."
-- Mark Twain
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"Oil Changing Instructions for Men"
1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for 50
dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand
cleaner and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Dump
in hole in back yard.
3. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack
4. Place drain pan under engine.
5. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
6. Give up and use crescent wrench.
7. Unscrew drain plug.
8. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you
9. Clean up.
10. Look for oil filter wrench.
11. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver
and twist it off.
12. Buddy shows up; watch game on TV. Finish oil
13. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath
13. Throw oil lift on oil spilled during step 17.
14. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of
clean oil to gasket first.
15. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
16. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of
fresh oil drains onto floor.
17. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
18. Begin cussing fit.
19. Throw wrench.
20. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit
your commemorative Ted Williams plate.
21. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
22. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
23. Lower car from jack stands.
24. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
25. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to
fresh oil spilled during step 16.
26. Drive car 1/2 quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be
time for another oil change.
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Thrills and Delights du Jour
Barn Fun du Jour
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Car Troubles du Jour
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Kitty du Jour
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Doggie du Jour
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Hi, it¹s Kelly.
My friend Alice found a way to not be obese. She
found that the U.S. is most overweight and inactive
country in the world. Go figure...
She also found that in less than 4.5 minutes, you
could get the information to be well on your way
o changing that problem.
Question is are you ready for a change like that.
I think so.
I figured this would be right up your alley.
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"Seniors in Texas"
An elderly couple, Ray and Bessie, are "seniors" in
Texas . Ray always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy
boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them,
wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the
house and says to his wife: "Notice anything different
Bessie looks him over: "Nope."
Frustrated Ray storms off into the bathroom, undresses,
and walks back into the room completely naked except
for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time,
"Notice anything DIFFERENT NOW?"
Bessie looks up and says: "Ray, what's different? It's
hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday,
and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."
Furious, Ray yells: "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT IS
HANGING DOWN, BESSIE? IT'S HANGING DOWN
BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!"
To which Bessie replies: "Shoulda bought a hat,
Ray. Shoulda bought a hat."
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